Wonder Strike Makes Yuille But Saints Send Nomads Home Dis A Point Ed

And so to The Venue at Park Hall, the home of St Martins, who share facilities with The New Saints (and FC Oswestry Town), for the North West Counties League Division One South clash with Cheadle Heath Nomads. The Venue is two and a half miles away from the village of St Martins, which nestles in the North West of Shropshire with the Welsh border just a few hundred yards down the road.

St Martins FC was established in the 19^th century and the club was playing in the Oswestry & District League by 1897. They were league champions in 1919/20 and won the Village Cup in 1931, before changing name to St Martins United in the early 1930s and then Greyhound Rangers in 1935, with matches played in the field next to the Greyhound Inn.

Saints made a successful impact across the border in the Cefn & District League, winning the League Cup in 1936/37 but interest declined and no further organised football was played until the side was reformed in 1945 after World War II.

The revived club joined the North Shropshire League which became the Oswestry & District League and were champions three times, following the last of which in 1955 the team joined the Whitchurch League. That league folded in 1972 so Saints transferred to Division 3 of the West Shropshire League, rising up the divisions and winning various cups – the Syd Roberts, Reg Lawrence and Graham Edwards Memorial Trophies and the Tyre Cup (!!)

The Saints then moved up to the Shropshire County League and, after a period of rebuilding in the West Shropshire Alliance, won the Shropshire County League Premier Division in 2009/10 to be promoted to the West Midlands (Regional) League Division 2. In their first season the side won the Second Division, earning promotion to Division 1 where they stayed until this summer – 4^th place last time earning St Martins promotion to the North West Counties League Division One South.

Cheadle Heath Nomads FC was formed in 1919 and a group of individuals began a fundraising project to reach £1000 to buy the piece of land ‘on the other side of the bridge’ in Cheadle. Success saw the creation of a sports club for the area and in 1921 the club opened with Cheadle Heath Nomads at its core, although there were facilities for cricket, tennis and hockey.

Nomads joined the Lancashire & Cheshire Amateur Football League and, after a brief break in 1927, stayed there until 1994. The club struggled that badly in the 1930s that they changed club colours from green and yellow quarters to white, and every player had to bring their own white shirt !!

Fortunes improved over the years and Nomads contemplated moving to the Mid Cheshire League, but were constrained by a corner of the football pitch forming part of the cricket outfield. With the demise of the cricket section (tennis and hockey had already gone) the club stepped up to the Mid Cheshire League Division Two, and were crowned as champions in their first season.

Nomads consolidated in the First Division until they merged with Linotype FC in 2004. Linotype were in the same division of the now Cheshire League but were having problems retaining their facilities at The Silver Wings Club in Timperley. As a consequence the club changed its name to Linotype Cheadle Heath Nomads.

The merged club then prospered, winning the Cheshire League with a final day of the 2013/14 season 2-0 home win against Eagle Sports (yes I was there !!). Then, with the restructure of the North West Counties League for 2018/19, the club successfully applied for promotion to Division One South. It also provided an opportune time for the club to change its name back to Cheadle Heath Nomads FC in readiness for its centenary next year.

Setting out on a cold but sunny afternoon it’s past the giant carved wooden eagle at the dental practice on Manchester Road and through Altrincham town centre with its £16,000 4 metre monolith aka vanity project that tells us Altrincham has been a market town since 1290, complete with spelling mistake.....

On to the M56 past the Stretton Fox and Stanlow refinery belching fumes and the wind turbines going like the blazes. Then the M53 which becomes the A55 and a turn onto the A483 before nine miles down the A5 – with this week’s numberplates M UN173D (I think we know who he supports) and the truly dreadful CR11SPZ.

Beyond Lion Quays, the Lord Moreton and over the Llangollen Canal, past Artillery Business Park and ignoring the signs for the Firework Spectacular at Chirk Airfield, it’s down Burma Road to The Venue at Park Hall. Disappointingly the former Grandad's Cafe advertising 'Ugly Staff, Beautiful Food' has closed – to be replaced by the Lone Dog Layby Cafe L

The Venue at Park Hall, in Whittington just outside Oswestry is a ten pin bowling and gym complex with a hospitality suite that leads through to a large balcony and seats overlooking the half way line. Next to it is a poor neighbour stand that covers the rest of the touchline, but the Black Hawk Laser Games behind it looks enticing.... less so the Pyjama Drama advertised outside; indeed the Welsh Guards Museum just down the road appears more attractive.

