A Perfect Ten - Joe's Gr-Eight In The Georgians' Style, As Heyside Fall By The Wayside (Badly) !

And so, after Lockdown2 ('without football there is only weather'), to Cale Green, or more accurately Woodsmoor, on Cromley Road on the outskirts of Stockport for a debut Manchester League Premier Division clash between Stockport Georgians and Heyside.

Stockport Georgians FC was formed in 1908 as St George's Church Sunday League side on Buxton Road in Heaviley. After World War One the club became St George's (Stockport) Athletic Club in 1923, with members having to be an attendee of both the church and the Men's Bible Class - so nothing to do with George V's accession to the throne in 1910.....

Georgians played in the Stockport League through the 1920s, winning the title in 1926 and 1927, moving to Cromley Road in 1925, acquiring 'a plot of land containing eight acres and twenty seven perches situated at Woodsmoor, Stockport' and then being elected to the Lancashire and Cheshire League in 1931. Finally winning Division 2 in 1964 the top tier awaited but a deterioration of the pitch and an arson attack forced the club to play at Woodbank Park and Davenport School in the early 1970s.

The club absorbed Adswood Amateurs in 1987, taking their place in the Manchester Premier League, and were crowned as champions in 1988, 2002 and 2015.

An application and approval to the North West Counties Football League (NWCFL) last term is still extant, but 6th place last time when stumps were drawn has been transformed to league leaders this season with 6 wins and one loss.

Heyside FC, 'Youth is the Future', was founded in 1975 by the late Brian Bakes who identified a need for a boys' team in the local area - thus Heyside Juniors was born.

Playing at Crompton House School in Shaw, Heyside moved up from the Huddersfield and District League to the First Division of the Manchester League in 2016.

Immediately promoted as runners up the Blues have placed 6th, 4th and 9th last term in the null and voidance - but won the Challenge Cup for the 2019/20 season. One win and five defeats leaves them next to bottom this time around however....

So, after a wet evening, a tinge of brightness awaits me as I drive past the waterlogged artificial pitches at Trafford College, and on to a heavily potholed Washway Road, the sidestreets awash with Amazon delivery vans. Bypassing Lady Muck Aesthetics, Utopia offering Bodhi Tree Buddhas, and Zahra's Bakery I make my way to the M60 and 'New Road Layout For Social Distancing' (not really understanding that....)

Numberplates LE55 GAS (a roofing specialist ?) and DB11DOG, aka Dog Food Dave, appear en route, along with Extinction Rebellion graffiti, and the Pyramid - now 'Iconic HQ - To Let'. Then it's the A6 and Killer Gramms, the Hat Museum, Vape Arise, a suitably substantial (and appropriate) The Scotch Egg, Hally Moo's Milk Shake Bar, Little Lanka and the illustrious Brookfield House, dating from 1898.

Right by Stockport Grammar School and past Woodsmoor Station brings me to Flowery Field and then Cromley Road - and 'Welcome to Flowery Field & Stockport Georgians Athletic Club'. Experience (Eccleshall and Abbey Hulton ?) teaches me to park on the street rather than the club car park...

Inside a temperature check (34.3 can't be right !!) and track and trace details, as a crowd approaching 50 gathers for a game that only takes place due to an army of volunteers after last night's heavy rain.

At the top end is the three step covered John Mannion Stand, behind which lies the cricket ground and pavilion - 5 Ultras rainbow flags and, err, 3 ultras congregate on the steps. Elsewhere we are surrounded by housing - to the left are naked trees and very wet grass, nearside a concrete walkway and at the bottom changing rooms and an apparently open snack bar and gazebo, plus a cleared area which I assume will eventually house the 50 seater stand required for NWCFL

membership.

Georgians are in red and black, sponsored by Tecco (apart from their left back who seems to be wearing last season's strip covered with Allens regalia). Heyside are in two tone blue, with their sponsors Simply Dog Behaviour. This time there are a pair of ubiquitous tubby linesmen, of vastly different ages....

Within the first 4 minutes Heyside spurn their best chance; set free Matty chooses to go with power rather than placement and blasts wide when one on one with the Georgians' keeper. Thereafter it's all downhill on a pudding of a pitch, that becomes a mud bath - apart from one corner....

Heyside can't cope with Georgians' 4-5-1 formation, flooding the midfield and using lone striker Joe Bevan's speed and movement against a ponderous backline. Simple balls over the top, the surface deadening the ball's pace and Bevan scores five times on 8, 17, 21, 23 and 29 minutes - the latter two penalty kicks. With the game won Georgians become sloppy, lacking their earlier cohesion, and the rest of the half passes without incident.

