A Walk In The Paddock - Valley Out Of Their Depth......

And so not to the Butchers Arms in Droylsden, but to Manchester Enterprise Academy (formerly Parklands High School) in Wythenshawe, for a Cheshire League Division Two fixture between Stretford Paddock - their first home match in this league - and Mersey Valley, ahead of tonight's Rugby League Grand Final at Old Trafford.

Stretford Paddock is an unofficial, unaffiliated Manchester United You Tube channel and news outlet, with its studio in Lever Street in Manchester's Northern Quarter. It was founded in January 2013 as Full Time Devils United fan channel.

In 2018 Full Time Devils changed ownership and on 22 November that year the Stretford Paddock You Tube channel was created to replicate the original Full Time Devils site.

Stretford Paddock FC was accepted to join the Lancashire and Cheshire League on 12 June 2020. Promoted from Division One, after a truncated eight game season that saw five wins and a draw, Paddock finished third in the Premier - and that was sufficient to earn them a Cheshire League Division Two place for 2022/23. Six successive away games has brought three wins, a draw and two defeats - but no league games for four weeks, amidst rumours that Dave Pace, owner of dormant Droylsden FC, is selling their home venue, the Butchers Arms ground, for housing.

Mersey Valley FC from Banky Lane, which lies on the border of Sale and Carrington, was set up in 2014, joining the Cheshire League Division 2. The Ambers gained promotion in 2016, but dropped down in 2018 despite finishing mid table. Valley then resigned mid season 2019/20 with their results expunged.

The club reformed and was readmitted this summer to the Cheshire League, starting with 4 home fixtures but their record shows two draws out of 6 home games and a solitary away win from three contests, and they lie next to bottom with 5 points from 9 games (after a 9-1 drubbing at St Michaels last weekend). Their motto of 'Health and Happiness' rather misplaced currently.....

En route, fittingly as the sun puts in an appearance, today's first numberplate is RAY5, joined later by CA11 PBP (PB Painters) and a van displaying 'How's My Driving ? - 'Call 0800 F*CK YOU'.... Then afterwards URB4N and a lorry advertising Scheidt & Bachman.... That same eclectic bunch of shops brings me via Elijos (formerly Mughal), Wok Inn, Jolly's Kafe, hold ups due to MT Grab Hire, to Timperley Village, and the Frank Sidebottom statue, Little Italy and the 'Bar In The Village' (not much thought put into that one !!)

Then after Dixons Brooklands Academy, passing Southmoor Industrial Estate, Schmitz Cargobull, Beers Timber & Building Supplies, Roundthorn and Martinscroft tram stops as we reach Hollyhedge Road. There follows St John's Catholic Mens Club and Haveley Hey Primary School on the vast council estate encircling Greenwood Road and Newall Green. 

The academy, with its new facility 'The Greenwood', is opposite Foxlair Road and abutting Simonsway. A 3G pitch and, unusually, a 3pm kick off, with a crowd peaking at 35 and no Chicken Hut Blues in this part of Wythenshawe....

Paddock, sponsored by OneFootball, are in United red and white, Mersey, sponsored by Motor Technology, are in amber and black - the home side have a goal disallowed on 5 minutes for offside but continue to press. Eventually the ball is cut back on 26 for Michael Burke to shoot and his effort just squirms over the line. Valley are having more joy hitting the corner flag than testing Stretford's keeper...

Nine minutes on Ronaldo Brown is tripped in the area and Tom Jones unconvincingly converts the penalty - this either side of two awful misses (his dad's words - stood next to me); one after bypassing the keeper and shanking wide, the other from barely four yards. So perhaps it's not unusual that he is hooked at half time.... A second disallowed goal leaves Paddock two up at the break.

The second period provides more of the same and on 54 James Oatt volleys home at the far post for 3-0. Eight minutes after impressive and speedy winger Kieron Molloy fires across the keeper to make it four - which becomes five on 71 as sub David Salome Sharpe drills in from a well worked free kick.

And that is pretty much that, the closest to another goal when Paddock hit the post, as the Ambers leave 5-0 losers, with a late sinbinning and 5 yellow cards - the last, bizarrely, to Mersey's manager for a comment from the crowd ('Ref - you're Stretford's man of the match'). But at least we see Valley have a shot on target....