It’s a fiver in and at the far end is another stand that begins at the corner flag, continues behind the goal and then stops rather abruptly at the 18 yard line. Bizarrely, opposite the main stand, there is a further narrow mini grandstand that houses the press box on the second tier, the subs' benches on the first tier and the technical area on the ground and, er, that's it. The rest of the ground is flanked by trees - we are in the countryside after all !

Saints are in yellow and black, their shirts resembling a black and yellow chequerboard. Their diminutive keeper, George Austin, all 5' 6" of him and the smallest player on the park, is all in orange. Nomads are in maroon and pale blue, their stopper Aaron Tyrer in all white. There's another very overweight linesman this week too....

As the game kicks off one side is bathed in glorious sunshine, the other is bitterly cold - cold enough for Saints' Tawanda Melusi to be wearing gloves, but strangely he ditches them for the second half.
The stand behind the goal houses just two spectators and the poor man's stand has a single occupant - today's crowd is 35 with the vast majority on the balcony.

Nomads have more of the possession but Saints look the more incisive. Brendon Price's diving header brings a fine save from Tyrer and Karl Bailey fires wide when he should have hit the target. Saints also have two goals disallowed.

Then Nomads come more into the game as Kieran Herbert lifts the ball over before on 34 minutes Philip Yuille launches a thunderbolt from 30 yards that strikes the top corner of the net. A goalkeeper of more stature might have had a better chance of saving it....

There is a lengthy injury delay while Austin is treated for a hand injury sustained in not saving Yuille's shot. In the five minutes of injury time Nomads' Leon Grandison cuts inside to shoot and this time Austin tips it on to the bar. From the ensuing corner Yuille's header is smuggled off the line.

The second period is All Saints (sorry!) as, bafflingly, Nomads choose to sit back and have what they hold. In a three on two Saints' Dave Easthope opts to square instead of shooting and the ball is cleared but in the main Nomads' defence is well organised and holds firm; their attack is conspicuous by its absence.

The match becomes increasingly tetchy, Nomads falling deeper and deeper and Saints have a series of free kicks just outside the box, which are dealt with comfortably. Into the last ten minutes sub Jordan Davies appears to be tripped in the penalty area but the referee waves play on, to the fury of the Saints' coaching team.

Finally with two minutes to go Melusi skips down the right, beats two men, and rolls the ball across the box to Bailey who smashes home the equaliser. Nomads belatedly press forward but, despite seven added minutes, fail to create a chance and leave with one point instead of three.

Wythy Go To Town - Another Fowl Performance From The Meresiders

And so to Ericstan Park (more of which anon !!) in Baguley and another meeting of two sides new to the North West Counties Division One South – Wythenshawe Town and Ellesmere Rangers.

The home team was founded in 1946 as the North Withington Amateur Football Club and was the idea of some young men who attended St Crispin’s Church on Hart Road in Fallowfield – the first committee meeting was held in the lounge of a house in Garswood Road.

The club played at Hough End Field, Princess Road in Withington and initially joined the South Manchester & Wythenshawe League. Twelve years later in 1958 they were subsequently transferred to the Lancashire & Cheshire Amateur League, working their way up the divisions before winning the First Division in 5 consecutive seasons. Then in 1972 the team applied for and were accepted into the Manchester League.

In June 1974 the club’s headquarters were moved from the Princess Hotel in Withington to the newly acquired ground at Timpson Road, Baguley where 3 prefabricated houses were purchased and turned into a clubhouse and changing facilities. It was decided to name the ground in honour of the then Chairman, Stan Hahn, and Club Secretary, Eric Renard (one of the original club founders), and thus Ericstan Park was born.

Additionally the club commissioned a new badge incorporating a cockerel and a fox – the cockerel relating to Stan Hahn (the German word for cockerel is Hähnchen) and the fox to Eric Renard (the French word for fox is Renard). Not long after, in the early 1980s, the decision was taken to change the club’s name to Wythenshawe Town to reflect their new home.

In 2014 Town moved to the Cheshire League Division Two and during that season won all 39 matches across 4 competitions, earning national headlines as true ‘Invincibles’. The winning streak continued the following season, ending at 49, but promotion as champions took Town to the Premier Division.

After two seasons the club ‘secured promotion’ in the summer to the North West Counties League Division One South, despite only finishing 7^th out of 15. This campaign has been a mixed one, the highlight being an 11-3 victory at Eccleshall and the lowlight, literally, being expelled from the FA Vase for failing to meet floodlight criteria…..