Half time is seven minutes and an unexpected chance meeting with Joe Bevan's father, Brian, (and his maternal grandfather - out for the first time in six months), who worked alongside me over twenty years ago.... Utter pride at his boy scoring all five in the first period ☺☺

Into the second half and again Heyside fashion a chance, but their left winger lamentably executes a lob over Georgians' underworked keeper and the ball remains in play.... Shortly after George Blackwell makes it six from a fine team move.

Then a lull before a third penalty on 71 minutes - this time saved but Bevan scores with the rebound for his double hat trick. Two minutes later it's Bevan seventh heaven from a gorgeous dinked up and under.

With two minutes to go Blackwell poaches his second, and then, at the death, Bevan, just, scuffs in his eighth for a 10-0 annihilation. Truly, and with apologies to Belinda Carlisle, (Joe) Bevan Is An Ace On Earth !!

Two Home Sides, Two Away Sides, Two Apiece !!

And so, under unusual circumstances, to Salisbury Fields in Broadheath, home of Broadheath Central FC, for today's Cheshire League Premier Division clash. The designated home team is Egerton FC, from Mereheath Lane just outside of Knutsford, whilst the 'away' side are the very same Broadheath Central. Quite whether this is down to PanicDemic19 or last week's wanton vandalism at Egerton Youth Club is not quite clear.....

Egerton FC was formed in 2002 and was named after its founder, Maurice Egerton. After playing in local leagues, the Yellows moved up to the Cheshire League and in May 2016 chairman Tom O'Donnell announced plans to redevelop the site in order to be eligible for promotion to the North West Counties Football League.

In the 2017/18 campaign, Egerton received national media attention after the signings of former professionals Nathan Ellington, Dean Gorre and the (tragically) late JLloyd Samuel. In the same season, Egerton finished fourth in the Cheshire League Division One, earning promotion to the Premier Division in the process. Egerton entered the FA Vase in 2019/20 but the club was later withdrawn after failing a ground grading inspection.

That same season the Yellows put forward their nomination to move up to the NWCFL, but the season's curtailment proved a blessing - 7 points from 18 games would surely have meant exiting the division in the opposite direction !! Two wins and two losses this time around leaves Egerton exactly midtable, 9th of 17.

Broadheath Central Junior FC was established in 1922, and played in local Saturday and Sunday Leagues for many years before joining the Mid Cheshire League in 1991 and immediately gaining promotion to Division One. Relegated in 1997, Central left the (now) Cheshire League in 2009 for the Altrincham and District Amateur League.

Heath rejoined the Cheshire League in 2016, and moved up from the First Division to the Premier in 2019 after a fiery 1-1 draw with the now defunct Blacon Youth (still extant in Division Two via their Reserve side) in very late May. Eighteen games last time, thirteen points and thirteenth place at curtailment was a disappointment. This campaign two wins, two draws and a solitary loss in an entertaining clash with Altrincham Reserves leaves last weekend sees Broadheath one place above the Yellows.

Almost certainly my shortest trek to a match sees me spend ten minutes walking via Claremont Tennis Club, a large dead rat on the pavement outside Aura Apartments and then left into Salisbury Road opposite the Old Cheshire Cheese pub (now Heatcraft) and Cryoniq.

Terraced houses living cheek by jowl bring me to the railed off Salisbury Fields, surrounded by trees in various states of autumnal undress, and with the Bridgewater Canal, towpath and modern apartment block just visible in the distance.

Numberplates GR11LAS (Gorilla Barbers - struggling to see their USP) and H3XED feature en route. Central occupy Unit 18 of The Arches & Quay House Business Park Estate constructed out of the old viaduct, providing changing rooms and a coffee shop.

Storm Aiden brings strong winds, variable sunshine and a brief shower as a youngsters' game alongside finishes shortly before the 2pm kick off. A fluctuating crowd approaches 50, with a healthy and vocal Egerton contingent in the corner.

Egerton are in yellow and black, sponsored by MyProtein, Broadheath in red and black stripes, endorsed by SoeShe, and we're underway at two minutes before two.

Central are denied by the Yellows' keeper's legs before on 17 minutes an imbecilical decision leads to the opening, home goal. Egerton are awarded a free kick in their penalty box, and for mystifying reasons choose to blast the ball at a Central player barely two yards away. The ball ricochets out to the right wing and a gorgeous, arcing cross is met by a hopeful lunge, with just enough purchase to stab the ball into the net.

Arguments rage and Egerton receive three yellow cards in the next ten minutes before regaining their composure. On the half hour Dougie Pringle's shot is blocked and ripples the side netting. My neighbour celebrates the 'goal' - a few seconds too early as the resultant corner is touched in.

