Behind Closed Doors Part 2: Cock Robins, Linnets Off Song....

And so to an Avian derby which looked unlikely to fly - the Robins of Altrincham against the Linnets of King's Lynn in the National League, a game already postponed once because of Covid protocols.

Alty's history was covered in my previous match report, and since the Woking home victory the Robins have, frustratingly, drawn at home with the ten-man Monkey Hangers of Hartlepool United (team bus registration 14 HU - for those that are interested), been shot down 2-1 at Aldershot, and played the reverse fixture at Woking, earning a point with an injury-time penalty. A home clash against Dagenham & Redbridge last Saturday proved underwhelming, the only piece of quality being Will Wright's exquisite free-kick with ten to go as the Daggers nicked all three points 1-0.

King's Lynn Football Club was officially founded on 30 August 1881 as Lynn Town, although there is mention of an earlier team existing in 1868, and the club badge refers to 1879. After winning the Norfolk Senior Cup in 1883, and with three more successes in the next seven years, Lynn was a founder member of the Norfolk & Suffolk League in 1897, crowned as champions four times before World War One, and then winning four consecutive titles between 1922 and 1925.

After a brief spell in the East Anglian League, Lynn became a founder member of the Eastern Counties League in 1935.  Thereafter they spent two seasons in the United Counties League after WWII, before reverting to the ECL where a 1953/54 League and Cup double, coinciding with the adoption of the name King's Lynn FC, saw them step up to the Midland League. Four years later the club joined the Southern League, and achieved promotion to the Premier Division for the 1959/60 season.

FA Cup exploits in 1961/62 saw King's Lynn reach the third round, beating Chelmsford City and Coventry City both by two goals to one, before losing 4-0 to Everton.

In 1980 the club transferred to the Northern Premier League but in 1983 they returned to the Southern League. After a yo-yo existence Lynn were promoted to the Conference North as champions in 2008, but demoted a year later due to their ground failing to meet Conference North standards - King's Lynn have played at the Walks for their entire existence, with the stadium name deriving from the area of parkland located next to the stadium.

Whilst the remedial work was completed by the start of the following season, Lynn's first season back in the Northern Premier League saw the club wound up at the High Court on 25 November 2009 with debts of £77,000, going out of business in December after a failed appeal. A reformed club was established in January 2010 as Lynn FC and later renamed King's Lynn Town FC.

The Linnets were admitted to the Premier Division of the United Counties League and finished runners-up in their debut campaign, also reaching the semi-finals of the FA Vase, losing 6–2 on aggregate to Coalville Town. After finishing as runners-up again in 2011/12 the club was promoted to Division One South of the Northern Premier League. They won Division One South at their first attempt, earning promotion to the Premier Division.

In 2015 the Linnets were transferred to the Premier Division of the Southern League. After a play off defeat in 2018 Lynn finished as Premier Division Central runners up in the 2018/19 season, going on to beat Stratford Town and Alvechurch, and then being promoted to the National League North following a 3–2 win at Warrington Town in the super play-off final.

The 2019/20 season was abandoned due to the coronavirus pandemic with the club second in the league, two points behind leaders York City with two games in hand. The National League later decided the final league table would be based on points-per-game, resulting in King's Lynn being declared champions, and promotion to the National League.

In 2020/21 the new club reached the first round of the FA Cup for the first time after Notts County were forced to forfeit the fourth qualifying round tie due to a Covid outbreak in their squad. In the first round, King's Lynn defeated League Two club Port Vale 1–0 at Vale Park - then losing 6–1 in the second round at Portsmouth.

In the league a bright start has lately been overshadowed by ongoing rows concerning loans/ grants regarding fulfilling the season's fixtures, resulting in a threat to 'draw down the shutters' at the end of February, a week's emergency funding, furloughing six first team players, and 'Gun to the Head to Carry On'. Little wonder that the previous 12 games have accumulated 6 points and left the Linnets deep in the mire - if relegation comes to pass this season, which seems increasingly unlikely....

So a different, circuitous route, circumventing Altrincham town centre and its £12,000 vanity project, complete with spelling mistake, and the equally unusual Eudaemonium. A repeat performance from B16LET (Wren Properties) plus L4WNS and a second sighting of M3CRY (A dyslexic cry for help ???) feature as today's numberplates. Instead straight onto Park Road, and past the Wok Inn, Barberian and Marvel Guitars before I turn right at Moss Park Community Gardens.

Then Beauty at Peaches & Cream, Hair Icon, Pickering Lodge Park and beyond Rose & Lily Spa Bar, turning onto Thorley Lane and Cheshire Dog Spa. The Timperley Wedge and, in the distance, Field Walk, scene of an attempted murder late last year. Fittingly the next landmark, after turning right, on Grove Lane is Kenneth Dewey Funeral Directors.....

Before that the mosque that is the AMA (Altrincham Muslim Association) Centre, itself the site of a stabbing in 2017 - but attempted murder was downgraded to wounding with intent at the the subsequent trial. Then we're here at Moss Lane, Honeybear Nursery and those allotments, apparently missing a coat....

Piped on to the pitch by the iconic Emerson, Lake & Palmer's 'Fanfare For The Common Man', Alty are in red and white with black shorts, Lynn in blue with a yellow and black diagonal stripe (sash?). The home custodian, Tony Thompson, is in all pink, the away stopper, Theo Richardson, in all yellow. Lynn are able to announce a full bench for the first time in several games, including assistant manager and non league legend, 50 year old Paul Bastock, as goalkeeper cover.