The away side in its present form was established in 1969 following a meeting in The Railway pub and was initially known as Railway Rangers; there have been football teams in the town of Ellesmere since the early 1900s.

Railway Rangers played in the Oswestry & District League but, after moving headquarters to the Market Hotel, changed name to Ellesmere Rangers FC in 1974. In the first season under their new name promotion to the Shrewsbury & West Shropshire League was achieved.

Rangers moved up to the Shropshire County League in the 1980s and, through winning the league in the 2003/04 season, earnt promotion to Division Two of the West Midlands (Regional) League. Promotions in consecutive seasons saw the club into the Premier Division and as champions in 2009/10 they secured promotion to the Midland Alliance.

Three years later Ellesmere were relegated back to the West Midlands where they remained until being transferred laterally to the North West Counties League Division One South at the end of last season – a move that Rangers have struggled to cope with, currently propping up the table with 3 points from 12 games.

Their club nickname is ‘The Meresiders’ referring to The Mere in the centre of Ellesmere (part of Shropshire’s ‘Lake District’), and the club badge depicts a swan to represent an affinity with the large number of these birds and the waterfowl that inhabit the local waterways.

And so as Storm Callum blasts its way through a wild afternoon it's the shortest trip of the season - all 2.3 miles of it to Timpson Road. Past Turkish Grill, formerly owned by a convicted drug smuggler, now on the run, to an eclectic parade of shops featuring, amongst others, Dog Beauty, Marvel Guitars and Cheshire Clocks - quite the bizarre bazaar !!

Then into Timperley Village, left at the Frank Sidebottom statue, beyond Pinwheel Haberdashery and to Brooklands roundabout, which is where this week's car registration plate comes into view. This time it's SO0 6LAD, maybe an omen but definitely more money than sense again......

Ericstan Park is a short way down the road on the right next to Tesco's Baguley superstore, with access via the car park or the cul de sac of Timpson Road round the corner after the new Lidl superstore. The impressive wrought iron gates are wide open and a fiver in leads to the car park where the Ellesmere Rangers minibus is parked up.

Straight in front of me is the well appointed clubhouse and dressing rooms, behind which runs a freight railway line (just the two diesels this afternoon). Across the way is the Billy Moore (Mini) Stand with 32 seats spread across 2 rows which afford some cover from the blustery conditions, and behind is a thick hedge and ex council housing stock.

This side is fenced off half way down next to the dugouts as is the top end which supports trees, undergrowth and a tall fence screening the A560 we arrived on - just one ball today is hit that inaccurately to land on the busy road. So just a 2.5 sided ground this week !

The near side has a similar mini stand, but this time with only 31 seats, as one has gone astray.... Then a single row of blue seats takes us to half way leading to a walkway down to the corner flag. Tree lined again with the Tesco filling station directly adjacent.

And I mustn't forget the floodlights - 6 newly installed floodlights erected on 1 October in readiness for the following night's match with Barnton. A match that was postponed - due to ' floodlight problems' ....

The match kicks off in very blowy conditions, the sun making a brief appearance and thankfully the heavy rain holding off. Wythenshawe are in all blue, Ellesmere in change all yellow with contrasting dugouts - Town's hugely overcrowded, Rangers sparse, naming only 3 substitutes including their manager, Kevin Sandwith. The game is overseen by a very young, very tubby linesman (boy?), a very young, very attractive lineswoman (girl?) and a bald referee, old enough to be the grandfather of both.

The Meresiders elect to play with the wind at their backs and force some early pressure but particularly wayward shooting means they fail to take advantage. Indeed Joseph Imlach's cross cum shot cleared almost on the line is their only notable effort of the half.

Wythenshawe start to fashion opportunities with Liam Crellin-Myers shooting straight at Rangers' stopper Jack Matthews on 11 minutes. A minute later Brad Byrne is clipped from behind in the box, and Grant Spencer slots home the penalty.

The rest of the first period is all about spurned chances for Town. Ben Steer hits the inside of the post from a half cleared corner, and Crellin-Myers and Ste Yarwood are denied by excellent Matthews saves. Byrne also misses, unbelievably, from four yards.

The police are called during the interval, not to investigate whether it's a crime that Wythy are only 1-0 up at the break, but to view some lazy, selfish Chelsea Tractor parking that is blocking emergency vehicle access. Strange this as the club car park is not full and there are plenty of spaces further down the street.....