Decent chances at both ends but 1-1 at the break, which lasts barely six minutes and sees the referee and linesman use their cars as improvised dressing rooms......

Within a minute a misplaced Broadheath pass falls for Niall Rhodes, who cuts in and finishes with aplomb, smashing into the bottom left hand corner. Parity is restored 9 minutes later as the ball is not cleared and Central's left winger emulates Rhodes with a wonderful strike into the top right hand net.

A flurry of substitutions disrupts the flow of the game, but you feel the next goal will prove to be the winner. Sadly it never arrives, despite two desperate saves at the death, one at each end, with Rhodes denied by an unorthodox legs first block. 2-2 at the finish is a fair outcome, whether you're home or away.....

Orful - Nine is Fine As Whalley Find Their Range !!

And so to the Kings Road, not in Chelsea, instead in humbler surroundings at Whalley Range, for a Cheshire League Division Two clash between Whalley Range AFC and Orford FC.
The Whalley Range Amateur Football Club has had a continuous existence from 1900, and may have started ten years before that. In 1903 it became one of the founder members of the Manchester section of the Lancashire Amateur League and from 1919 a member of the Amateur Football Association.

Promoted as champions of the Lancashire & Cheshire Premier League in the 2019/20 season the Range commenced this term in Cheshire League Division Two. A fine start to the season with 4 straight wins 5-0, 6-3, 8-2, 9-1 then a 1-1 draw, ruining their perfect start, at Sandbach, leaves them top.

Orford FC was founded in 1975, and played in the Warrington District League for over 35 seasons. The club joined Cheshire League Division Two ahead of the 2016/17 season.

Orford, playing at the Orford Jubilee Neighbourhood Hub, were moved up to the First Division in 2018/19 but their last campaign proved disastrous - 2 points from 14 games and relegation back to the Second Division. This season has opened with two defeats.

On a chilly autumnal afternoon it's past The Pelican, which has had its last drink, and Cool Tan where the (sun)lights are switched off, then to Zymologists Sourdough Bakery. Then a numberplate strikes A C1:1ORD, followed by S1.1PER.

To the former Old Cock and the huge council tower block that announce Stretford, beyond the site of the iconic Drum pub, and then The Essoldo where I turn right by Stretford Metrolink. Longford Park on my left, a massively rutted road and then I reach The Centre For Meditation & Modern Buddhism.....

Chorlton awaits, with Little Yeti (Nepalese), Mint Lounge (Asian Fusion - whatever that is !) and Coriander (straightforward Indian) living cheek by jowl. Left on to St Werburghs Road, up the hill, beyond the tram stop and right into Kings Road for the football club.

A pair of red and black gates tucked between two semis (192 and 194) - blink and you miss it (as I did twice !!) - gives no indication that a football club exists in this residential area. The gates lead to a small car park, which I wisely avoid, parking on the street, as every bit of space is used regardless of vehicles being blocked in or emergency vehicle access.

Inside the pitch, and an adjoining warm up pitch, are completely hemmed in by housing, some extended to huge proportions but let down by broken fences. Thick, virtually impenetrable, brambles on the far side, whilst the near side has the clubhouse, complete with new covered terrace and trestle tables. There are also a tuck shop, two shipping containers and a large roller.

Range are in red with black stripes, Orford in green and black. Referee only with coaching staff running the lines, and a crowd, eventually, of roughly 40 assembles for the 2pm kick off.

Whalley have the first chance, Rhys Jones denied by the keeper's legs before Orford fashion two great opportunities - one just wide, the other drawing a good save from Nick Stinca.

On 23 minutes Range's left back Scott Welch goes on a marauding run, a feature of the game, lays off to Jones and his cross produces a tap in for Caylem Bateson. Bateson then hits the outside of the post with a diving header, and the inside of the other post with a more measured shot.

Just after the half hour substitute Josh Calle doubles the lead from a corner never properly cleared. By this time Orford have used three substitutes due to injury, and to add insult Jones and then Bateman round the keeper on 35 and 41 to make it 4-0 at half time, which again is a bare five minutes.

Five minutes into the second period and any hopes of an Orford fightback lay forelorn - reduced to ten men as one of their substitutes is shown a straight red for a wild kick out at the outstanding Tez Butler. Four minutes later Bateson waltzes through to complete his hat trick, and is then withdrawn to avoid talking himself up from a yellow card to a red.

Orford then strike the post from a hopeful cross that evades everyone, but on the hour comes the goal of the game. It starts with a Welch pirouette outside his own penalty area, a strong run, lay off and sprint to latch onto the through ball before smashing home - the crowd still oohing and aahing about the skill shown in his own half.