A minute's silence for the coronavirus anniversary, and my view at the J Davidson is now obstructed by an overflowing skip, resulting in five eighths vision and more timepiece shuffling between both gates. The Robins create the first chance, James Hardy showing impressive footwork to shimmy round two defenders before lifting his shot over the bar.

Shortly after a sliced Alty shot lands in a garden on The Chequers, and the steward tries once, twice, three times (a gatey??) to open the gates and retrieve the ball - unsuccessfully. Whilst this jammed gates farce is playing out, the ball sits up nicely for Lynn's Simeon Jackson on 14 minutes and his volley smacks the bar before going over - Thompson motionless.

Within a minute the Robins lead as Ryan Colclough's corner is nodded in by an unchallenged Josh Hancock at the near post. Colclough brings a save out of Richardson soon after.

Jordan Richards forces a splendid fingertip save from Thompson ten minutes before the break, and Sonny Carey drives just wide with a minute left. So it's 1-0 at the interval in an entertaining half that also saw three goals correctly disallowed - two for Lynn, one for Alty. Half time also prompts a conversation with the steward, he of jammed gates, who informs me of a better vantage point involving a missing breeze block on the opposite side - to be investigated....

Five minutes into the second period it's deja vu as Jackson belts another screamer that hits the bar and bounces out, Thompson again motionless. Seven minutes afterwards Hancock's excellent, but slightly deflected, free kick doubles Altrincham's advantage.

Two minutes later and it's game over with the goal of the game; Hardy again showing nifty close control, slaloming down the wing and eventually scoring through Richardson's legs. Richardson prevents a fourth Alty goal, superbly fingertipping aside a Joe Piggott effort.

Thereafter the Robins are content to let Lynn push forward, but the Linnets' only meaningful chance is a disappointing Jordan Davies header, as the match finishes 3-0 to Altrincham.

'Behind Closed Doors' - From The Other Side: Cardinals' Sin - Man up, Goal Down....

And so, seemingly deprived later this month of an Avian derby as the Linnets of King's Lynn 'draw down the shutters' (a decision temporarily reversed), it's off to a National League game at the J Davidson Stadium between the Robins of Altrincham and Woking FC.

Altrincham FC was established by a Sunday School around 1891 as Rigby Memorial Club. They soon merged with another local team, Grapplers, forming Broadheath Football Club, and becoming a founder member of the Manchester League, where they finished bottom of the table in their inaugural campaign.

After playing at various grounds in Broadheath, Timperley and Altrincham, the club moved to Pollitt's Field in 1903, at which point they changed their name to Altrincham FC. Success winning the Cheshire Amateur Cup in their first season under their new name was followed with both the Manchester League and the Cheshire Senior Cup the following term. They won the Manchester League again in 1907, and moved to the current Moss Lane ground in 1910.

In 1911 the club joined Division Two of the Lancashire Combination, finishing as runners-up in their first season and earning promotion to Division One, where they remained until World War I. When football resumed in 1919, the club was a founder member of the Cheshire County League, staying there until the outbreak of World War II.

After missing out on the 1945/46 season, the Robins rejoined the Cheshire County League in 1946, but achieved little success until the 1960s, when Altrincham director Noel White hired Freddie Pye as manager. A key turning point was the signing of Jackie Swindells in 1965, who in his first full season scored 82 goals, helping Altrincham to the first of back-to-back Cheshire County League titles. After finishing as runners-up in 1968, Altrincham became a founder member of the Northern Premier League in 1968.

The Robins got to the semi-finals of the FA Trophy in 1977 but the following season went one better, reaching the final at Wembley, where they beat Leatherhead 3-1. After a series of failed applications for election to the Football League, Altrincham FC became a founder member of the Alliance Premier League (which became the Conference and is now the National League) - and the league's debut season saw them crowned as champions.

In the subsequent elections to the Football League, the club missed out by a single vote, receiving 25 to Rochdale's 26; particularly galling as the club had been promised the votes of Grimsby Town and Luton Town, but the Grimsby representative was prevented from voting by 'being in the wrong part of the meeting room', whilst the Luton representative arrived too late after a mix-up over the start time. Never again would they come so close....

Altrincham retained the APL title the following year, but again failed in the Football League elections. Another FA Trophy final appearance featured in 1982, this time losing 1–0 to Enfield. All the while the Robins were gaining a history of giant-killing in the FA Cup, reaching the third round of the FA Cup in four consecutive seasons between 1978–79 and 1981–82, holding a better record in the competition than any club playing in the Third or Fourth divisions during this period. To date the club has recorded seventeen victories against Football League clubs - the highlight a 2-1 victory against top flight Birmingham City at St Andrews in 1986. 

A second Trophy success - 1-0 against Runcorn - was also delivered in 1985. The halcyon days of my youth, with Jeff Johnson, John Rogers, Mal Bailey, Johnny King, Stan Allan, John Owens and Peter Eales, under the tutelage of Tony Sanders still bring back fond memories....

Mid table mediocrity prevailed thereafter until bottom place in 1997 saw relegation to the Northern Premier League in 1997; two seasons later promotion as champions heralded a single season return to the Conference..

A twelfth-place finish in 2003/04 allowed the Robins to qualify for the newly formed Conference North, and, finishing fifth, won promotion via the North/South final against Eastbourne Borough at the Britannia Stadium. Three consecutive reprieves from 2006 followed - bottom after an 18 point deduction for playing an ineligible player but saved by Canvey Island's resignation and Scarborough's expulsion, then spared by Boston United's demotion and, finally in 2008 the liquidation of Halifax preserved Alty's top flight status.