With the wind to their advantage Wythenshawe open the second half, well, like a whirlwind. Crellin-Myers flicks in Spencer's cross on 50 minutes, Yarwood taps in a rebound three minutes later and within 60 seconds Byrne scores excellently at the near post - 3 goals in 4 minutes !!

Crellin-Myers is thwarted by the save of the match from Matthews just before the hour. Then a flurry of substitutions and Town get sloppy. Rangers come more into the game, and Conor Hughes and Aaron Davies have long range efforts just past the upright - the small group of away fans continually encouraging their players even though the game is lost.

Finally with five minutes to go Steer breaks Wythy's torpor by, err, steering home in the six yard box for 5-0. The Meresiders respond, trickery on the wing from Gerardo Fernandez providing a consolation for Anwar Olugbon. Olugbon then hits the bar and Jake Aldred in the home goal is almost embarrassed by a shot that goes through his legs, only to retrieve it on the goal line, but it remains 5-1 to Wythenshawe at the death.

(Images courtesy of Dylan Photography)

Shelley Shock At Town's Lack of Smarts And Glass Waste

And so to the Stafflex Arena at Storthes Hall to visit another of the North West Counties new boys, Shelley Community FC. Today’s visitors in Division One North are the returning Ashton Town AFC. So 'where is Shelley ?' is the question I've been asked all week, and the answer is 3 miles north east of Upperthong and Netherthong. Still none the wiser ? OK 3 miles north east of Holmfirth, home of Last of The Summer Wine, and 6 miles south east of Huddersfield.

Shelley Football Club was established in 1903 and was originally located on Back Lane, opposite the village hall in Shelley, with the club competing in the Huddersfield & District League – their best performance winning Division 2 twice.

In the late 1950s the club relocated to Westerly Lane, and this heralded a period of success including a double of winning the Division 3 title and the Groom Cup. Sadly the success didn’t last and the club folded in 1972.

The team was reformed in 1980 and in 2000 moved to Skelmanthorpe Rec. Having slipped to Division 5 of the Huddersfield & District League, the club slowly grew taking consecutive championships in Divisions 4 and 3 and winning the Groom Cup in both years.

In 2011 Shelley moved to Storthes Hall and up to the West Yorkshire League Division Two for the 2011/12 campaign. As title winners in their first season the side ascended to Division One finishing runners up in 2012/13 – their best finish.

The Storthes Hall facility was formally opened by Sarah, Duchess of York, in June 2015 with the emphasis being placed on the community. This provided the infrastructure for a successful application to join the North West Counties League Division One North in the close season, notwithstanding a 10^th place finish (out of 16) in the West Yorkshire League.

The original Ashton Town joined the Lancashire Combination in 1903, but withdrew towards the end of the 1910/11 season and their fixtures were taken over by Tyldesley Albion. The current club was established in 1953 by employee Derek 'Mick' Mycock as Makerfield Mill FC - a works football team for Makerfield Mill, one of Lancashire's leading textile mills in the 1950s, and known locally as the 'Weaving Shed'. The first two seasons in the Wigan Sunday School League can only be described as disastrous, with the club winning just two games, and earning the unenviable name of 'The Chopping Blocks'.....

Mick decided to move the club to a higher standard of football, the St Helens Combination, for 1955/56 and successfully gained permission from the Mill's management to play four non-employees. After a season of consolidation, the restriction on the use of outside players was totally lifted and Division 2 was won in 1958.

Makerfield Mill FC joined the Warrington & District Amateur League the following season, and were champions five times in their first six seasons. This was also a period which saw the club renamed Ashton Town in 1962 and they acquired their Edge Green Street ground, which was previously used by Stubshaw Cross Rovers, in 1964.

After a sixth title in 1970, the Town joined the Lancashire Combination and then the Cheshire County League in 1978. Thereafter the club became founder members of the North West Counties Football League in 1982 where they have remained ever since, aside from one season in the Manchester League and last term in the Cheshire League having previously finished bottom of the pile in 2016/17 - slightly at odds with their motto 'Onwards & Upwards'. Despite only finishing 6^th in a league of 15 the Town were successful in gaining re-election to the North West Counties Division One North in the summer.

So on a glorious sunny afternoon it's a familiar trail to the M60, past iBlaze and ELCTRICAL. TOILETORIES. and Dogs and Divas Doggy Daycare. There's even a car with registration plate M60 OOH en route but personally I can't get that excited about a motorway.... Other plates today are SP11NES (wonder what's behind the back of that one!) and SK11NG P with all its winter sport paraphernalia - just goes to show some people have more money than sense....