Then a slight lull, Jones going close twice and Orford exerting some pressure - their goal simply a consolation one. It doesn't happen and in the final eight minutes their defence goes completely AWOL, allowing Jones to provide assists for Andy Morley, and to great cheers from the bar area, Rob Kinsella.

90 minutes are up as Josh Calle adds his second for 9-0, given virtually the whole of the goal to shoot at by a hopelessly mispositioned keeper. 1537 and the referee calls time...

Campion Not So Champion - Welfare Fare Well !!!

And so to the FA Vase Second Round Qualifying and two teams given byes in the First Round, Campion AFC based at the Manningham Mills Sports Association on Scotchman Road in Bradford, and Sunderland Ryhope Colliery Welfare.

Campion AFC was established in 1963 by Michael Mahoney, taking players from the St Edmund Campion Youth Club. By 1975 the club had joined Division 4 of the Bradford Sunday League and in the following year entered a team into the Red Triangle League, a Saturday league.

By 1979 Campion had reached the league's Premier Division, before moving up to the West Riding County Amateur League in 1981. The club dropped out of the league for one season for the 1985/86 campaign due to financial difficulties but returned the year after.

As champions of Division 2 in 1990, Division One awaited which was won in 1992/93. The team were also Premier Division Cup winners four times between 2004 and 2008, and West Riding Challenge Cup winners in 2006/07.

Campion applied for promotion to Division One of the Northern Counties East League, and by finishing third, duly went up at the end of the 2015/16 season. Last time they sat 5th at the point of curtailment, but with four straight wins this season they currently sit second, a point behind AFC Emley with a game in hand.

Ryhope Colliery Welfare FC was founded in 1892 by coal miners, playing in local leagues and winning their first league title in 1927/28. The team enjoyed most of its success in the 1960s, being crowned champions of the Wearside League four times and winning the Monkwearmouth Charity Cup twice.

Between 1988 and 1992 the Welfare was known as Vaux Ryhope FC after a merger with Sporting Club Vaux (formerly South Hetton FC). After reverting back to Ryhope CW 2010 saw another Monkwearmouth Charity Cup triumph, but this was just a forerunner to an extraordinary 2010/11 season....

Ryhope won the quadruple - the Wearside League, Monkwearmouth Charity Cup, Sunderland Shipowners Cup and League Cup. 2011/12 produced a repeat quadruple performance resulting in promotion to the Northern League.

In their first campaign Colls finished runners up, gaining promotion to the 1st Division - but due to ground grading issues ended up being demoted back to the Wearside League.

A year later, as runners up and with ground problems resolved, Ryhope were promoted back to the Northern League Division 2. Two seasons later, this time finishing runners up to South Shields, and Welfare ascended to Division One and Step 5, under the tutelage of managerial duo Gary Pearson (still in charge) and Stuey Gooden (now serving a 10 year prison sentence for his part in an organised drug dealing ring).

Steady progress has ensued, although last term's 13th place at the season's abandonment was a disappointment, and they currently languish near the foot of the league this time.

An autumnal, showery morning awaits as I walk to Brooklands - Scissorhands seems to have had its final cut, Mamas Cakeria its final bite and the journey is over for Mayar Travel... A powder blue Bentley GT04 GAL is sat, incongruously, outside four sheltered housing maisonettes and other registration plates today feature F4VE X and L8 NVR (presumably a private hire vehicle).

Then to Metrostink and Manchester, with queues outside Albert Halle Musik and Dirty Martini before I reach the cathedral, Mahatma Gandhi statue, Chethams and the ornate sign outside Victoria, which amongst all other things advertises the wonderful destination of Goole...

A deserted train departs, passing waterlogged fields, before I reach wind turbines at Littleborough, then the leonine sign at Todmorden and its WW1 Railways War display, followed by eclectic Hebden Bridge and the Halifax Flour Society and to Bradford Interchange. It's evident that this is a city of impoverishment, epitomised by unoccupied retail outlets, obese shoppers and a large Poundland...

Past the Alhambra, Bankrupt Sofas and Beds, Dial a Roti, and into depressing terraced streets and then by derelict and dangerous buildings as I reach the Players Cars Stadium on Scotchman Road in Manningham.

£5 in, track and trace (I'm number 15 - the crowd eventually swells to 90) and in the shadow of the iconic Lister's Manningham Mills I'm in, to a ground supporting a cricket pitch next door - flooded but still capable of allowing the Red and Blacks to warm up. Nearside are the changing rooms and clubhouse, with an electronic scoreboard that continues to advise the score is 0-0 (more anon !!). To my left is a raised one step terrace and a small two row seated stand extending from the corner flag to the half way line. A walkway and the dugouts to the right, and up top are leafy residences and out of bounds...as I later find out ☺

Grey skies give way to patchy sunshine with Campion in red and (faded) black stripes, Ryhope in change purple and white, with red and black goalnets and an uneven, sloping pitch. The linesmen are complete opposites - one young, slim and with his arms tattooed to within an inch of his life, the other short, fat and bald.