Ricky Ponting became a shareholder in the club in 2009 as the Robins were relegated to the Conference North at the end of the 2010/11 season. This was reversed in 2014 with a 2-1 play off final victory, in extra time, against Guiseley in front of a crowd of 4,632.

Sadly, in 2015/16 Alty were relegated to the renamed National League North, and in the subsequent season finished bottom, leading to a second successive relegation to the Premier Division of the Northern Premier League. But the 2017/18 term saw the club win the Northern Premier League title, and after one failed play off sortie, earned promotion via the play offs back to the National League last summer.

 After a bright start, five straight league defeats has prompted three loan signings - Montel Gibson, Yoann Zouma and Reagan Ogle, who all start tonight, with the Robins now placed eleventh.

The visitors, Woking FC, from Kingfield aka the Laithwaite Community Stadium, were formed in 1887 (not 1889 as was recently discovered - a new badge will reflect the correct date of inception), and joined the West Surrey League in 1895.

In 1911 the Cardinals (almost always shortened to The Cards) entered the Isthmian League and stayed in the top division for 72 years. 1958 saw the club win the last ever televised FA Amateur Cup against Ilford 3-0 in front of 71,000.

But by 1983 the Cards were falling, and relegations that year and in 1985 saw the club drop to the Isthmian Division Two South. Cue the Geoff Chapple managerial era as fortunes improved...

Promotions in the 1986/87 and 1989/90 seasons took Woking back to the Isthmian's top tier. In 1991 Woking reached the 4th round of the FA Cup, famously beating West Bromwich Albion 4-2 at The Hawthorns, courtesy of a Tim Buzaglo hat trick, before narrowly exiting 1-0 at Goodison Park to Everton.

The following season Woking played their Cards right, earning promotion to the Conference as Isthmian League champions. Thereafter the team won the FA Trophy three times in four years - 1994 (Runcorn 2-1), 1995 (Kidderminster Harriers 2-1) and 1997 (Dagenham & Redbridge 1-0), with Chapple leaving for Kingstonian after the third triumph.

2006 saw another FA Trophy final appearance, but defeat this time against Grays Athletic, and in 2009 Woking were relegated to the Blue Square South. In January 2011 Garry Hill was appointed as manager and steered the Cards to top of the pack, champions, promoted to the Conference the following year.

In May 2017 Hill left the club amidst much acrimony and the Cards dealt down; relegated on the final day of the season amongst managerial turmoil. A return to the National League followed in 2019, beating Welling 1-0 in the Southern play off final.

The club is now entering a brave new era, under fresh American investors John Katz and Drew Volpe, switching to full time status and aiming for promotion to the EFL. That has not been translated on to the pitch, with a poor run leaving the Cards face down in 18th, seven points behind the Robins but with five games in hand, albeit having reached the Trophy semi finals last weekend, beating league leaders Torquay United 1-0.

So a short journey, stepladders in the car just in case (!!), and then past Woodcote Wildlife Area and on to Manchester Road, where I'm greeted by the fire damaged, shuttered Railway pub and The Arches & Quay House business park - home of, amongst others, Twister Interiors, Healthy Mutts Dog Treats and Broadheath Central FC.

 

An eventful journey nonetheless with a DogsnDivas van, then a versatile builder offering 'Bricks & Mortar, Pipes & Water', then Fat Bob The Locksmith (yes, seriously !!), and featuring numberplates B16 LET (property rentals) and M155 YAK (conjuring up any number of images)....

 

Left by The Old Packet House and beyond the old canalside mill and boot polish works (Radium House) that hosts the Stubborn Mule Brewery, it's down to the roundabout at the end of Navigation Road. Crossing over the road at the Jehovah's Witnesses and its Kingdom Hall, familiar territory awaits in Woodlands Parkway. Then Oakfield Street, with Oakfield Chambers offering Psychological Services and via a muddy cut through by Timperley Brook which brings me to Moss Lane.

 

A bright day has turned to a very chilly night and behind closed doors my vantage point is the Chequers End, the former nightclub now redeveloped as townhouses. On the right the uncovered Carole and Fred Nash Terrace, and opposite a raised covered terraced stand featuring the Flaggers' flagstones, overshadowed by the gasometer. At the far end is the Golf Road terrace, evoking memories of 'Zigger Zagger, Zigger Zagger, Altrincham !!', and on my left is the new Community Sports Hall, the Footy Accumulators main grandstand and the sponsors' lounge.

 

Three points of vision - either side of the gateposts and hinge openings, and a wooden knothole in the gates themselves ('one I prepared earlier' (not!!)), providing seven eighths pitch coverage. Amidst a plethora of joggers and dogwalkers a handful stop to watch the action, but for a couple of minutes only, with one seemingly wearing a coat robbed from a nearby allotment. This aside from the final interloper who takes in the final four minutes (and four minutes stoppage time) - and who is astonished that I have lasted the duration from warm up to the death ('You need to get out a bit more' 'Don't we all ?'). As the minutes pass by I am conscious of resembling a timepiece figurine, shuffling between the three vantage points, dancing and disappearing as the clock strikes the (quarter) hour....or minute in my case ☺

Altrincham are in red and white with black shorts, Woking in yellow and black with a tannoy announcement that face masks are mandatory in the main stand but curiously nowhere else.... The match is preceded by a presentation for Robins' captain Jake Moult on the occasion of his 400th Alty appearance, but the Cards start sharper with Jamar Loza pirouetting on 12 minutes and just shooting wide.

