Blacon Medallions - Whalley Minutely Out Of Range......

And so to the 19th of June and what almost certainly will prove to be the Cheshire League Division Two title decider - Cairns Crescent, Blacon on the outskirts of Chester and leaders Blacon Youth FC versus second place Whalley Range.

Blacon's background was covered last week in their comfortable 5-0 win at Hartford - the threatened three points deduction remains just that, with this their final fixture of the season, and a record of 16 wins and 3 defeats in their 19 league games. Range finish at bottom of the table Hartford next weekend, sitting seven (potentially four) points behind Youth...

And so to the visitors from the Kings Road, not in Chelsea, instead in the humbler surroundings of Whalley Range.

 

The Whalley Range Amateur Football Club has had a continuous existence from 1900, and may have started ten years before that. In 1903 it became one of the founder members of the Manchester section of the Lancashire Amateur League and from 1919 a member of the Amateur Football Association.

 

Promoted as champions of the Lancashire & Cheshire Premier League in the 2019/20 season the Range commenced this term in Cheshire League Division Two. A fine start to the season with 4 straight wins 5-0, 6-3, 8-2, 9-1 then a 1-1 draw, ruining their perfect start, at Sandbach, left them top. A 9-0 home drubbing of the orful, and now extinct, Orford was where I saw them last.

 

Subsequently a voided game at Golborne Sports, both sides awarded no points for 'failure to control players' has left the Range behind Blacon Youth in second - a 3-2 defeat to Blacon at home and that voided match potentially costing them the championship.

So it's another warm breezy summer's day with a bruised sky and periodic sunshine as I set out for the 1400 kick off, past the travellers who have moved on from the Pelican car park to St Ambrose, Blessed Thomas Holford and now Salisbury Fields. Beyond Altrincham Eyelash Extensions (!) and the 'Not So Secret Garden' in the Stamford Quarter, I reach the M56, with the A556 still blighted by weekend roadworks.

Avoiding the Inland Border Facility at Appleton Thorn, Stanlow still belching and then it's off onto the A540, bypassing Little and Great Saughall, beyond Mollington Banastre and the Secret Diva - so secret it's shut !! Into Melbourne Road where the Whalley Range coach is parked, then right into Cairns Crescent; I choose, from experience, to avoid the limited parking inside the Cairns Crescent Play Area, taking my chances on the council estate streets. Numberplates on offer today are D1GGY, R3HAB (?) and F7USH, the latter a van operated by Fuel Flush, specialising in helping motorists who have filled up with the wrong fuel....

Inside a huge crowd (for this level - Non League Step 9) of approximately 125 (25 away) gathers, with the ground dedicated to Len & Bob Evans, in honour of the club's founders. The dressing rooms are immediately to my left then the clubhouse with its strapline highlighting '19 This is Blacon 64'. At the top end is a mini pitch and another well worn full size lawn.

Unusually, for this level, we have two linesmen ('Liner if you want to keep your windows you know what to do'), and, less unusually, a rather portly referee, wearing yellow. Blacon are in black and white stripes, sponsored by Henry's Horticulture & Landscapes, Whalley Range in red with faded black stripes, and sponsored by SLA Property Maintenance.

Blacon start the better and are guilty of a stinker of a miss, shooting straight at Range keeper Nicolae Stinca. So on 19 minutes, against the run of play, it's a surprise when Jack Timmons, with a wonderful piece of skill, slots Whalley ahead with their first and only real chance of the half.

A flare up midway through brings two yellow cards, with several more to follow. Then Youth's Aaron Hinchliffe is fouled in the box six minutes before half time, and Sam Henry converts the penalty. 1-1 at the break, and a first ever sighting of a Blacon player smoking a joint - it's tense....

Six minutes into the second period a dreadful Blacon free kick produces a swift Range counter attack, the ball is played wide right and then squared for Danny Heffernan to side foot in. But Whalley are thereafter reduced to 9 men with 2 sinbinnings for dissent to the aforementioned linesman: Blacon seem bereft of invention and inspiration, however.

But having gone back up to 10 players, Micky Connor heads home, socially distanced, from a corner to make it 3-1 on 76 minutes. Four minutes on Hinchliffe is fouled, seemingly outside the area, but a penalty is given and Henry obliges again.