Sunderland curiously start with players wearing shirt numbers 14,15 and 19 (no 5, 7 or 9) but the home side start the brighter with Aidan Kirby forcing a smart save out of James Winter. Thereafter Colls start to dominate the game and the excellent Robbie Bird draws a splendid stop from Stephen Kerr, then smites the crossbar.

Five minutes before half time a meaty challenge and afters results in a huge, angry and violent confrontation; when matters calm down the referee issues a red card to Campion's Ben Bodie, and, despite plenty of splenetic verbal aggression from the away bench, to Ryhope's Denver Morris too.

The free kick goes Welfare's way, is pumped into the box and recycled back to Bird whose strike flies into the top corner. Half time, a smidgeon of rain, and a word with the Ryhope video man elicits, begrudgingly, that the two red cards were the right decision...

The second period sees Ryhope in charge, adapting much better to going down to ten men. Ten minutes in James Ellis feeds in Kyle Davis who shoots across Kerr and the lead is doubled. Roles are reversed on 66 minutes as Davis lays off to Ellis, in acres of space, and he calmly sidefoots past Kerr for 3-0.

Welfare create a host of opportunities, spurned, and the Red and Blacks look a beaten side; but they rally and captain Aiden Day hits the bar and then his swerve inside results in a shot fingertipped onto the inside of post by Winter, with the ball squirming along the goal line, and then desperately hacked away. Campion then win a spot kick with five to go but Day's penalty is comfortably saved by Winter - just not his, or Campion's, erm, day.....

To add insult to injury in the final minute Ollie Hotchkiss lumps a free kick into the Campion box and Ben Riding, unmarked, heads home. A comfortable 4-0 win for the higher placed Ryhope at the death, despite the scoreboard still proclaiming 0-0, and the teams depart to an obsidian sky.... and that iconic mill.

The Moore The Merrier - Village People Cruisin' In Seventh Heaven....

And so to Chapel Lane and Partington Sports Village (Partington Leisure Centre in my day !!) for the Cheshire League Division One clash between Partington Village FC, playing their opening game of the season, and Moore United FC, who have already played three league matches, garnering a single point thus far.

Partington Village FC was established in 1939, playing in lower local leagues, and hitting the heights in recent years. Four consecutive league titles, culminating in being crowned as league champions of Cheshire League Division Two at the point of null and voiding, sees Village play their first ever game at this level - and there is a League Cup Final against Styal to play for next month.

Moore United from Latchford, Warrington, was established in 1946. Billy Green's Red and White Army finished next to bottom at the curtailment of the last campaign.

 

On a cold autumnal day, with a biting wind, the four mile, ten minute journey conjures up more than expected... The roadworks that have paralysed Manchester Road have thankfully finished, so it's past Trafford College, the proposed, currently rejected, 5G mast site, then Bramley Farm, the council tip and Roe Clare Cattery.

 

Numberplates SS10UXS and ST11NTZ appear plus a German Schuller lorry with the slogan 'Kuchen fur Leben' - so not much repeat business there !! It's a shockingly rutted road, hemmed in by rampant hedges before I turn left onto Chapel Lane. Partington Sports Village is on the outskirts of Partington and affords plenty of parking next to the astroturf pitch and netball/ basketball courts. The indoor leisure centre is to my right, and the open fields reveal a partially taped off pitch, scene of today's game, and, in the distance, a rugby pitch. Next door is Broadoak High School, and up top playing fields and woods adjacent to Warburton Lane.

 

The referee arrives in his car shortly after me, already fully kitted out, but there are no assistant referees, with the lines being run by a member of each team's coaching staff. No admission fee, naturally, and a crowd (counted by me !!) of 24, including babies - although this is fairly fluid, given the comings and goings, and indeed a 25th spectator rocks up just after the hour mark.

2pm kick off with Village in all maroon, sponsored by Atlantic Timber, and Moore in change blue with white flashing, sponsored by Deliveroo. The first few minutes see Partington dominating early exchanges, but their players are seemingly more interested in the fortunes of Manchester United in the early kick off at Brighton, rather than the game they are actually playing in.

 

Once that is all sorted Village take full control, and on 18 minutes score their first with the ball driven home from a blocked shot. Three minutes later an unconvincing lob from a through ball just reaches the net, and a further three minutes on Partington strike the bar, but that is with the aid of a Moore hand. The penalty is summarily despatched to make it 3-0.