 

Moult then has a goal disallowed on 21 for offside/ handball, before Ryan Colclough's well struck effort seven minutes after is expertly parried by Woking's keeper and captain Craig Ross. Then ten minutes before the break a sloppy back pass results in the Robins' Tom Hannigan bringing down Jayden Wareham, and, as last man, an inevitable red card means Altrincham go down to ten.

 

Surprisingly Alty are the more enterprising side in the second period despite their man disadvantage; Colclough has an effort deflected and it loops under the bar with Ross palming it over on 55. A shocking miss from Woking sub Jonte Smith, through on goal, ten minutes after proves pivotal....

 

On 69 minutes Robins' sub Tom Peers marauds down the right wing on a swift counterattack and squares for Matty Kosylo to finish sumptuously in the bottom left hand corner and Alty lead 1-0. A shame it's witnessed by a (non paying) audience of one...

 

Thereafter a magnificent rearguard action, with Moult immense, prevents Woking from creating anything other than hopeful long shots, despite the introduction of ex Premier League star Matt Jarvis. Indeed the Robins should have put the game to bed but Peers, fed by Joel Senior, finishes disappointingly.

 

Finally the Cards' 1-4-5 formation fashions a chance deep into stoppage time, but Tony Thompson produces a remarkable double reflex save to preserve Alty's three points.

 

So 1-0 to the home side at the finish, as the Cards' aces are trumped by the reliant Robins ☺ 'Zigger Zagger, Zigger Zagger, Moultrincham' anyone... ??

El Calendario ? Tiers Are Not Enough... Instead A Gregorian Chant Of 'Eleven Minutes of Madness'

And so the initial plan was to report on the Calendar Derby, aka El Calendario, between Manchester Gregorians and Stockport Georgians. Sadly Tier 4 means that will be a way off yet, so Christmas Bank Holiday Monday's clash between Gregs and Royton Town hopefully suffices...

The present Manchester Gregorians FC was formed by ex pupils of St Gregory's Roman Catholic High School in Ardwick Green in 1959. That said, it was preceded by an Old Gregorians side in the 1940s and 1950s. The club took on the Old Gregorians name, later becoming just Gregorians and adding the Manchester prefix in 2009.

Gregs started out in the Manchester Junior Catholic League, before switching after three seasons to the Lancashire Amateur League. After winning many honours the club moved to the Manchester League for the 2005/06 season, and won the Premier Division in 2009 and 2011.

Largely mid table finishes have featured thereafter, although Gregs were next to bottom at the point of last season's abandonment... This time the side sit sixth with three wins, two draws and three defeats.

Royton Town FC was established as the Stott Benham works side in the Rochdale Alliance League, the company incorporated in 1870 and latterly taken over by Thorn EMI and Electrolux. Changing their name to Royton Town FC in 1985, the team remained unbeaten for two and a half seasons, progressing to the Lancashire Amateur League in 1994.

The club, based at Oldham Academy North on Broadway, moved to the Manchester Football League in 1999 and was swiftly promoted to the Premier League in 2002, where they have remained since. Champions in 2004, and runners up in 2016, Town sit 11th after a heartbreaking 4-3 defeat at Stockport Georgians last time, finishing one place above Gregs at null and voidance last season.

And so, amidst an appropriately seasonal snowy backdrop, it's past Arthur's Tree in De Quincey Park, Siddall's Bridge, numberplates SHA40W and AWO4KEN and onto Washway Road and Utopia in Sale - sorry but Sale Town Centre doesn't conjure up images of utopia for me, but each to their own.... Then Crossford Bridge, the M60, today's stand out plate KO52 JAB, a minibus owned by West Wythenshawe Boxing Club, 'Extinction Rebellion Revolution' graffiti, that iconic pyramid still to let, Red Rock, Ark Mill (aka Welkin Mill), before I depart at Denton Rock.

Then the A57, into Gorton, past Wembley Restaurant, curiously advertising African & European Foods, and Mickey Gambinos before turning into Kirkmanshulme Lane. Beyond the now abandoned greyhound stadium to the National Speedway Museum and the shiny new Belle Vue Arena, home of the National Basketball Performance Centre and the Belle Vue Aces, 6,000 capacity, with its as yet unchristened 1,800 seater grandstand.

Walking across the speedway track enclosing an astrotrurf pitch with a myriad of different pitch markings, Gregs are on another all-weather pitch at the top of the complex - 6,000 far too much for a crowd of about 60, one side open for spectators only, with a healthy and knowledgeable away support, comprising at least 50% of the attendance, 'our oldest player is 26'. Gregs in two-tone dark red, Royton in yellow and green, more like lemon and lime, the officials in training ground gear, a nod to the icy weather, which really shouldn't have bothered... 

A combative first half, which a youthful Royton shade, then fade, then shade again - but goalless, and not one to linger in the memory, as we reach a five-minute interval. All is about to change...
Three minutes into the second period the outstanding Ethan Sutcliffe delivers an exquisite cross and Travis Martin's diving header puts Town one up - he is injured in the process and substituted shortly after.