With five minutes to go a glorious ball is played over to the left wing, and a sumptuous cross is gleefully volleyed home by Hinchliffe for 3-3. Absolute bedlam, a pitch invasion and flares set off, but further twists are to come....

A minute into stoppage time a wild tackle gives Range a free kick well within, er, range of the goal. Timmons hits the inside of the post and Heffernan gobbles up the rebound to make it 4-3 to Whalley, and there is a second pitch invasion.

Then on 94 minutes Blacon fashion their last chance; Hinchliffe has his shot saved, but the ball is recycled and cut back, then thrashed home to make it 4-4 and prompt a third crowd invasion.

A fourth pitch invasion takes place barely a minute later, as the man in yellow blows for full time - Blacon champions and Invincibles, points deduction or no, and Whalley going from the Theatre of Dreams to, in the city of Chester, the Cathedral of Despair......

Quite quite incredible.. and a fitting finale to the season as Range, promoted nonetheless, subsequently receive an away walkover for the Hartford game, with the Harts unable to provide a pitch or a team....

Hartless - Youth Take Home The Blacon, But Not The Title.......

And so to the 12th of June, the Cheshire League Division Two and a trip to the Moss Farm Leisure Complex in Winnington for a clash between Hartford and Blacon Youth.

Hartford FC's history is not well documented, but Hartford Boys FC was certainly in existence in the mid 1980s, and the Harts had a brief four season excursion to the Mid Cheshire League between 1961 and 1965.

The 'Boys' tag was dropped in 2011, and the historical and spiritual home (hart?) of football in the village, 'The Green Field', located behind the village post office, in the shadow of St John's village church became evermore blighted by drainage and waterlogging issues. Consequently Hartford FC took the decision to leave 'The Green', moving to the new 3G facility at Hartford High School in 2015, where they train - but now play at Moss Farm.

The new Hartford FC returned to the Cheshire League Division Two in 2019, but, in a pandemic disrupted season, ended up with one win and seventeen defeats. This campaign has fared little better, one win, two draws and five points from a possible 54, but at least the club will complete the season, unlike Nantwich Town Reserves and the orful Orford FC...

Blacon Youth FC was founded in 1964, playing in local Chester leagues before joining the West Cheshire League in 1981, leaving in 2016 to drop down to the Chester & Wirral League. A season later Blacon joined the Cheshire League and successive promotions, finalised by a late May Bank Holiday weekend fiery draw with Broadheath Central (who also went up), took them to the Premier Division in 2019. The team, nonetheless, won the Cheshire Cup that year.

It didn't last as an exodus of players, tempted by higher league football and wages, forced Blacon to resign mid-season. The reserve side took on the mantle in Division 2, where they currently sit top with 15 victories and 3 draws from 18 matches, and 2 games left.

So through the outskirts of Timperley, Altrincham and Bowdon - a combination of hip and hip replacement ! - it's beyond Cheshire Retreat, 'Character Office Suites' at Denzell Gardens, and Dunham Oaks to the M56, with the more direct route blighted by ongoing lengthy A556 roadworks.

Off at junction 10, the Stretton Fox on one side, the Partridge on the other (how apposite !), with numberplates M15SDD and H31 8ABE on view, as I join the A49. Past Brookside and Greenwood Fisheries, then White Hart Serenity in Cuddington, through to Bartington Forge, then left into Sandiway, Blakemere Village, Vale Royal Falconry Centre and The Cods Pollocks chippy as I reach Winnington and the Moss Farm Leisure Complex, next door to Winnington Park County Primary School.

The complex is the home of the Cheshire FA, Northwich RUFC and Northwich CC, with the astroturf surface surrounded by 3 rugby and 2 football pitches, a social club and tall trees - with Winnington Park RUFC beyond, travellers now having been removed.....

The Harts are in red and black, Blacon in black and white stripes, and understrength, apparently missing 5 or 6 players, but fresh from beating Upton AA 3-0 midweek in the Chester & District Cup Final. Also missing is their star striker, who turns up ten minutes after a strange 1345 kick off in glorious sunshine, vapour trails covering an otherwise cloudless sky - he blames a car breakdown/ puncture... The 'official' attendance is 20, as counted by one of a group of four spectators from the Black Country, who witnessed 11 goals in half an hour at a game last weekend...and couldn't keep up !!