 

On 32 minutes an inadvertent deflection off a United defender plays in an offside Village striker who scores easily. 4-0 and Partington hit the post with the last kick of the first period. Half time lasts barely five minutes - industrial language on one side of the pitch, laughter and merriment on the other....

 

Under a minute after the restart and a lovely team move, culminating in a sublime one two, results in a tap in, Josh McVety's hat trick and it's five ! Thereafter Village go off the boil for a while and fall asleep seven minutes later, allowing Moore to score what proves to be a meaningless consolation.

 

Normal service is shortly resumed and with twenty minutes left Tykio Williams races on to a  through ball to score, and Partington then hit the bar and force two great saves. In the final minute the ball is recycled twice in the penalty area resulting in a simple tap in for the outstanding Zak Ashford. 7-1 at the death..... Village is more, and Moore is less !!!

Skem Get The Blues As Lions Roar...

And so to the FA Vase First Round Qualifying at the JMO Sports Park and an all NWCFL clash between Skelmersdale United and Stockport Town.

The home club had its genesis in 1882 with a team of players brought together by the teaching staff of Skelmersdale Wesleyan Day School and was called Skelmersdale Young Rovers, before becoming Skelmersdale Wesleyans and then Skelmersdale United. Skem joined the Liverpool County Combination in 1909, winning ten championships before moving ground, from Sandy Lane to White Moss Park, and league to the Lancashire Combination in 1956.

In 1967 the Blueboys won their way to the FA Amateur Cup Final at Wembley in front of 75,000 spectators, drawing 0-0 with Enfield, before losing 3-0 in the replay at Maine Road. Two seasons later United transferred to the Cheshire County League, and, after two FA Amateur Cup semi final losses, finally won the trophy in 1971 with a 4-1 thrashing of Dagenham at Wembley - the club also moved up to the Northern Premier League.

By 1976 United had dropped into the Lancashire Combination and in 1982, when the Combination was amalgamated with the Cheshire County League to form the North West Counties League (NWCL), the Blueboys became a founder member. The club left their spiritual home of White Moss Park in 2002 for Stormy Corner and a second-place finish brought promotion back to the Northern Premier League in 2006.

Skem finished in a play-off position all but once in the next 5 seasons, with all ending in failure. Finally in the 2012-2013 season they finished top of the league, being promoted to the Northern Premier League Premier Division, after winning the league by a 16 point margin, scoring 110 goals in the league campaign.

Serious financial problems ensued in 2014/15 but the Blueboys battled through until March 2017 when a 6-0 home drubbing by Buxton meant relegation to Division One North. This was coupled with the announcement that the club had been unable to agree a new lease on its Uretek Stadium aka Stormy Corner ground and as a result was at risk of ceasing to exist.

Skem were evicted on 20 October 2017, played two games at the Marine Travel Arena, before commencing a season-long groundshare at Valerie Park, home of Prescot Cables (the 'Pesky Bulls'). 2018/19 saw United playing in the newly titled NPL Division One West, but a miserable season saw only 13 points garnered and relegation back to the NWCFL. Last season United were in 15th at the point of null and voided, but more importantly the Blueboys moved to their new home of the JMO Sports Park and played their first game at the venue on Boxing Day 2019 against local rivals Burscough, coming out on top with a 4-0 win in front of 266 supporters.

Stockport Town, 'The Lions', was formed in February 2014 but their initial request to join the North West Counties in the Premier Division was refused in the summer of 2014. After a year of preparation (or in the wilderness....) they were allowed to join Division One at the start of the 2015/16 season.

Previous tenants Stockport Sports, formerly Woodley Sports, who were playing in the Premier Division, were expelled from the league early in 2015 for postponing games, and, amidst unpaid debts, were liquidated. Conspiracy theories abounded... Last time around Town were in 9th place when the season was abandoned, notwithstanding Robbie Savage stepping out of retirement to make a 10 minute cameo appearance against now defunct FC Oswestry Town.

So against a background of an azure sky, golden sunshine, but a stiff breeze, I set off past Da Noi, the Altrincham stocks 'Police Lock Up 1938', Cordon Vert and the new Little Waitrose en route to the M56. A bizarre set of numberplates occur - A5 EVA teamed with E4EVA, then R1LEY and R1LED, and topped off by WH05 WHO - what are the chances of that occurring ??

Onto the M6, Thelwall behaving itself, beyond the mammoth Movianta warehousing then the M58 and off at Junction 4 to the massive Hope Island. Ignoring the incorrectly signed football club directions (still imploring us to go to Stormy Corner) it's left, bypassing a plethora of business parks, finally I reach Railway Road and the JMO Sports Park aka One Call Taxis Stadium on the left. 