Next an altercation on the near touchline, with Royton's Will Morgan's attempted knee to his opponent's head judged to be violent conduct, notwithstanding the overdramatic reaction... Red card, suspension, and a £40 fine apparently (it's £12 for a yellow...).
Gregs subsequently win a free kick 25 yards out, and Abdi Addow aims and scores, over the wall, gloriously, into the top corner. Moments later Josh Ripley heads in from a cross to put Gregs 2-1 up, and the game is transformed.

Then the levelling up; a hack on the far side results in Gregs' Simon Wilkinson being dismissed and we're 10 aside. More levelling up as Liam Wood gets on the end of the ensuing free-kick to make it 2-2.
With their next move Wood swivels and volleys home into the bottom corner: 3-2 to Royton and an 11 minute outrageous period of football has produced 5 goals and two red cards !!
Unsurprisingly the rest of the half can't live up to those 11 minutes. Wood goes close to claiming a hat trick, but the best chance falls to Gregs' Will Reynolds. A rebound, time, space and the bulk of the goal to aim at - and he shoots unerringly through the sticks of the rugby posts behind the goal. A poor conversion and Gregs, ultimately, pay the penalty with defeat...

A Perfect Ten - Joe's Gr-Eight In The Georgians' Style, As Heyside Fall By The Wayside (Badly) !

And so, after Lockdown2 ('without football there is only weather'), to Cale Green, or more accurately Woodsmoor, on Cromley Road on the outskirts of Stockport for a debut Manchester League Premier Division clash between Stockport Georgians and Heyside.

Stockport Georgians FC was formed in 1908 as St George's Church Sunday League side on Buxton Road in Heaviley. After World War One the club became St George's (Stockport) Athletic Club in 1923, with members having to be an attendee of both the church and the Men's Bible Class - so nothing to do with George V's accession to the throne in 1910.....

Georgians played in the Stockport League through the 1920s, winning the title in 1926 and 1927, moving to Cromley Road in 1925, acquiring 'a plot of land containing eight acres and twenty seven perches situated at Woodsmoor, Stockport' and then being elected to the Lancashire and Cheshire League in 1931. Finally winning Division 2 in 1964 the top tier awaited but a deterioration of the pitch and an arson attack forced the club to play at Woodbank Park and Davenport School in the early 1970s.

The club absorbed Adswood Amateurs in 1987, taking their place in the Manchester Premier League, and were crowned as champions in 1988, 2002 and 2015.

An application and approval to the North West Counties Football League (NWCFL) last term is still extant, but 6th place last time when stumps were drawn has been transformed to league leaders this season with 6 wins and one loss.

Heyside FC, 'Youth is the Future', was founded in 1975 by the late Brian Bakes who identified a need for a boys' team in the local area - thus Heyside Juniors was born.

Playing at Crompton House School in Shaw, Heyside moved up from the Huddersfield and District League to the First Division of the Manchester League in 2016.

Immediately promoted as runners up the Blues have placed 6th, 4th and 9th last term in the null and voidance - but won the Challenge Cup for the 2019/20 season. One win and five defeats leaves them next to bottom this time around however....

So, after a wet evening, a tinge of brightness awaits me as I drive past the waterlogged artificial pitches at Trafford College, and on to a heavily potholed Washway Road, the sidestreets awash with Amazon delivery vans. Bypassing Lady Muck Aesthetics, Utopia offering Bodhi Tree Buddhas, and Zahra's Bakery I make my way to the M60 and 'New Road Layout For Social Distancing' (not really understanding that....)

Numberplates LE55 GAS (a roofing specialist ?) and DB11DOG, aka Dog Food Dave, appear en route, along with Extinction Rebellion graffiti, and the Pyramid - now 'Iconic HQ - To Let'. Then it's the A6 and Killer Gramms, the Hat Museum, Vape Arise, a suitably substantial (and appropriate) The Scotch Egg, Hally Moo's Milk Shake Bar, Little Lanka and the illustrious Brookfield House, dating from 1898.

Right by Stockport Grammar School and past Woodsmoor Station brings me to Flowery Field and then Cromley Road - and 'Welcome to Flowery Field & Stockport Georgians Athletic Club'. Experience (Eccleshall and Abbey Hulton ?) teaches me to park on the street rather than the club car park...

Inside a temperature check (34.3 can't be right !!) and track and trace details, as a crowd approaching 50 gathers for a game that only takes place due to an army of volunteers after last night's heavy rain.

At the top end is the three step covered John Mannion Stand, behind which lies the cricket ground and pavilion - 5 Ultras rainbow flags and, err, 3 ultras congregate on the steps. Elsewhere we are surrounded by housing - to the left are naked trees and very wet grass, nearside a concrete walkway and at the bottom changing rooms and an apparently open snack bar and gazebo, plus a cleared area which I assume will eventually house the 50 seater stand required for NWCFL

membership.

Georgians are in red and black, sponsored by Tecco (apart from their left back who seems to be wearing last season's strip covered with Allens regalia). Heyside are in two tone blue, with their sponsors Simply Dog Behaviour. This time there are a pair of ubiquitous tubby linesmen, of vastly different ages....

Within the first 4 minutes Heyside spurn their best chance; set free Matty chooses to go with power rather than placement and blasts wide when one on one with the Georgians' keeper. Thereafter it's all downhill on a pudding of a pitch, that becomes a mud bath - apart from one corner....