Unsurprisingly it's a disjointed Blacon first period performance and the goalfest never materialises. Instead they have to rely on their right back Rowan Brookes to head home a corner on 16 minutes, and then a lung bursting run a quarter of an hour later finished with a shot across the keeper. Youth lead 2-0 at the break.

Introduction of their centre forward sees Blacon move 4-0 up within six minutes of the restart, the fourth a splendid team effort. Brookes is then, reluctantly, entrusted with a penalty which is saved, before the visitors score a fifth. Brookes then steers another header on target from a corner, the away bench already cheering his hat trick...but denied by an extraordinary save - it's just not meant to be.... 

The game rather fizzles out thereafter, the Harts fashioning two good chances, both shots threatening to interfere with an adjoining match rather than the goal. Finally, in the dying moments, a long range effort from their right winger, one of two Hartford players wearing number 7 shirts (but with different sponsors !) takes aim and his shot is unconvincingly palmed onto the underside of the bar.

5-0 to Blacon at the finish, and now standing 7 points clear of Whalley Range, who have two games to play. But not champions, as a three point deduction for ineligible player reasons is almost certain - which means Blacon against Whalley Range next Saturday will decide the the title - Range's final game is away at Hartford ☺

Mighty Atoms Save The Daten !

And so onto the next part of the roadmap and Thursday night football to the Cheshire League for a reserves fixture at Culcheth Sports Club. I had been hoping to take in Daten versus Lostock Gralam (the Grey Lambs - yes really !!) earlier in the month but that fell foul of the public/ private lockdown debate, so it's Daten and Broadheath Central tonight.

Daten FC was formed in 1948 and was the football team of British Nuclear Fuels Sports and Social Club, now Culcheth Sports Club. The club's history goes back prior to this as the site was originally an inshore navy depot built in the 1930s known as HMS Ariel, with the football pitches located on what was the parade ground and where the auxiliary buildings were located. Sometimes in exceptionally dry weather the foundations' outlines can be seen.

Daten is derived from Department of Atomic Energy, with an emblem of an atom and their nickname of The Atoms. Home kit is orange, away yellow and green matching the safety colours of BNFL.

The club preliminarily played in local leagues and sourced players from the workforce based nearby or family members before opening up to the community in later years whilst participating in the local Warrington District League. 

The Atoms changed in 1999 with the closing down of British Nuclear Fuels and, with the help of a Sport England grant and a considerable sum raised by club members, the club moved from Daten to Culcheth Sports Club, but the football club decided to retain its name. Promoted at the end of the 2017/18 season, Daten have finished 11th in the past two seasons, and with five points from six games lay 14th (of 17) this time, with early elimination from the post Covid Cup.

Broadheath Central Junior FC was established in 1922, and played in local Saturday and Sunday Leagues for many years before joining the Mid Cheshire League in 1991 and immediately gaining promotion to Division One. Relegated in 1997, Central left the (now) Cheshire League in 2009 for the Altrincham and District Amateur League.

Heath rejoined the Cheshire League in 2016, and moved up from the First Division to the Premier in 2019 after a fiery 1-1 draw with the now defunct Blacon Youth (still extant in Division Two via their Reserve side) in very late May. Eighteen games last time, thirteen points and thirteenth place at curtailment was a disappointment.

This campaign two wins, four draws and a solitary loss in an entertaining clash with Altrincham Reserves left Broadheath in 5th, but Central, unlike the Atoms, progressed in the JB Parker Cup, after a thrilling 5-1 thrashing of GPSO (Greenalls Padgate St Oswalds) in their final group fixture, complete with livewire toddler pitch invasion.... Semi finals now await after a 6-1 drubbing of Winstanley Warriors. The reserves sit rock bottom, with Daten starting to climb the table following back to back victories.

Glorious sunshine and a scenic route through Dunham Massey, via the National Trust property, country pubs the Vine Inn and The Rope and Anchor, Dunham Fishery before I hit Warburton, the Saracen's Head and the toll bridge - 12p I won't see again !! Numberplates tonight are S1 TUP and RAV3N - the latter black naturally ☺

Then into Glazebury, home of The Hugging Table Company (?), before arriving at Culcheth, Little Lions Cattery, left at Culcheth High School and onto Charnock Road. As expected parking is shambolic at the Sports Club...