 

Champagne Football From Bolly - Valley Of The Dead.....

And so to Banky Lane for a Cheshire League Division Two mid-week fixture between Mersey Valley FC and Bollington Town FC.

Mersey Valley FC from Banky Lane, which lies on the border of Sale and Carrington, was set up in 2014, joining the Cheshire League Division 2. The Ambers gained promotion in 2016, but dropped back in 2018 despite finishing mid table. Valley then resigned mid season 2019/20 with their results expunged.

The club reformed and was readmittted this summer to the Cheshire League, starting with 4 home fixtures - defeats 2-6 to Haydock FC and 0-5 to West Didsbury & Chorlton Reserves, and draws 2-2 against Stretford Paddock and 1-1 with Pilkington Reserves and then a sweltering 2-0 away defeat at Lymm Rovers last Saturday. Their motto of 'Health and Happiness' rather misplaced currently.....

Bollington Town FC was established in 2021, but strangely were champions of the Altrincham and District League Division One in both the 2020/21 and 2021/22 seasons.

Bolly play at the Bollington Recreation Ground just outside Macclesfield, and, after being elevated to the Cheshire League have started with four straight victories.

Beyond Arthur's Tree, The Old Pelican, Siddalls Bridge and a dog pooh fairy that doesn't exist (!) brings me to Manor Avenue. Thereafter the Sam Brooks pub, the Racecourse Estate, rebranded as 'Our Sale West', then Manor Academy 'Succeeding Together' and Mersey Farm. Numberplates on view tonight are SO11JA W, CL0 8OOT and H20 PTP (Pete The Pipe), plus a gardener advertising as Never Mower...

That brings me to Banky Lane, the sewage works to the right and Mersey Valley Sports Club on the left. The club also hosts Sale Amateurs FC on an adjoining pitch, rugby in the form of Ashton on Mersey RUFC and a bowling green - a hoofed clearance in the first few minutes landing on the green, disturbing the bowls matches in progress. The iconic liveried shipping container is at the far end, the clubhouse adjacent and the other two sides are tree lined - and with midges again the sewage works......

Mersey Valley are in amber with a black stripe, Bollington in change black and white stripes with yellow trim. Kick off is pushed back to 1845, the crowd is 30ish, and Town waste three glorious chances in the first five minutes, one from an appalling back pass matched by an equally shocking one on one miss.

No matter as Josh Connolly stabs home from a yard on 7 minutes, and when the ball comes back off the post thrashes home the rebound two minutes later, which prompts a very early home substitution. The Ambers, in a rare attacking foray, see a header drift wide from a long throw, but it's all Bolly, pressing high and depriving Valley of their possession dominated game plan. Several more opportunities are spurned - the Valley keeper having a blinder - before Connolly cuts inside and squeezes, left footed, the ball inside the post for his hat trick on 37 minutes; Town lead 3-0 at the break.

More of the same in the second half - Bolly go four up on 54 minutes, with a short corner converted by Nathan Jackson, the ball squirming through the keeper's hands. The home custodian goes down with cramp shortly after - no wonder given how overworked he has been !!

5-0 arrives ten minutes later as a gorgeous through ball sees four Bolly attackers squabble over who will score, the Ambers' shotstopper performing heroics, his defenders absent without leave, and eventually Connolly delivers the coup de grace. And that's how it finishes, Bolly passing up more chances and the Ambers forcing one tip over - Town deserved winners, but they should have had more....

Green For Rovers - Red For Ambers.....

 And so to Lymm High School and the Leisure Centre for a Cheshire League Division Two clash between Lymm Rovers FC, their fourth home outing in five, and Mersey Valley FC - their first away fixture after four straight home games.

Lymm Rovers was originally established as a junior (boys) team but after gaining FA Charter Standard Community Status set up a female section and then, in 2021, entered a seniors team in the Altrincham and District Amateur League.

Despite finishing bottom Rovers were accepted into the Cheshire League Division Two, starting with an 8-0 home loss to Hartford, a 4-3 win against Haydock (after going 4-0 up), a 6-0 thrashing at Upton (who apparently were awesome !) and then an encouraging 4-0 thumping of Atherton Laburnum Rovers' second string. 