Heyside can't cope with Georgians' 4-5-1 formation, flooding the midfield and using lone striker Joe Bevan's speed and movement against a ponderous backline. Simple balls over the top, the surface deadening the ball's pace and Bevan scores five times on 8, 17, 21, 23 and 29 minutes - the latter two penalty kicks. With the game won Georgians become sloppy, lacking their earlier cohesion, and the rest of the half passes without incident.

Half time is seven minutes and an unexpected chance meeting with Joe Bevan's father, Brian, (and his maternal grandfather - out for the first time in six months), who worked alongside me over twenty years ago.... Utter pride at his boy scoring all five in the first period ☺☺

Into the second half and again Heyside fashion a chance, but their left winger lamentably executes a lob over Georgians' underworked keeper and the ball remains in play.... Shortly after George Blackwell makes it six from a fine team move.

Then a lull before a third penalty on 71 minutes - this time saved but Bevan scores with the rebound for his double hat trick. Two minutes later it's Bevan seventh heaven from a gorgeous dinked up and under.

With two minutes to go Blackwell poaches his second, and then, at the death, Bevan, just, scuffs in his eighth for a 10-0 annihilation. Truly, and with apologies to Belinda Carlisle, (Joe) Bevan Is An Ace On Earth !!

Two Home Sides, Two Away Sides, Two Apiece !!

And so, under unusual circumstances, to Salisbury Fields in Broadheath, home of Broadheath Central FC, for today's Cheshire League Premier Division clash. The designated home team is Egerton FC, from Mereheath Lane just outside of Knutsford, whilst the 'away' side are the very same Broadheath Central. Quite whether this is down to PanicDemic19 or last week's wanton vandalism at Egerton Youth Club is not quite clear.....

Egerton FC was formed in 2002 and was named after its founder, Maurice Egerton. After playing in local leagues, the Yellows moved up to the Cheshire League and in May 2016 chairman Tom O'Donnell announced plans to redevelop the site in order to be eligible for promotion to the North West Counties Football League.

In the 2017/18 campaign, Egerton received national media attention after the signings of former professionals Nathan Ellington, Dean Gorre and the (tragically) late JLloyd Samuel. In the same season, Egerton finished fourth in the Cheshire League Division One, earning promotion to the Premier Division in the process. Egerton entered the FA Vase in 2019/20 but the club was later withdrawn after failing a ground grading inspection.

That same season the Yellows put forward their nomination to move up to the NWCFL, but the season's curtailment proved a blessing - 7 points from 18 games would surely have meant exiting the division in the opposite direction !! Two wins and two losses this time around leaves Egerton exactly midtable, 9th of 17.

Broadheath Central Junior FC was established in 1922, and played in local Saturday and Sunday Leagues for many years before joining the Mid Cheshire League in 1991 and immediately gaining promotion to Division One. Relegated in 1997, Central left the (now) Cheshire League in 2009 for the Altrincham and District Amateur League.

Heath rejoined the Cheshire League in 2016, and moved up from the First Division to the Premier in 2019 after a fiery 1-1 draw with the now defunct Blacon Youth (still extant in Division Two via their Reserve side) in very late May. Eighteen games last time, thirteen points and thirteenth place at curtailment was a disappointment. This campaign two wins, two draws and a solitary loss in an entertaining clash with Altrincham Reserves leaves last weekend sees Broadheath one place above the Yellows.

Almost certainly my shortest trek to a match sees me spend ten minutes walking via Claremont Tennis Club, a large dead rat on the pavement outside Aura Apartments and then left into Salisbury Road opposite the Old Cheshire Cheese pub (now Heatcraft) and Cryoniq.

Terraced houses living cheek by jowl bring me to the railed off Salisbury Fields, surrounded by trees in various states of autumnal undress, and with the Bridgewater Canal, towpath and modern apartment block just visible in the distance.

Numberplates GR11LAS (Gorilla Barbers - struggling to see their USP) and H3XED feature en route. Central occupy Unit 18 of The Arches & Quay House Business Park Estate constructed out of the old viaduct, providing changing rooms and a coffee shop.

Storm Aiden brings strong winds, variable sunshine and a brief shower as a youngsters' game alongside finishes shortly before the 2pm kick off. A fluctuating crowd approaches 50, with a healthy and vocal Egerton contingent in the corner.

Egerton are in yellow and black, sponsored by MyProtein, Broadheath in red and black stripes, endorsed by SoeShe, and we're underway at two minutes before two.

Central are denied by the Yellows' keeper's legs before on 17 minutes an imbecilical decision leads to the opening, home goal. Egerton are awarded a free kick in their penalty box, and for mystifying reasons choose to blast the ball at a Central player barely two yards away. The ball ricochets out to the right wing and a gorgeous, arcing cross is met by a hopeful lunge, with just enough purchase to stab the ball into the net.

Arguments rage and Egerton receive three yellow cards in the next ten minutes before regaining their composure. On the half hour Dougie Pringle's shot is blocked and ripples the side netting. My neighbour celebrates the 'goal' - a few seconds too early as the resultant corner is touched in.

Decent chances at both ends but 1-1 at the break, which lasts barely six minutes and sees the referee and linesman use their cars as improvised dressing rooms......

Within a minute a misplaced Broadheath pass falls for Niall Rhodes, who cuts in and finishes with aplomb, smashing into the bottom left hand corner. Parity is restored 9 minutes later as the ball is not cleared and Central's left winger emulates Rhodes with a wonderful strike into the top right hand net.