The club is set back from the road, and supports two football pitches, four tennis courts, a croquet lawn, Legacy bar and Northern Starr Dance & Fitness. The complex is entirely surrounded by residential housing and flats, bar a short area bordered by a petrol station, with Newchurch Parish Church providing musical chimes in the corner.....

The Atoms are in orange and black, Broadheath in red and black stripes and a 'crowd' of 9 endures an abject first half hour. Then an atomic fusion as a long ball is inadvertently flicked on by a Central defender on 32 minutes and the Daten forward beats the onrushing keeper from 35 yards. Thereafter both sides fashion chances, the best of which produces a superb reaction save from the home custodian.

The second period sees Broadheath largely anonymous, and the Atoms miss several chances. Finally they score a second with five minutes to go, a strong, unchallenged header from a corner by the centre half.

Then, in the first minute of injury time, another Atomic break, the hobbling Broadheath keeper saves but the ball loops up and is headed in from a couple of yards to make it 3-0. The away shotstopper goes down, injured again, and the referee blows up, despite the fact we have had ten minutes of stoppages this half....

Alty Hale A Perfect Ten At The BTH (Breightmet Totally Hammered)

And so after last weekend's FA Vase drama between Warrington Rylands 1906 FC and West Auckland Town, with Town, who despite being thrashed 4-0 at North Ferriby in the previous round, progressing due to the Villagers' ineligible player and expulsion in their own farcical version of 'Been To Hull and Back', it's to Urban Road in Altrincham. There stands BTH (Blessed Thomas Holford School), the home of Manchester League First Division Altrincham Hale FC, for another Murray Trophy fixture, with the visitors being Second Division Breightmet United FC.

Altrincham Hale FC was established in 2007 playing in the local Altrincham & District League, before joining the Manchester League Division One in 2017. Immediate relegation was followed by swift promotion as champions in 2018.

11th of 13 in the abandoned 2019/20 season, Alty Hale sat next to bottom at null and voidance last term, having played only three games because of a Covid outbreak at the start of the season - one win and 2 defeats.

Breightmet United was founded in 1880, plying its trade in the Bolton & District Amateur League, West Lancashire League and the Bolton Combination. Indeed United contributed a leather bound West Lancashire League membership book for the 1888/89 season to the National Football Museum.

In 1911 Breightmet reached the first round of the FA Cup, one game away from playing the mighty Arsenal. A narrow 1-0 reverse to Darwen, but the Salmoners were annihilated 10-1 at Highbury - a lucky escape for United ??

1935 saw United buy their Bury Road ground for £453 with the club subsequently joining the Manchester League Division One for the 1990/91 season. Champions in 2003, but relegated in 2009, Breightmet were placed in Division Two for the 2017/18 campaign.

2018/19 was the club's nadir: one draw in 24 games, -2 points following a deduction and a goal difference of -147. 2019/20 produced 5 points from 14 games, but at least in the current aborted season, only commenced following receipt of a Sport England grant which saved the club from extinction, 8th place out of 11 with seven points from seven games was a welcome improvement.

 

A short journey that takes in Canal Side Dog Groomers, Happy Panda, Altrincham Bridge, built 1765, widened 1850, widened (again) 1907 then rebuilt in 1935, and GW Bonson Heated Store Rooms, now home to Tre Ciccio and Yamaha Music School, with registration plates DOO8Y and, remarkably, AVE 1T - fools and their money are soon parted.....

Beyond Farrat Isolevel and then the Sacred Arts Trust brings me to Urban Road and BTH and the 'caged' artificial pitch. Crucially a public footpath runs past the adjacent golf course and secondary school, meaning spectators are allowed - today's attendance, the ultimate in social distancing, is one (we know who you are), although there are cameo appearances from three dog walkers on St Vincent's Primary School playing field on the opposite side in the second half.... Across the way are the changing rooms and Station House looming large at the back.

Altrincham Hale are in green and white stripes, Breightmet in black and white - seemingly wearing a variety of previous seasons' kits with shirt sponsors Bid Group, Riverside Motors, 365 Engines and APC Couriers all on display. No rush to get started either - 1406 sees kick off whilst the missing corner flags are retrieved and put in place.

The porosity of Breightmet's offside trap is soon in evidence, and after a couple of near misses Kyle Old is played through and scores comfortably on 6 minutes. Seven minutes on he benefits again to make it 2-0.

