Eight Is Great - Breight Dead And Boroughed.... !

And so to Moss Park, Back Bury Road and the outskirts of Bolton for a clash, a derby of sorts, between Breightmet United and UoB Bolton Borough.

Breightmet United was founded in 1880, plying its trade in the Bolton & District Amateur League, West Lancashire League and then the Bolton Combination. Indeed United contributed a leather bound West Lancashire League membership book for the 1888/89 season to the National Football Museum.

In 1911 Breightmet reached the first round of the FA Cup, one game away from playing the mighty Arsenal. A narrow 1-0 reverse to Darwen, but the Salmoners were annihilated 10-1 at Highbury - so a lucky escape for United ??

1935 saw United buy their Bury Road ground for £453 with the club later joining the Manchester League Division One for the 1990/91 season. Champions in 2003, but relegated in 2009, Breightmet were placed in Division Two for the 2017/18 campaign.

2018/19 was the club's nadir: one draw in 24 games, -2 points following a 3 point deduction and a goal difference of -147. 2019/20 produced 5 points from 14 games, and in the last aborted season, only commenced following receipt of a Sport England grant which saved the club from extinction, 8th place out of 11 with seven points from seven games was a welcome improvement. 

However the 2021/22 campaign can only be described as disastrous - a 5-5 draw against Daisy Hill Development the only point gained prior to the back to back fixtures against the pointless Cavaliers. The home tie produced an extraordinary 9-5 victory, fighting back from a 3-1 half time deficit, but on the following Saturday Cavaliers exacted revenge in an atrocious 2-1 win featuring 4 red cards. Cavaliers have subsequently attracted nationwide attention and are now sponsored by SpecSavers and coached by Jimmy Bullard.

UoB Bolton Borough are a new team this season, the result of a joint venture between Bolton Wanderers and the University of Bolton. Their home ground is the artificial pitch at Wanderers' Eddie Davies Academy in Lostock.

Borough, in their inaugural campaign, currently sit 4th, with games in hand, on 35 points from 16 matches (eleven victories, two draws and three defeats) - compared to Breightmet's 4 points from 21 games... and a goal difference of -88......

On a gorgeous sunny spring day it's past a plethora of tanning salons - Solace, Sunsation, Sol and, later, Tantastic then Midnight Delivery in Sale before I hit the M60. Beyond Beyond (formerly known as Chill Factore) with numberplates today featuring F3MUR (costing an arm or a leg ?), 42K (costing considerably more...) and SOU5A.

Off at Junction 15 to the Devil's Road, A666, with bridge graffiti 'Your Fear Is Their Power' then the A570 leading to the A58 Bury Road and Complete Koi & Aquatics. Through Tonge Fold, Oaken Bottom and into Breightmet, where I'm greeted by Daisy Chains Nursery, Bloomers Balloons, Dogs Body's, Keith Hinsley Affordable Builder and The Wet Room.

Moss Park is opposite the retail estate, down a flooded back alley beset with flytipping and a partially stripped Transit van. A mini astroturf pitch is up top opposite the clubhouse, bar and changing rooms - the ground down below, encircled by trees, housing and Bury Road.

Breightmet are in black and white stripes, a mix and match of kits featuring sponsors B2B and Bid Group - Borough in white and blue with yellow trim. The crowd is 3, my neighbour ('thought I'd turn up to increase the crowd by 100%') being joined later by a young lady - although half a dozen are congregated in the beer garden watching on by the end.

The first half is one sided - UoB take the lead on 2 minutes with a penalty conceded from a silly handball. That is doubled on 10 minutes, a charged down clearance and the centre forward rounds the keeper for 2-0. Three minutes later Borough's right back speeds forward, plays a one two with the winger and slots in via the near post. United's final substitute belatedly arrives a quarter of an hour after kick off.....

The goals keep coming for the visitors; 21 minutes sees a cushioned volley and two minutes later a 25 yard screamer into the top corner makes it five. Breightmet's only opportunity is a volley from a corner - superbly saved.

Then bang on half time UoB's number 9 completes his hat trick with a messy toe poke, amidst much confusion in the six yard box. The interval sees three substitutions for the away team, including their hat trick hero, and they are nowhere near as cohesive in the second period.

Despite United's goalkeeper comedically, and painfully, colliding with a goalpost - a suicidal pass and a Borough open goal header steered wide - UoB only score twice more. On 67 an assured finish from the edge of the box and 9 minutes later a Panenka penalty, following a trip in the box.

The diminutive elderly referee has had enough and blows for time a full five minutes early - Breightmet United 0 UoB Bolton Borough 8 finalizado ☺