A flurry of substitutions disrupts the flow of the game, but you feel the next goal will prove to be the winner. Sadly it never arrives, despite two desperate saves at the death, one at each end, with Rhodes denied by an unorthodox legs first block. 2-2 at the finish is a fair outcome, whether you're home or away.....

Orful - Nine is Fine As Whalley Find Their Range !!

And so to the Kings Road, not in Chelsea, instead in humbler surroundings at Whalley Range, for a Cheshire League Division Two clash between Whalley Range AFC and Orford FC.
The Whalley Range Amateur Football Club has had a continuous existence from 1900, and may have started ten years before that. In 1903 it became one of the founder members of the Manchester section of the Lancashire Amateur League and from 1919 a member of the Amateur Football Association.

Promoted as champions of the Lancashire & Cheshire Premier League in the 2019/20 season the Range commenced this term in Cheshire League Division Two. A fine start to the season with 4 straight wins 5-0, 6-3, 8-2, 9-1 then a 1-1 draw, ruining their perfect start, at Sandbach, leaves them top.

Orford FC was founded in 1975, and played in the Warrington District League for over 35 seasons. The club joined Cheshire League Division Two ahead of the 2016/17 season.

Orford, playing at the Orford Jubilee Neighbourhood Hub, were moved up to the First Division in 2018/19 but their last campaign proved disastrous - 2 points from 14 games and relegation back to the Second Division. This season has opened with two defeats.

On a chilly autumnal afternoon it's past The Pelican, which has had its last drink, and Cool Tan where the (sun)lights are switched off, then to Zymologists Sourdough Bakery. Then a numberplate strikes A C1:1ORD, followed by S1.1PER.

To the former Old Cock and the huge council tower block that announce Stretford, beyond the site of the iconic Drum pub, and then The Essoldo where I turn right by Stretford Metrolink. Longford Park on my left, a massively rutted road and then I reach The Centre For Meditation & Modern Buddhism.....

Chorlton awaits, with Little Yeti (Nepalese), Mint Lounge (Asian Fusion - whatever that is !) and Coriander (straightforward Indian) living cheek by jowl. Left on to St Werburghs Road, up the hill, beyond the tram stop and right into Kings Road for the football club.

A pair of red and black gates tucked between two semis (192 and 194) - blink and you miss it (as I did twice !!) - gives no indication that a football club exists in this residential area. The gates lead to a small car park, which I wisely avoid, parking on the street, as every bit of space is used regardless of vehicles being blocked in or emergency vehicle access.

Inside the pitch, and an adjoining warm up pitch, are completely hemmed in by housing, some extended to huge proportions but let down by broken fences. Thick, virtually impenetrable, brambles on the far side, whilst the near side has the clubhouse, complete with new covered terrace and trestle tables. There are also a tuck shop, two shipping containers and a large roller.

Range are in red with black stripes, Orford in green and black. Referee only with coaching staff running the lines, and a crowd, eventually, of roughly 40 assembles for the 2pm kick off.

Whalley have the first chance, Rhys Jones denied by the keeper's legs before Orford fashion two great opportunities - one just wide, the other drawing a good save from Nick Stinca.

On 23 minutes Range's left back Scott Welch goes on a marauding run, a feature of the game, lays off to Jones and his cross produces a tap in for Caylem Bateson. Bateson then hits the outside of the post with a diving header, and the inside of the other post with a more measured shot.

Just after the half hour substitute Josh Calle doubles the lead from a corner never properly cleared. By this time Orford have used three substitutes due to injury, and to add insult Jones and then Bateman round the keeper on 35 and 41 to make it 4-0 at half time, which again is a bare five minutes.

Five minutes into the second period and any hopes of an Orford fightback lay forelorn - reduced to ten men as one of their substitutes is shown a straight red for a wild kick out at the outstanding Tez Butler. Four minutes later Bateson waltzes through to complete his hat trick, and is then withdrawn to avoid talking himself up from a yellow card to a red.

Orford then strike the post from a hopeful cross that evades everyone, but on the hour comes the goal of the game. It starts with a Welch pirouette outside his own penalty area, a strong run, lay off and sprint to latch onto the through ball before smashing home - the crowd still oohing and aahing about the skill shown in his own half.

Then a slight lull, Jones going close twice and Orford exerting some pressure - their goal simply a consolation one. It doesn't happen and in the final eight minutes their defence goes completely AWOL, allowing Jones to provide assists for Andy Morley, and to great cheers from the bar area, Rob Kinsella.

90 minutes are up as Josh Calle adds his second for 9-0, given virtually the whole of the goal to shoot at by a hopelessly mispositioned keeper. 1537 and the referee calls time...

Campion Not So Champion - Welfare Fare Well !!!

And so to the FA Vase Second Round Qualifying and two teams given byes in the First Round, Campion AFC based at the Manningham Mills Sports Association on Scotchman Road in Bradford, and Sunderland Ryhope Colliery Welfare.

Campion AFC was established in 1963 by Michael Mahoney, taking players from the St Edmund Campion Youth Club. By 1975 the club had joined Division 4 of the Bradford Sunday League and in the following year entered a team into the Red Triangle League, a Saturday league.

By 1979 Campion had reached the league's Premier Division, before moving up to the West Riding County Amateur League in 1981. The club dropped out of the league for one season for the 1985/86 campaign due to financial difficulties but returned the year after.

As champions of Division 2 in 1990, Division One awaited which was won in 1992/93. The team were also Premier Division Cup winners four times between 2004 and 2008, and West Riding Challenge Cup winners in 2006/07.