Anyway beyond the Co-op pyramid and its crystal Methodist, The Light Sociable Cinema - whatever that is - at Red Rock, and off at Denton Rock for the M67 at the end of which is the Big Baps Butty Van.
Traffic chaos, as ever, at Mottram and Hollingsworth, then into the pretty village of Tintwistle with Arnfield Fly Fishery on the left. To Crowden and Woodhead, with the reservoirs still depleted, and a helicopter hovering low above the water.

Some beautiful countryside views in the sunshine as I circumnavigate Penistone - views eclipsed by the return journey via a packed Holmfirth (yes I picked the weekend of the Holmfirth Food & Drink Festival !!) and Holme Moor radio mast.

Onto the A629 and Nether Mill Coarse Fishery and Barnsley Trout Farm, then the floral welcome to Ingbirchworth, Salt Pie Farm at High Flatts, Birdsedge, Thunder Bridge and finally Shelley where I turn at The Foxglove.

Storthes Hall Student Village, formerly a mental hospital, is well signposted and I travel beyond the student accommodation and take a single track potholed road to Storthes Hall Park aka The Stafflex Arena. The Big Kid Circus has also taken residence further on in the complex as I find when the match finishes. Plenty of parking again for today's crowd of 31.

The stadium is something else, almost engulfed in woodland and hacked out of a forest, with three sides tree lined and the fourth with astonishing views of the valley and moors, with Emley Moor transmission tower prominent.

Four pounds at the turnstile brings me to the clubhouse and bar and a patio area, with steps leading to a flat tarmacked viewing area. The quirky 'stand' is completed by nine concrete steps to the touchline with wooden planks acting as seats. Both ends are partially covered, the stand starting in the corner and finishing at the half way line. The top end and opposite touchline both feature warm up areas and are fenced off; there is a walkway behind the goal to my left.

Shelley are in red and black stripes, Ashton in change all yellow and this week we have an Asian referee, a young linesman and an even younger lineswoman. The game starts with a minute's silence in honour of Ashton Athletic's grassroots legend Taffy Roberts who died this week.

The first half is lively enough with Ashton starting the better. Dylan Glass forces a fine diving save from Shelley's keeper Paul Day then wastes another opportunity. Brad Smart scores for Town but the lineswoman flags for offside - not so smart !!

Shelley come back into the game and leading goalscorer Craig Billington's flick volley lands just the wrong side of the post. His header shortly after goes close, before the miss of the first period goes to Ashton's Jason Carey. Seemingly offside he bears down one on one with Day and comfortably sidefoots wide.

The second half sees Town take a stranglehold on the match, with Smart forcing a, ahem, smart save from Day when he should have scored. Shelley's shooting is high, wide and not very handsome.

Glass has two great chances to win the game, the second of which he inexplicably screws into the side netting in a one on one with Day. Then déjà vu from last week: Glass is played through, Day hesitates outside his box then commits to the challenge and appears to bring the Ashton man down. Play on says the referee with no red card for the Shelley stopper or yellow for simulation by Glass.

Valiant Shelley defending keeps the game scoreless with the considered opinion of an elderly home fan at the death being 'Both sides squandered their opportunities - but mainly them !' A point gained for Shelley….

Laird Of The Manor - Dominoes Toppled After Being Given The Hump By Camels

And so to Wellbeing Park, formerly known as the Springbank Stadium and the Flip Out Arena (!!), in the village of Yarnfield, the home of Stone Dominoes FC for their North West Counties League Division One South clash with Cammell Laird 1907 AFC.

The home club was founded in 1987 at St Dominic’s Catholic Church, Scout, Cub, Beaver Group in Stone with a team of 8 year olds by then Chairman Bob Bowers for his youngest son, Daniel, and friends. The club name was chosen by the boys; therefore Stone St Dominic’s became Stone Dominoes FC.

After initially focusing on youth football the club entered a first team in open age Saturday football in 1995 in the Second Division of the Midland League. Three years later promotion was secured to the top division, and Doms were crowned Midland League champions in 2000 with a 14 point winning margin.

Thus began the club’s first foray into the North West Counties Football League. Starting out in Division Two the Dominoes moved up to the First Division in 2003, before being relegated four years later and it was at this time that the club signed TV star Ralf Little of The Royle Family as a player. 2009/10 saw the club win the Second Division but after three troubled years in the First Division Dominoes resigned from the league.