Mersey Valley FC from Banky Lane, on the border of Sale and Carington, was set up in 2014, joining the Cheshire League Division 2. The Ambers gained promotion in 2016, but dropped back in 2018 despite finishing mid table. Valley then resigned mid season 2019/20 with their results expunged.

The club reformed and was readmittted this summer to the Cheshire League, starting with home defeats 2-6 to Haydock FC and 0-5 to West Didsbury & Chorlton Reserves, and draws 2-2 against Stretford Paddock and 1-1 with Pilkington Reserves.

So on a glorious, sweltering mid August Saturday it's past the Old Cheshire Cheese, Twister Interiors and Cuts Both Ways - Ladies and Gents Hairdressing. Down to the Bowdon roundabout with registration plates J5ST DO and DA15Y B'Z on view.

The Lymm turn off brings me to Little Bollington, Ye Olde Number 3 and the Posh Bunny Motel. Thereafter Agden, the Barn Owl Inn, signs for the Traction Engine Rally this weekend, and through roadworks past the Jolly Thresher, it's a right into Oughtrington Lane and Lymm High and Leisure Centre.

Plenty of building work - and car parking ! - in evidence with the 3G pitch, one side open but spectators lurking in the shade behind the sheltered left goal and opposite (beyond the dugouts), surrounded by countryside and trees, the school on its periphery. The crowd numbers 8 - 6 pensioners, a young lady and myself, but this swells to 25 by the end. The extreme heat sees one of the (original) pensioners on the verge of collapse, staggering on the railings, midway through the second period. Thankfully he recovers...

Rovers are in dark blue, keeper Ross Laidlaw in shocking salmon, whilst Valley wear, naturally, amber with a black stripe - their custodian in red. The heat means drinks breaks every 15 minutes... and not just for the players !!

Lymm have two 'goals' chalked off for offside, before on 20 minutes a raking crossfield ball is cut back and stroked home by Rory Ridley-Thomas. Rovers hit the post with a lob, but double their lead three minutes before the break - a side to side move picks out Joe Napier-Hemy on the left and he sweeps home. Laidlaw preserves the two goal advantage with a fine save on half time.

The second half is understandably subdued as the mercury hits 32C, and is characterised by Lymm perpetually picking the wrong option and the Ambers' wild shooting. Two bookings from the referee, who is exemplary, and then in injury time Valley have a shot tipped onto the bar. The resulting corner sees a goal line clearance but it is 2-0 finalizado - exhausting.....

Blacon Medallions - Whalley Minutely Out Of Range......

And so to the 19th of June and what almost certainly will prove to be the Cheshire League Division Two title decider - Cairns Crescent, Blacon on the outskirts of Chester and leaders Blacon Youth FC versus second place Whalley Range.

Blacon's background was covered last week in their comfortable 5-0 win at Hartford - the threatened three points deduction remains just that, with this their final fixture of the season, and a record of 16 wins and 3 defeats in their 19 league games. Range finish at bottom of the table Hartford next weekend, sitting seven (potentially four) points behind Youth...

And so to the visitors from the Kings Road, not in Chelsea, instead in the humbler surroundings of Whalley Range.

 

The Whalley Range Amateur Football Club has had a continuous existence from 1900, and may have started ten years before that. In 1903 it became one of the founder members of the Manchester section of the Lancashire Amateur League and from 1919 a member of the Amateur Football Association.

 

Promoted as champions of the Lancashire & Cheshire Premier League in the 2019/20 season the Range commenced this term in Cheshire League Division Two. A fine start to the season with 4 straight wins 5-0, 6-3, 8-2, 9-1 then a 1-1 draw, ruining their perfect start, at Sandbach, left them top. A 9-0 home drubbing of the orful, and now extinct, Orford was where I saw them last.

 

Subsequently a voided game at Golborne Sports, both sides awarded no points for 'failure to control players' has left the Range behind Blacon Youth in second - a 3-2 defeat to Blacon at home and that voided match potentially costing them the championship.