Campion applied for promotion to Division One of the Northern Counties East League, and by finishing third, duly went up at the end of the 2015/16 season. Last time they sat 5th at the point of curtailment, but with four straight wins this season they currently sit second, a point behind AFC Emley with a game in hand.

Ryhope Colliery Welfare FC was founded in 1892 by coal miners, playing in local leagues and winning their first league title in 1927/28. The team enjoyed most of its success in the 1960s, being crowned champions of the Wearside League four times and winning the Monkwearmouth Charity Cup twice.

Between 1988 and 1992 the Welfare was known as Vaux Ryhope FC after a merger with Sporting Club Vaux (formerly South Hetton FC). After reverting back to Ryhope CW 2010 saw another Monkwearmouth Charity Cup triumph, but this was just a forerunner to an extraordinary 2010/11 season....

Ryhope won the quadruple - the Wearside League, Monkwearmouth Charity Cup, Sunderland Shipowners Cup and League Cup. 2011/12 produced a repeat quadruple performance resulting in promotion to the Northern League.

In their first campaign Colls finished runners up, gaining promotion to the 1st Division - but due to ground grading issues ended up being demoted back to the Wearside League.

A year later, as runners up and with ground problems resolved, Ryhope were promoted back to the Northern League Division 2. Two seasons later, this time finishing runners up to South Shields, and Welfare ascended to Division One and Step 5, under the tutelage of managerial duo Gary Pearson (still in charge) and Stuey Gooden (now serving a 10 year prison sentence for his part in an organised drug dealing ring).

Steady progress has ensued, although last term's 13th place at the season's abandonment was a disappointment, and they currently languish near the foot of the league this time.

An autumnal, showery morning awaits as I walk to Brooklands - Scissorhands seems to have had its final cut, Mamas Cakeria its final bite and the journey is over for Mayar Travel... A powder blue Bentley GT04 GAL is sat, incongruously, outside four sheltered housing maisonettes and other registration plates today feature F4VE X and L8 NVR (presumably a private hire vehicle).

Then to Metrostink and Manchester, with queues outside Albert Halle Musik and Dirty Martini before I reach the cathedral, Mahatma Gandhi statue, Chethams and the ornate sign outside Victoria, which amongst all other things advertises the wonderful destination of Goole...

A deserted train departs, passing waterlogged fields, before I reach wind turbines at Littleborough, then the leonine sign at Todmorden and its WW1 Railways War display, followed by eclectic Hebden Bridge and the Halifax Flour Society and to Bradford Interchange. It's evident that this is a city of impoverishment, epitomised by unoccupied retail outlets, obese shoppers and a large Poundland...

Past the Alhambra, Bankrupt Sofas and Beds, Dial a Roti, and into depressing terraced streets and then by derelict and dangerous buildings as I reach the Players Cars Stadium on Scotchman Road in Manningham.

£5 in, track and trace (I'm number 15 - the crowd eventually swells to 90) and in the shadow of the iconic Lister's Manningham Mills I'm in, to a ground supporting a cricket pitch next door - flooded but still capable of allowing the Red and Blacks to warm up. Nearside are the changing rooms and clubhouse, with an electronic scoreboard that continues to advise the score is 0-0 (more anon !!). To my left is a raised one step terrace and a small two row seated stand extending from the corner flag to the half way line. A walkway and the dugouts to the right, and up top are leafy residences and out of bounds...as I later find out ☺

Grey skies give way to patchy sunshine with Campion in red and (faded) black stripes, Ryhope in change purple and white, with red and black goalnets and an uneven, sloping pitch. The linesmen are complete opposites - one young, slim and with his arms tattooed to within an inch of his life, the other short, fat and bald.

Sunderland curiously start with players wearing shirt numbers 14,15 and 19 (no 5, 7 or 9) but the home side start the brighter with Aidan Kirby forcing a smart save out of James Winter. Thereafter Colls start to dominate the game and the excellent Robbie Bird draws a splendid stop from Stephen Kerr, then smites the crossbar.

Five minutes before half time a meaty challenge and afters results in a huge, angry and violent confrontation; when matters calm down the referee issues a red card to Campion's Ben Bodie, and, despite plenty of splenetic verbal aggression from the away bench, to Ryhope's Denver Morris too.

The free kick goes Welfare's way, is pumped into the box and recycled back to Bird whose strike flies into the top corner. Half time, a smidgeon of rain, and a word with the Ryhope video man elicits, begrudgingly, that the two red cards were the right decision...

The second period sees Ryhope in charge, adapting much better to going down to ten men. Ten minutes in James Ellis feeds in Kyle Davis who shoots across Kerr and the lead is doubled. Roles are reversed on 66 minutes as Davis lays off to Ellis, in acres of space, and he calmly sidefoots past Kerr for 3-0.

Welfare create a host of opportunities, spurned, and the Red and Blacks look a beaten side; but they rally and captain Aiden Day hits the bar and then his swerve inside results in a shot fingertipped onto the inside of post by Winter, with the ball squirming along the goal line, and then desperately hacked away. Campion then win a spot kick with five to go but Day's penalty is comfortably saved by Winter - just not his, or Campion's, erm, day.....

To add insult to injury in the final minute Ollie Hotchkiss lumps a free kick into the Campion box and Ben Riding, unmarked, heads home. A comfortable 4-0 win for the higher placed Ryhope at the death, despite the scoreboard still proclaiming 0-0, and the teams depart to an obsidian sky.... and that iconic mill.