Alty Hale fashion a succession of chances, with Breightmet's only response a free kick from their own half, which the home keeper desperately claws away. Finally, on 33, Charlie Davies shoots home, and four minutes later Old has his hat trick for 4-0 and the half finishes with Lewis Carthew's bullet header to leave the green and whites five up at the interval.

The second period brings no reprieve with home centre half Nathe sweetly tucking home and Old adding another due to some shocking goalkeeping - the ball hitting both posts and then apologetically trickling over the line, both within the first ten minutes.

Then, surprisingly 28 minutes without a goal. Hale hit the underside of the bar but are largely wasteful, whilst United register another shot, all the while with some of their players substituted, changing pitchside and then going to work...

The final seven minutes sees Alty Hale hit ten - Carthew, from more dreadful keeping, a ninth with a sumptuous volley across the keeper, and Carthew's hat trick from a penalty with the last kick of the game (the sole spectator claiming an assist having retrieved the ball and kicked it over the fence back to the penalty taker) - the referee sparing Breightmet from any stoppage time.

Then off to Moss Lane for the second half of Altrincham v Notts County, also an attendance of one, acting as an impromptu external ball boy....

Royton Control Alts' Defeat !

And so to Crossford Bridge and a Gilgryst Cup clash between Old Altrinchamians and Royton Town in another hastily arranged Manchester League team cup competition - this one solely for Premier Division sides. Three leagues of five, home and away, with the tabletoppers and best second place team earning the right to play in the semi finals, and then the final at Hyde in June.

Old Altrinchamians FC was established in 1920, meaning their centenary year proved to be a huge disappointment. The club was set up for alumni of Altrincham Grammar School for Boys, which includes Paul Allott (the Lancashire and England cricketer), Ian Brown and John Squire (from the Stone Roses) and, er, me, my brother and my godson.... (the infamous Fred Talbot was also a teacher there).

Next to the Bridgewater Canal and Manchester University Boat Club, with the complex also supporting Sale Harriers Athletics Club, Alts originally played in the Altrincham and District Amateur League.

The side, after two FA Vase entries in the mid 1970s, moved up to the Manchester League and were promoted as runners up to the Premier League in 2004. Resignation, and expungement, followed in 2005 before Alts rejoined the league in Division One in 2007.

The club was promoted in 2008/09, again as runners up, and then relegated in 2014 but immediately bounced back as champions. The 2019/20 campaign saw them bottom (15th) at curtailment, but three wins and three losses left the Old Boys just below half way last time - 9th of 15.

Royton Town FC was established as the Scott Benham works side in the Rochdale Alliance League, the company incorporated in 1870 and latterly taken over by Thorn EMI and Electrolux. Changing their name to Royton Town FC in 1985, the team remained unbeaten for two and a half seasons, progressing to the Lancashire Amateur League in 1994.

The club, based at Oldham Academy North on Broadway, moved to the Manchester Football League in 1999 and was swiftly promoted to the Premier League in 2002, where they have remained ever since. Champions in 2004, and runners up in 2016, Town sat 13th at null and voidance in 2020, and exactly midway in 8th after those 11 minutes of madness prior to New Year at Manchester Gregorians, with ten points from nine matches.

Through De Quincey Park, and then down Washway Road from suburbia to Bohemia (hair salon), via Laserina (clinic) and then Utopia (Bodhi Tree Buddhas - really !). Beyond Eyebrow Cottage and right at Delicia into Dane Road, then left onto Danefield Road and Crossford Bridge appears after One Brand Magic - numberplates 1 OBE and B3D XX featuring today.

Alts are in black and white stripes, Royton in yellow and green resembling lemon and lime - the first team tree lined pitch up top with opposing dugouts and railings. The complex hosts three other full size pitches, the middle one featuring an Open Trophy tie between both sides' reserve teams (a Royton team member tells me this finishes 6-1 to Alts - but actually it ended up 7-1 !!), two mini pitches and Sale United FC's clubhouse.

In glorious sunshine the match kicks off at 1302; crucially the pitch and Sale Harriers' enclosed arena are bisected by a public footpath leading to the Bridgewater Canal, meaning spectators are allowed. 37, give or take a dogwalker or two, show up with a healthy away following.

The away supporters are rewarded with a first half utterly dominated by Royton. Eventually, on the quarter hour, a misplaced away pass sits up nicely for centre back Jack Worrall to hit a 30 yard worldy, arcing into the top left hand corner, and Town lead 1-0.