The club was reformed in 2015 and joined the Staffordshire County Senior League Division One, finishing runners up in their second season. After a single campaign in the Premier Division, and an 11^th place finish out of 16, Dominoes successfully applied to join the restructured North West Counties League and were assigned a place in Division One South.

The Camels' history dates back to 1899 when a team from the Upper Boilers shop at Laird Bros played in Birkenhead Park, before switching to rugby. Cammell Laird Institute AFC was established in 1907, playing in the West Cheshire League at Prenton Park, Tranmere.

After World War I the Cammell Laird company faced cutbacks due to reduced government spending on ships and the football team was taken back in house. In 1922 a team was entered into the Birkenhead & Wirral League under the name of Kirklands FC coinciding with the move to the current ground from their two previous homes - Birkenhead Park and Bebington Oval.

The side was disbanded at the outbreak of World War II and reformed in 1946 as Cammell Laird AFC. The Lairds rejoined the Birkenhead & Wirral League before moving up to the West Cheshire League, where they were 19 time champions, including 15 titles in 20 seasons between 1975 and 1994.

The Shipyarders joined the North West Counties in 2004 and back to back promotions took them to the Northern Premier League Division One North. A sideways move to Division One South a season later brought promotion to the Premier Division as runners up, but the Camels were relegated at the end of their first campaign after failing ground grading criteria.

The club disbanded at the end of the 2013/14 season, and a new club, Cammell Laird 1907 FC, went into the North West Counties Division One, earning automatic promotion at the first attempt. However the 2016/17 season produced only three league wins, all after relegation was confirmed, and a bottom placing with a goal difference of -100...... Last term saw the Camels beaten in the play off final by Whitchurch Alport.

So as the rain begins to spit on a cold, grey afternoon it's past the sagging roof at the abandoned Wheatsheaf and beyond the 1839 stocks in the Old Market Place to the new A556 and then the M6.

The Pies graffiti has been replaced by 'SICA DIE' on the overhead bridge as the rain begins to teem down. The sign 'Jn 17 5.2 miles travel time 22 mins' is testament to the efficacy of the smart motorway work currently not being done this afternoon...mind you the opposite carriageway resembles a car park. Today's car registration is A 8UG V, fittingly on a Volkswagen Beetle.

Eventually off at junction 15 and I join the A34, passing Trentham Active Monkey Forest and reaching Tittensor, where Blanc is a very odd name for an Indian restaurant !! Turning at the Darlaston Inn at Meaford takes me through Swynnerton, granted its royal charter in 1306 by Edward I, and the magnificent Swynnerton Hall. Then the village of Cold Meece before I reach Yarnfield with its Labour In Vain pub.

Wellbeing Park and the football complex are the other side of the village and, as promised, plenty of parking (just wait till I get to the crowd !). I walk through Vinny's Gates to find four giant dominoes which when the dots are added up spell out 1987. Next to these are a clubhouse and two football pitches, with a match in progress. Beyond are further full and mini pitches.

A sign points me to the sole turnstile and a fiver in brings me to a pitch that seems to have been hewn out of the earth. Both ends are screened by banking covered in green vegetation and the opposite side has a grassed banking side with the M6 behind. The main railway line runs past the far end - Cross Country and suburban trains only today. The near side is fully covered, terracing at either end and two rows of seats in the middle. Confusingly the roof is adorned with 'Welcome to the Mway Stadium'.

Stone are in red and black, and naturally their shirt sponsor is Domino's, the Camels in blue and white, and the referee in dreadlocks.

The rain has abated for now but the wet pitch makes for much slipping and sliding. A non descript opening gives way to a succession of Lairds' corners which Stone have no idea how to defend. On the quarter hour Ryan Burke's centre from the right gives Ste Rothwell a free header at the near post to put the Camels in front. The next corner from the left and Adam Rooney with another free header hits the bar, before three minutes later, another corner, yes you've guessed it another free header, and this time Rooney scores.

Doms are clueless and it's a surprise they only go in two down at half time. They improve marginally after the break but, despite the promptings of Brandon Rock, lack the quality or creativity to threaten the scoreline.

Indeed it's a second half more notable for the Camels' profligacy with Rothwell and Andy Scarisbrick shooting well wide instead of finding each other. Lairds have three penalty shouts turned down, the last of which proves controversial.