There's a huge free car park next to the complex, which has two full sized pitches, a 9 a side pitch, three 7 a side pitches and five 5 a side pitches. £6 at the gate, completing the track and trace and into a match limited to an attendance of 300 - in the event 169 show up.

Inside there's a covered terrace area to my right and the main all seater stand to my left where apparently 'Face Mask Compulsary' (sic) - unsurprisingly this is universally ignored. Beyond leads to steps and a raised area with the clubhouse and bar looking out over the pitch. Opposite is a walkway leading to the other pitches, and to the right a path with Railway Road behind.

Before kick off I chat to a Skem diehard, who proudly shows off his 50th anniversary 2020-2021 FA Amateur Cup badge. Then we move on to Burscough FC, and their owner, who is universally reviled in Skelmersdale. Turns out that he also owns Stormy Corner and gave the Blueboys two hours notice of eviction - he shows me a picture of a 'Wanted Dead or Alive - For Money Making' poster that Skem fans produced...

The story continues - Burscough have sold their ground, built a new one adjacent incorporating an all weather pitch, which has immediately flooded, and installed the old main stand from Stormy Corner, which has already been condemned and now removed. NWCFL have refused permission for the new stadium to be used for matches, resulting in today's Vase game against Hallam being switched to Sheffield (Hallam ultimately won on penalties !!). All this gleefully imparted..... And was I aware of the 4-0 drubbing of Burscough on Boxing Day for the first match at the JMO ?? Mmm, think we might have covered that earlier...

The Blueboys naturally are in all blue with white trim, the Lions in white and black, with a youthful refereeing team and one of the linesmen wearing spectacles. Strangely the game kicks off at 1456.....

Stockport start the stronger and on 9 minutes a long ball finds Aaron Knight, looking suspiciously offside and definitely socially distanced, who controls the ball awkwardly and slots past Skem keeper, and well known local heroic police officer, Ben Barnes to give the visitors the lead.

Barnes then saves well from Lee Grimshaw and is subsequently booked for a ridiculous altercation which leaves Grimshaw poleaxed. As for Skem, very little until the final few minutes of the half when Morgan Piper produces two wonderful saves to deny Lloyd Ellams and sub Michael Grogan. Half time leads to a wholly unexpected catch up with steward Big John.

United start the second period sloppily, and 7 minutes through Knight plays in Grimshaw who places the ball beyond Barnes and it's 2-0 to Stockport. Shortly after the same combination brings a brave save from Barnes.

The Blueboys are disappointing, huffing and puffing in the strong breeze, creating little from their humping the long ball tactics. Finally a chance arises, fashioned by a strong header from Richard Brodie, but fellow sub Emini Agegbenro gets it all wrong and hooks horribly wide.

To the final four minutes (closer to ten with stoppages) and suddenly the match erupts. Ellams with a vicious, swerving and dipping free kick scores off the underside of the bar to halve the deficit, and two minutes later hits the bar with a longer range dead ball kick.

Brodie is shown a straight red for violent conduct, which again leaves Grimshaw poleaxed. With the changing rooms out of action, bizarrely he has to slink to the corner flag and 'hide'... 'He's bringing himself on in a minute' is the chirp next to me. Just time for Clayton Gorman to miss a sitter for the Lions with Barnes patrolling the half way line and hopelessly out of position for a Town counter attack - hurriedly and helplessly rushing back as the shot is both high and wide. Nonetheless lower league Stockport win the tie 2-1 and go to Bacup Borough in the next round.

Six of The Best - Academicals Taught A Lesson !

And so to the Aspray Arena and Noose Lane in Willenhall for a Midland League Premier Division curtain raiser between Sporting Khalsa and Haughmond.

Sporting Khalsa - khalsa a community that takes Sikhism as its faith - was established in 1991 playing senior football in the Walsall & District Sunday leagues, and playing Saturday football between 1995 and 1997.

After a committee reorganisation in 2004 the club rejoined the West Midlands (Regional) League, immediately gaining promotion. In the following year Sporting became the first Asian semi professional club in the country to own its own ground - Abbey Park Stadium, formerly the home of Bloxwich Town FC.

After five years at Abbey Park the Lions purchased the 5 acre freehold grounds of Willenhall Town FC from the Receivers and Aspray Arena was born. Division One was conquered that season and the Premier Division awaited....