Five minutes on and Worrall's free kick is fumbled by the Alts' stopper; Joe Gidley slots home the rebound to make it 2-0. Liam Wood misses two great chances, one extraordinarily from a two on none having sidestepped the keeper. From the Old Boys nothing worthy of note bar a wild shot threatening to interfere with the match on an adjoining pitch.

2-0 at the break but the second period sees Alts score three minutes in from a double howler from Royton. Their dozing left back is dispossessed by the home side's right winger who shoots and his effort goes through diminutive keeper Harry Fleet's hands to halve the deficit. Alts are briefly in the ascendancy but it still takes an exceptional save at the opposite end to keep it at 2-1 to Royton.

Eventually the visitors regain control and with eight minutes to go Ethan Sutcliffe has a goal disallowed for offside. No matter, as a minute later the same player is tripped, winning and then scoring the penalty kick for 3-1...and that is pretty much that !!

Deer Deer: Hinds Hit For Six By Govaners

And so to the Murray Trophy, a hastily concocted Manchester League cup competition - 4 leagues of 5, home and away, with the 4 group winners going into the semi finals. So it's off to Platt Fields in Fallowfield for this afternoon's clash between Govan Athletic (clearly not from Glasgow - more of which anon...) of Division 1 and Hindsford Reserves of Division 2.

Govan Athletic was established in 2001 by Jack Norbury, who still manages the team. Apparently Jack was so inspired by Sir Alex Ferguson's autobiography that he set up a football club named after Fergie's birthplace, as you do....

Athletic competed in the Stockport Football League in 2001/02, finishing as runners up, and moving up to the Lancashire & Cheshire Amateur League as a consequence. Division 2 was won in 2007/08, with Govan champions of Division 1 the following season. 

Athletic joined the Manchester League in 2016, were relegated to Division 2 in their first season, but were promoted back to Division One the following year. 6th from 13 and 6th from 12 in the past two truncated seasons points to mid-table consistency.

Hindsford AFC, between Atherton and Tyldesley, was set up in 1926, joining the Westhoughton League. However there is evidence of another club, Hindsford Church House, dating back to 1911.

The Hinds, aka the Tonics, joined the Lancashire Combination in 1950, stopping for three seasons. Thereafter they took up a position in the First Division of the Manchester League for the 1998/99 campaign, earning promotion in 2005 to the Premier.

Hindsford have been crowned champions of the Premier League on four occasions - three consecutive years between 2012 and 2014, and then again in 2019.

A familiar, heavily potholed route, takes me past Arthur's Seat, Serendipitea (& Coffee !) and Hands of Buddha Beauty Therapy. Then Red Sky Yoga before I hit the council towers in Stretford, the former iconic Drum pub and the Essoldo, turning right towards Chorlton. 

Beyond Longford Park, Iglesia Ni Cristo, Lady Bountiful, Dooze Corner, King Bee Records and Gita Bhavan Hindu Temple brings me to TM Fortis, apparently 'Manchester's Leading Immigration Specialists'.... Right on to Yew Tree Lane and Platt Lane Sports Complex affords plenty of parking - today's registration plates are 12 ME and 411OY (wheels I think rather than scrap metal...)

The complex, part of MMU (Manchester Metropolitan University) 1824 hosts two main astroturf pitches, the far one with rugby posts and a sports hall - closed, meaning home players are requested to arrive at 1.10pm, wearing black shorts and socks, and with their own mask, sanitiser and drink. There is also a mini astroturf pitch next to the main building, a gym and another 3G surface adjoining Platt Lane.

In glorious sunshine a crowd of 7 congregates for the 2pm kick off, swelling to 8 at the death, including at least one away fan (!) - Holy Trinity church providing an impressive backdrop. Athletic in red and black, Hindsford in yellow and black, no linesmen and a very young referee informing us that it's RORO (Roll On Roll Off) substitutions.

Within 3 minutes a shocking defensive clearance allows Govan's right winger Nathan Hind to rifle the ball into the roof of the net, and five minutes on Hal Wood heads a free kick narrowly wide. The advantage is doubled on 18 minutes - Hind accelerating down the wing, given far too much space and steering into the far corner.

There follows a Hindsford goal line clearance and, with the away stopper flapping like a shirt on the washing line, a penalty box scramble. In response the Tonics create one real chance with their centre forward scuffing a shot onto the post.