So it's another warm breezy summer's day with a bruised sky and periodic sunshine as I set out for the 1400 kick off, past the travellers who have moved on from the Pelican car park to St Ambrose, Blessed Thomas Holford and now Salisbury Fields. Beyond Altrincham Eyelash Extensions (!) and the 'Not So Secret Garden' in the Stamford Quarter, I reach the M56, with the A556 still blighted by weekend roadworks.

Avoiding the Inland Border Facility at Appleton Thorn, Stanlow still belching and then it's off onto the A540, bypassing Little and Great Saughall, beyond Mollington Banastre and the Secret Diva - so secret it's shut !! Into Melbourne Road where the Whalley Range coach is parked, then right into Cairns Crescent; I choose, from experience, to avoid the limited parking inside the Cairns Crescent Play Area, taking my chances on the council estate streets. Numberplates on offer today are D1GGY, R3HAB (?) and F7USH, the latter a van operated by Fuel Flush, specialising in helping motorists who have filled up with the wrong fuel....

Inside a huge crowd (for this level - Non League Step 9) of approximately 125 (25 away) gathers, with the ground dedicated to Len & Bob Evans, in honour of the club's founders. The dressing rooms are immediately to my left then the clubhouse with its strapline highlighting '19 This is Blacon 64'. At the top end is a mini pitch and another well worn full size lawn.

Unusually, for this level, we have two linesmen ('Liner if you want to keep your windows you know what to do'), and, less unusually, a rather portly referee, wearing yellow. Blacon are in black and white stripes, sponsored by Henry's Horticulture & Landscapes, Whalley Range in red with faded black stripes, and sponsored by SLA Property Maintenance.

Blacon start the better and are guilty of a stinker of a miss, shooting straight at Range keeper Nicolae Stinca. So on 19 minutes, against the run of play, it's a surprise when Jack Timmons, with a wonderful piece of skill, slots Whalley ahead with their first and only real chance of the half.

A flare up midway through brings two yellow cards, with several more to follow. Then Youth's Aaron Hinchliffe is fouled in the box six minutes before half time, and Sam Henry converts the penalty. 1-1 at the break, and a first ever sighting of a Blacon player smoking a joint - it's tense....

Six minutes into the second period a dreadful Blacon free kick produces a swift Range counter attack, the ball is played wide right and then squared for Danny Heffernan to side foot in. But Whalley are thereafter reduced to 9 men with 2 sinbinnings for dissent to the aforementioned linesman: Blacon seem bereft of invention and inspiration, however.

But having gone back up to 10 players, Micky Connor heads home, socially distanced, from a corner to make it 3-1 on 76 minutes. Four minutes on Hinchliffe is fouled, seemingly outside the area, but a penalty is given and Henry obliges again.

With five minutes to go a glorious ball is played over to the left wing, and a sumptuous cross is gleefully volleyed home by Hinchliffe for 3-3. Absolute bedlam, a pitch invasion and flares set off, but further twists are to come....

A minute into stoppage time a wild tackle gives Range a free kick well within, er, range of the goal. Timmons hits the inside of the post and Heffernan gobbles up the rebound to make it 4-3 to Whalley, and there is a second pitch invasion.

Then on 94 minutes Blacon fashion their last chance; Hinchliffe has his shot saved, but the ball is recycled and cut back, then thrashed home to make it 4-4 and prompt a third crowd invasion.

A fourth pitch invasion takes place barely a minute later, as the man in yellow blows for full time - Blacon champions and Invincibles, points deduction or no, and Whalley going from the Theatre of Dreams to, in the city of Chester, the Cathedral of Despair......

Quite quite incredible.. and a fitting finale to the season as Range, promoted nonetheless, subsequently receive an away walkover for the Hartford game, with the Harts unable to provide a pitch or a team....

Hartless - Youth Take Home The Blacon, But Not The Title.......

And so to the 12th of June, the Cheshire League Division Two and a trip to the Moss Farm Leisure Complex in Winnington for a clash between Hartford and Blacon Youth.

Hartford FC's history is not well documented, but Hartford Boys FC was certainly in existence in the mid 1980s, and the Harts had a brief four season excursion to the Mid Cheshire League between 1961 and 1965.