As champions of the Premier League in 2014/15 Khalsa were promoted to the Midland League, finishing third in their first two terms. A £1m redevelopment at Noose Lane in 2017, necessitating a groundshare with AFC Wulfrunians, saw Sporting slip from first to fifth. The revamped stadium, with 5G pitch, was opened in July 2018 - the Lions in second last time, with games in hand, before the season was null and voided.

Haughmond FC, from the Sundorne Sports Village in Shrewsbury, was established in 1980 and moved to the Shropshire County Premier League. The Mond won the double of the league and Ron Jones Memorial Cup in 2011, and were promoted to the West Midlands (Regional) League Division Two, which they won in their first season.

The Academicals triumphed in Division One two seasons later, and then achieved promotion to the Midland League in 2016/17; relegated in their inaugural season, promoted as runners up the following year and 16th from 20 as the pandemic hit last term.

So with a bruised sky and patchy rain then changing to watery sun, and via MillionHairs (pet beautician !) it's on to the roadworks at Knutsford, promising 11 more months of misery. THE PIES graffiti is back on the motorway bridge just before Sandbach, and in the opposite direction it's SMOKE PIES...

Then I am assaulted by an array of advertising hoardings in farmers' fields - Cheeky Bathrooms, PartySwan (best present ever - apparently) and 'Are You Pregnant ?' (I sincerely hope not...) And a van with numberplate JU55 MUK and livery of 'Wot The Muck', then a car showboating a plate of G4SPS (yes really !!)

To the Smart Motorway, 18 miles and 18 months of motorway horror due to 'overnight technology'. Most of the red motorway bridge signs have disappeared, but there is a new one at Ash Flats Lane. I depart at junction 10 on to Neachells Lane and then turn right into Watery Lane just after Wags Pet Spa and before the Planetary Industrial Estate.

Beyond Edward Howell Galvanizers (part of the legendary B.E. Wedge Group !! - nostalgia trip.....) and then left into Noose Lane brings me to the vast complex that comprises the Aspray Arena, the 442 bar and Black Country Performance Hub, a community sports facility. Across the way is the Aspray Logistics warehouse.

Plenty of parking and it's £5 in plus track and trace details, with today's crowd limited to 300 - the attendance is 95, in stark contrast to Khalsa's record crowd of 2252 against FC United of Manchester in the FA Cup 4th Qualifying Round in 2015. This was a match littered with crowd violence as FCUM fans were allegedly attacked by flares and a dustbin....

Inside the £1m revamp has provided a tidy, but soulless, stadium which does not extend to dugouts (just an extra row of seats) or comprehensible tannoy. Surrounded by trees on three sides, the ground is reached via a small ginnel adjacent to the many 5 a side pitches. Inside there are two covered all blue and yellow seater stands, one covering half the pitch and, opposite, the main extending to two thirds. A raised walkway is to the left end, and ducks down to pitch level, incorporating the changing rooms, on the right with a food kiosk and the bar in the right hand corner.

Sporting are in yellow and blue, the Academicals in white and black. Inexplicably the match kicks off three and a half minutes late, but there is the ubiquitous tubby linesman - tubby is being kind, given the expanse of his obesity.

90 seconds in and Khalsa lead - Josh McKenzie afforded huge amounts of space in the penalty area to steer his header into the left hand top corner. Thereafter the Lions roar, dominating possession and creating chances, the closest of which sees a mazy run, beating 5 Acamedicals' players, end with the ball striking the post, and Matt Fletcher's absurd clearance goes horribly wrong. An inevitable own goal is prevented by an astonishing Sam Jones save.

Mond take heart from this and start to grow into the game; captain Jack Griffiths has their best opportunity, but inexplicably cushions his volley into the side netting when facing an open goal. Sporting respond and marauding right back Carlo Franco powerfully heads in another delicious cross on 36 minutes to make it 2-0 at the break.

The second half meanders along, Sporting's Sean Williams going close twice and horribly high, wide and distinctly unhandsome with his third shot. 74 minutes and for all the world a comfortable 2-0 home win is on the cards.... but then all hell breaks loose.

A short corner causes pandemonium in the Academicals' box and Michael Perks is credited with the final touch. A minute later and Williams' cross is diverted by the unfortunate Griffiths into the far corner, followed by the third goal in three minutes as a fabulous, slick team move sees Gurjit (Gaz) Singh sidefoot home - and suddenly it's 5-0.

All too much for one of the several Haughmond supporters who nipped away for a crafty fag: 'That was an interesting roll up - three goals and two substitutions'.... He and his party leave, but loiter by the exit gates, just in time to see another short corner in the final minute ending with another superb half volleyed finish from the Lions' Singh.

6-0 at the death, and well as Khalsa played you can't help thinking that Haughmond hung themselves at the Noose (Lane) ....