2-0 at the break, which lasts just under 7 minutes. The away side's team talk is direct and earthy, whilst Govan's is all about 'game management' and a magnetic tactics board.....

Clearly too much for the home players as the Hinds start the second period much the better. However eight minutes in their adventure proves costly as from their corner they leave one man as defensive cover, and when the move breaks down sub Jordan Clarke is through on the Hinds' keeper. An inexplicable hand ball outside the box results in a red card and his expulsion as the visitors go down to ten.

With no replacement goalkeeper the Tonics put outfield player Jacko between the sticks, and he proceeds to pull off a string of outstanding saves. Not to be outdone home stopper Adam Clifford makes a tremendous double save to deny Hindsford's number nine.

Eventually numbers tell and on 69 minutes, after switching wings, Hind rams home a recycled ball to make it 3-0. Three minutes later it's Hind 4 Hinds 0 as Nathan makes it a foursome with a measured placed finish into the opposite corner. He is immediately substituted - presumably to let someone else have a chance !!

With a quarter of an hour to go Kristian Green heads in, unchallenged, Siyam Muhammad's free kick to make it five. Soman Muhammad's almost apologetic finish with four minutes left concludes matters at 6-0 and it's all over by twenty to four ☺

Behind Closed Doors Part 2: Cock Robins, Linnets Off Song....

And so to an Avian derby which looked unlikely to fly - the Robins of Altrincham against the Linnets of King's Lynn in the National League, a game already postponed once because of Covid protocols.

Alty's history was covered in my previous match report, and since the Woking home victory the Robins have, frustratingly, drawn at home with the ten-man Monkey Hangers of Hartlepool United (team bus registration 14 HU - for those that are interested), been shot down 2-1 at Aldershot, and played the reverse fixture at Woking, earning a point with an injury-time penalty. A home clash against Dagenham & Redbridge last Saturday proved underwhelming, the only piece of quality being Will Wright's exquisite free-kick with ten to go as the Daggers nicked all three points 1-0.

King's Lynn Football Club was officially founded on 30 August 1881 as Lynn Town, although there is mention of an earlier team existing in 1868, and the club badge refers to 1879. After winning the Norfolk Senior Cup in 1883, and with three more successes in the next seven years, Lynn was a founder member of the Norfolk & Suffolk League in 1897, crowned as champions four times before World War One, and then winning four consecutive titles between 1922 and 1925.

After a brief spell in the East Anglian League, Lynn became a founder member of the Eastern Counties League in 1935.  Thereafter they spent two seasons in the United Counties League after WWII, before reverting to the ECL where a 1953/54 League and Cup double, coinciding with the adoption of the name King's Lynn FC, saw them step up to the Midland League. Four years later the club joined the Southern League, and achieved promotion to the Premier Division for the 1959/60 season.

FA Cup exploits in 1961/62 saw King's Lynn reach the third round, beating Chelmsford City and Coventry City both by two goals to one, before losing 4-0 to Everton.

In 1980 the club transferred to the Northern Premier League but in 1983 they returned to the Southern League. After a yo-yo existence Lynn were promoted to the Conference North as champions in 2008, but demoted a year later due to their ground failing to meet Conference North standards - King's Lynn have played at the Walks for their entire existence, with the stadium name deriving from the area of parkland located next to the stadium.

Whilst the remedial work was completed by the start of the following season, Lynn's first season back in the Northern Premier League saw the club wound up at the High Court on 25 November 2009 with debts of £77,000, going out of business in December after a failed appeal. A reformed club was established in January 2010 as Lynn FC and later renamed King's Lynn Town FC.

The Linnets were admitted to the Premier Division of the United Counties League and finished runners-up in their debut campaign, also reaching the semi-finals of the FA Vase, losing 6–2 on aggregate to Coalville Town. After finishing as runners-up again in 2011/12 the club was promoted to Division One South of the Northern Premier League. They won Division One South at their first attempt, earning promotion to the Premier Division.

In 2015 the Linnets were transferred to the Premier Division of the Southern League. After a play off defeat in 2018 Lynn finished as Premier Division Central runners up in the 2018/19 season, going on to beat Stratford Town and Alvechurch, and then being promoted to the National League North following a 3–2 win at Warrington Town in the super play-off final.