Scarisbrick is sent through one on one, a heavy touch and he just dinks it past the keeper before being caught. The linesman flags, the referee waves it away then they consult after the ball goes dead. Scarisbrick is booked for simulation to the bewilderment of the crowd - ah yes the 'crowd' which is 21, and the first time I've paid to go to a match where the players outnumbered the supporters..... It finishes 2-0 to the Camels.

Avrocious - Villagers Bombed Out of Vase

 And so to the Vestacare Stadium, the former Whitebank Stadium, in Limeside Village, Oldham for an FA Vase tie between Avro and Barnton. History in the making today as Avro enter the FA Vase for the first time ever as North West Counties Division One North meets North West Counties Division One South.

The origins of Avro FC go back to the years just before the start of World War II. A V Roe established an aircraft factory at Chadderton, which became the home of the famous ‘Dambusters’ aircraft – the Avro Lancaster, as well as the Cold War ‘V’ bomber – the Avro Vulcan.

A V Roe had previously purchased a smaller factory in Failsworth, where the Failsworth Lodge was also located. 1936 saw the Lodge purchased by the Avro works manager and the birth of works team Avro FC.

In 1950 the Lodge was opened up to all personnel of Avro and took on the Lancaster Club name. The Grade II listed Lancaster Club then became the club’s headquarters for the next 67 years.

Avro joined the Manchester League in the 1954/55 season but only had two brief stints of 3 seasons apiece in the Premier Division. They returned permanently for the 2008/09 campaign, winning the Premier League in 2009/10 and retaining it the following year, although the latter title was stripped after a points deduction.

Oldham Council had bought the Lancaster Club land in 2012 and announced plans to build houses on the site. This led to the move to the Vestacare Stadium, also home to Oldham Roughyeds RLFC and previously to the now defunct Oldham Borough FC (formerly Oldham Dew and Oldham Town), at the start of last season.

The club won the double of Manchester League Premier Division and Manchester FA County Cup in their first season at the new ground, and applied to join the North West Counties League, gaining a place in Division One North.

The visitors, Barnton FC, from Townfield, was established in 1946 and became founder members of the Mid Cheshire League two years later. The Villagers won the league 11 times in total, including seven in a row from 1997 to 2003.

The league was renamed the Cheshire League in 2007 and Barnton were relegated to Division Two in 2009. Having been promoted as champions in 2013, the Villagers then finished 5th in the top tier in 2014 which was sufficient to gain election to the North West Counties Football League - their first ever season at Step 6; they had however previously represented England in the UEFA Regions League in 2004 playing Slovenian and Bosnian opposition.

In 2015/16 the club finished third and won the play off final 2-0 against Bacup Borough after extra time in front of a record crowd of 554 (yup I was there !). 17th in their first season at the higher level but four wins, 19 points and 171 goals conceded in the 23 team league made relegation inevitable last time.

And so with the sun trying to break through thick grey cloud it's on to Manchester Road and immediate number plate spotting. 5 AVR and MW66 AVR might not be significant but are they portents of things to come ? But this week's winner is YE11 OWN belonging to a yellow Nissan Micra, which suggests a certain lack of imagination and a need to get out a bit more (the same could be levelled at the writer !!)

All this before Cinders Fireplaces and the shutters that are ELCTRICAL. TOILETORIES..... The M60, mayhem and gridlock at the A34 junction, the Co op pyramid and its crystal Methodist, then Red Rock which this week won the 'award' for the UK's worst new building.

More traffic chaos at Denton Rock due to an accident, a car smashed into the barrier with a sheared off tyre. Taking the Hollinwood turning and, with an odd Bug Hotel piece of street furniture in the middle of a roundabout, this brings me to Hollins Lane.

Past The Hideout, a barber's shop extolling 'Do It For The Love, Not For The Likes' and then Inspect A Gadget, it's right onto Oak Road, beyond Limeside Park and the Vestacare Stadium is in sight. Not much parking at the ground so I park on a side street in the housing estate, a curious mix of older, slightly down at heel terraceds and semis, and new builds on Stag Pasture Road.

A fiver at the turnstile takes me into a three and a half sided ground this week. To the right a short covered area in the corner, the roof barely six feet above the ground. A walkway takes me to the top end and this extends to behind the goal before it comes to an abrupt halt - the inaccessible half side. More substantial netting this week compared to Cleator Moor, but there again this is a rugby league stadium....