The 'Boys' tag was dropped in 2011, and the historical and spiritual home (hart?) of football in the village, 'The Green Field', located behind the village post office, in the shadow of St John's village church became evermore blighted by drainage and waterlogging issues. Consequently Hartford FC took the decision to leave 'The Green', moving to the new 3G facility at Hartford High School in 2015, where they train - but now play at Moss Farm.

The new Hartford FC returned to the Cheshire League Division Two in 2019, but, in a pandemic disrupted season, ended up with one win and seventeen defeats. This campaign has fared little better, one win, two draws and five points from a possible 54, but at least the club will complete the season, unlike Nantwich Town Reserves and the orful Orford FC...

Blacon Youth FC was founded in 1964, playing in local Chester leagues before joining the West Cheshire League in 1981, leaving in 2016 to drop down to the Chester & Wirral League. A season later Blacon joined the Cheshire League and successive promotions, finalised by a late May Bank Holiday weekend fiery draw with Broadheath Central (who also went up), took them to the Premier Division in 2019. The team, nonetheless, won the Cheshire Cup that year.

It didn't last as an exodus of players, tempted by higher league football and wages, forced Blacon to resign mid-season. The reserve side took on the mantle in Division 2, where they currently sit top with 15 victories and 3 draws from 18 matches, and 2 games left.

So through the outskirts of Timperley, Altrincham and Bowdon - a combination of hip and hip replacement ! - it's beyond Cheshire Retreat, 'Character Office Suites' at Denzell Gardens, and Dunham Oaks to the M56, with the more direct route blighted by ongoing lengthy A556 roadworks.

Off at junction 10, the Stretton Fox on one side, the Partridge on the other (how apposite !), with numberplates M15SDD and H31 8ABE on view, as I join the A49. Past Brookside and Greenwood Fisheries, then White Hart Serenity in Cuddington, through to Bartington Forge, then left into Sandiway, Blakemere Village, Vale Royal Falconry Centre and The Cods Pollocks chippy as I reach Winnington and the Moss Farm Leisure Complex, next door to Winnington Park County Primary School.

The complex is the home of the Cheshire FA, Northwich RUFC and Northwich CC, with the astroturf surface surrounded by 3 rugby and 2 football pitches, a social club and tall trees - with Winnington Park RUFC beyond, travellers now having been removed.....

The Harts are in red and black, Blacon in black and white stripes, and understrength, apparently missing 5 or 6 players, but fresh from beating Upton AA 3-0 midweek in the Chester & District Cup Final. Also missing is their star striker, who turns up ten minutes after a strange 1345 kick off in glorious sunshine, vapour trails covering an otherwise cloudless sky - he blames a car breakdown/ puncture... The 'official' attendance is 20, as counted by one of a group of four spectators from the Black Country, who witnessed 11 goals in half an hour at a game last weekend...and couldn't keep up !!

Unsurprisingly it's a disjointed Blacon first period performance and the goalfest never materialises. Instead they have to rely on their right back Rowan Brookes to head home a corner on 16 minutes, and then a lung bursting run a quarter of an hour later finished with a shot across the keeper. Youth lead 2-0 at the break.

Introduction of their centre forward sees Blacon move 4-0 up within six minutes of the restart, the fourth a splendid team effort. Brookes is then, reluctantly, entrusted with a penalty which is saved, before the visitors score a fifth. Brookes then steers another header on target from a corner, the away bench already cheering his hat trick...but denied by an extraordinary save - it's just not meant to be.... 

The game rather fizzles out thereafter, the Harts fashioning two good chances, both shots threatening to interfere with an adjoining match rather than the goal. Finally, in the dying moments, a long range effort from their right winger, one of two Hartford players wearing number 7 shirts (but with different sponsors !) takes aim and his shot is unconvincingly palmed onto the underside of the bar.

5-0 to Blacon at the finish, and now standing 7 points clear of Whalley Range, who have two games to play. But not champions, as a three point deduction for ineligible player reasons is almost certain - which means Blacon against Whalley Range next Saturday will decide the the title - Range's final game is away at Hartford ☺

Orful - Nine is Fine As Whalley Find Their Range !!