The 2019/20 season was abandoned due to the coronavirus pandemic with the club second in the league, two points behind leaders York City with two games in hand. The National League later decided the final league table would be based on points-per-game, resulting in King's Lynn being declared champions, and promotion to the National League.

In 2020/21 the new club reached the first round of the FA Cup for the first time after Notts County were forced to forfeit the fourth qualifying round tie due to a Covid outbreak in their squad. In the first round, King's Lynn defeated League Two club Port Vale 1–0 at Vale Park - then losing 6–1 in the second round at Portsmouth.

In the league a bright start has lately been overshadowed by ongoing rows concerning loans/ grants regarding fulfilling the season's fixtures, resulting in a threat to 'draw down the shutters' at the end of February, a week's emergency funding, furloughing six first team players, and 'Gun to the Head to Carry On'. Little wonder that the previous 12 games have accumulated 6 points and left the Linnets deep in the mire - if relegation comes to pass this season, which seems increasingly unlikely....

So a different, circuitous route, circumventing Altrincham town centre and its £12,000 vanity project, complete with spelling mistake, and the equally unusual Eudaemonium. A repeat performance from B16LET (Wren Properties) plus L4WNS and a second sighting of M3CRY (A dyslexic cry for help ???) feature as today's numberplates. Instead straight onto Park Road, and past the Wok Inn, Barberian and Marvel Guitars before I turn right at Moss Park Community Gardens.

Then Beauty at Peaches & Cream, Hair Icon, Pickering Lodge Park and beyond Rose & Lily Spa Bar, turning onto Thorley Lane and Cheshire Dog Spa. The Timperley Wedge and, in the distance, Field Walk, scene of an attempted murder late last year. Fittingly the next landmark, after turning right, on Grove Lane is Kenneth Dewey Funeral Directors.....

Before that the mosque that is the AMA (Altrincham Muslim Association) Centre, itself the site of a stabbing in 2017 - but attempted murder was downgraded to wounding with intent at the the subsequent trial. Then we're here at Moss Lane, Honeybear Nursery and those allotments, apparently missing a coat....

Piped on to the pitch by the iconic Emerson, Lake & Palmer's 'Fanfare For The Common Man', Alty are in red and white with black shorts, Lynn in blue with a yellow and black diagonal stripe (sash?). The home custodian, Tony Thompson, is in all pink, the away stopper, Theo Richardson, in all yellow. Lynn are able to announce a full bench for the first time in several games, including assistant manager and non league legend, 50 year old Paul Bastock, as goalkeeper cover.

A minute's silence for the coronavirus anniversary, and my view at the J Davidson is now obstructed by an overflowing skip, resulting in five eighths vision and more timepiece shuffling between both gates. The Robins create the first chance, James Hardy showing impressive footwork to shimmy round two defenders before lifting his shot over the bar.

Shortly after a sliced Alty shot lands in a garden on The Chequers, and the steward tries once, twice, three times (a gatey??) to open the gates and retrieve the ball - unsuccessfully. Whilst this jammed gates farce is playing out, the ball sits up nicely for Lynn's Simeon Jackson on 14 minutes and his volley smacks the bar before going over - Thompson motionless.

Within a minute the Robins lead as Ryan Colclough's corner is nodded in by an unchallenged Josh Hancock at the near post. Colclough brings a save out of Richardson soon after.

Jordan Richards forces a splendid fingertip save from Thompson ten minutes before the break, and Sonny Carey drives just wide with a minute left. So it's 1-0 at the interval in an entertaining half that also saw three goals correctly disallowed - two for Lynn, one for Alty. Half time also prompts a conversation with the steward, he of jammed gates, who informs me of a better vantage point involving a missing breeze block on the opposite side - to be investigated....

Five minutes into the second period it's deja vu as Jackson belts another screamer that hits the bar and bounces out, Thompson again motionless. Seven minutes afterwards Hancock's excellent, but slightly deflected, free kick doubles Altrincham's advantage.

Two minutes later and it's game over with the goal of the game; Hardy again showing nifty close control, slaloming down the wing and eventually scoring through Richardson's legs. Richardson prevents a fourth Alty goal, superbly fingertipping aside a Joe Piggott effort.

Thereafter the Robins are content to let Lynn push forward, but the Linnets' only meaningful chance is a disappointing Jordan Davies header, as the match finishes 3-0 to Altrincham.