And so to the Kings Road, not in Chelsea, instead in humbler surroundings at Whalley Range, for a Cheshire League Division Two clash between Whalley Range AFC and Orford FC.
The Whalley Range Amateur Football Club has had a continuous existence from 1900, and may have started ten years before that. In 1903 it became one of the founder members of the Manchester section of the Lancashire Amateur League and from 1919 a member of the Amateur Football Association.

Promoted as champions of the Lancashire & Cheshire Premier League in the 2019/20 season the Range commenced this term in Cheshire League Division Two. A fine start to the season with 4 straight wins 5-0, 6-3, 8-2, 9-1 then a 1-1 draw, ruining their perfect start, at Sandbach, leaves them top.

Orford FC was founded in 1975, and played in the Warrington District League for over 35 seasons. The club joined Cheshire League Division Two ahead of the 2016/17 season.

Orford, playing at the Orford Jubilee Neighbourhood Hub, were moved up to the First Division in 2018/19 but their last campaign proved disastrous - 2 points from 14 games and relegation back to the Second Division. This season has opened with two defeats.

On a chilly autumnal afternoon it's past The Pelican, which has had its last drink, and Cool Tan where the (sun)lights are switched off, then to Zymologists Sourdough Bakery. Then a numberplate strikes A C1:1ORD, followed by S1.1PER.

To the former Old Cock and the huge council tower block that announce Stretford, beyond the site of the iconic Drum pub, and then The Essoldo where I turn right by Stretford Metrolink. Longford Park on my left, a massively rutted road and then I reach The Centre For Meditation & Modern Buddhism.....

Chorlton awaits, with Little Yeti (Nepalese), Mint Lounge (Asian Fusion - whatever that is !) and Coriander (straightforward Indian) living cheek by jowl. Left on to St Werburghs Road, up the hill, beyond the tram stop and right into Kings Road for the football club.

A pair of red and black gates tucked between two semis (192 and 194) - blink and you miss it (as I did twice !!) - gives no indication that a football club exists in this residential area. The gates lead to a small car park, which I wisely avoid, parking on the street, as every bit of space is used regardless of vehicles being blocked in or emergency vehicle access.

Inside the pitch, and an adjoining warm up pitch, are completely hemmed in by housing, some extended to huge proportions but let down by broken fences. Thick, virtually impenetrable, brambles on the far side, whilst the near side has the clubhouse, complete with new covered terrace and trestle tables. There are also a tuck shop, two shipping containers and a large roller.

Range are in red with black stripes, Orford in green and black. Referee only with coaching staff running the lines, and a crowd, eventually, of roughly 40 assembles for the 2pm kick off.

Whalley have the first chance, Rhys Jones denied by the keeper's legs before Orford fashion two great opportunities - one just wide, the other drawing a good save from Nick Stinca.

On 23 minutes Range's left back Scott Welch goes on a marauding run, a feature of the game, lays off to Jones and his cross produces a tap in for Caylem Bateson. Bateson then hits the outside of the post with a diving header, and the inside of the other post with a more measured shot.

Just after the half hour substitute Josh Calle doubles the lead from a corner never properly cleared. By this time Orford have used three substitutes due to injury, and to add insult Jones and then Bateman round the keeper on 35 and 41 to make it 4-0 at half time, which again is a bare five minutes.

Five minutes into the second period and any hopes of an Orford fightback lay forelorn - reduced to ten men as one of their substitutes is shown a straight red for a wild kick out at the outstanding Tez Butler. Four minutes later Bateson waltzes through to complete his hat trick, and is then withdrawn to avoid talking himself up from a yellow card to a red.

Orford then strike the post from a hopeful cross that evades everyone, but on the hour comes the goal of the game. It starts with a Welch pirouette outside his own penalty area, a strong run, lay off and sprint to latch onto the through ball before smashing home - the crowd still oohing and aahing about the skill shown in his own half.

Then a slight lull, Jones going close twice and Orford exerting some pressure - their goal simply a consolation one. It doesn't happen and in the final eight minutes their defence goes completely AWOL, allowing Jones to provide assists for Andy Morley, and to great cheers from the bar area, Rob Kinsella.

90 minutes are up as Josh Calle adds his second for 9-0, given virtually the whole of the goal to shoot at by a hopelessly mispositioned keeper. 1537 and the referee calls time...