A strange press box level with the pitch is behind the near goal and then steps lead to the main stand on the far side. Three rows of seats, originally taken from Wilderspool (Warrington RLFC), and several already 'Reserved For Bradford Bulls Director' ahead of tomorrow's Roughyeds encounter with the Bulls. One suspects that today's crowd of 74 will be eclipsed at least tenfold by tomorrow's !

Avro are in blue and black stripes, Barnton in change orange with sky blue trim. The announcer insists on calling the visitors Barton and informs us this is, in fact, an FA Cup match - get a grip man !!!

A perfect 4G AstroTurf pitch, so much better than the 3G one at Lower Breck, and the match is underway as the sun comes out after a brief rain shower. Two bookings in the first three minutes and then on 7 minutes the Villagers' Steve Warburton is played through and tugged back. As last man a straight red card follows for Daniel Grimshaw and Avro will have to play 83 minutes a man down.

However they do take the lead on the quarter hour. Barnton stopper Aaron Lyons fumbles a corner and Sam Rathbone scores easily; the announcer gets his name wrong and has to issue a correction at half time.

The Villagers fail to come to terms with the surface or the man advantage, fashioning only one real chance in the first period with Josh Crofts' effort tipped over. Indeed Avro look the more likely, particularly from corners which Barnton seem unable to defend.

Within two minutes of the restart Barnton concede a wretched goal. Playing out from the back, Louis Potts intercepts a sloppy ball and instinctively shoots from 35 yards. A daydreaming Lyons is hopelessly out of position and scrambles embarrassingly; the ball hits the back of the net despite his flailing dive.

The tone is set for the rest of the game: Avro hungrier, a magnificent rearguard action, lovely pass and movement and bombing forward in numbers. Barnton cannot cope and their best chance is a deflected cross cleared off the line by Mike Norton.

Michael Stockdale wastes two clear chances for the home side, Joe Bevan has a goal chalked off slightly harshly for a tug, and The Villagers' Callum Richards is lucky to stay in the pitch, pulling back sub Phil Armstrong when through on goal.

Armstrong has the last laugh though, teed up beautifully by Norton for a sumptuous volley with twelve minutes to play to put Avro three up. It is a lead they comfortably protect to the end, despite the man disadvantage.

Grimmy's Heyday Makes Celtic Cross

And so to deepest darkest West Cumbria and JBV Park on Birks Road in Cleator Moor for the North West Counties Division One North fixture between Cleator Moor Celtic and Prestwich Heys.

Cleator Moor Celtic FC was established in 1909, starting out in the Egremont Divisional League, although a forerunner, Cleator Moor United, won the Cumberland County Cup in the 1903/04 season. The village itself was substantially populated by immigrants from the North Eastern counties of Ireland in the latter half of the nineteenth century, leading to the colloquial title of Little Ireland. In the 1871 census 36% of the local population were recorded as being Irish, which no doubt had a bearing on the origins of the club’s name and emblem.

Celtic reached the First Round of the FA Cup in the 1950/51 season, where they lost 5-0 to Tranmere Rovers in a game played at Workington. The club have also played in the West Cumbria Football League and the Cumberland County League.

In recent years the team have had two spells in the Wearside League – seven seasons from 1988 and rejoining for the 2004/05 campaign. Their best finish turned out to be runners up last season and was followed by a successful application to join the North West Counties League – a journey that will see Celtic travel 4,465 miles for their 19 away games…..in fact it will be more than this after the abortive attempt to play St Helens with the match postponed after the team coach broke down.

The Heys’ origins can be traced to February 9th 1938 when a meeting was called at the Music Room of the Heys Road Boys School with the idea of forming an Old Boys Association - the football arm becoming Heys Old Boys AFC. The Heys gradually progressed through the Bury Amateur League and South East Lancashire League, changing their name to Prestwich Heys AFC in 1964. The team joined the Lancashire Combination for the 1968/69 season.

Thousands flocked to see the Heys play in the FA Amateur Cup, with the victory over Sutton United in 1969 attracting nationwide coverage, coming a week before their opponents were due to meet Leeds United in the FA Cup. Truly the Heys' heyday !!

The club became a founder member of the North West Counties League in 1982 but were demoted to the Manchester League in 1986 due to ground grading issues. Under manager Adie Moran the Heys were champions for three successive seasons between 2005 and 2007. Tragically Moran was killed in a swimming accident in Sri Lanka at the age of 43 in June 2007 which left the club reeling.

After relegation battles, the club renamed the ground to Adie Moran Park in honour of their late manager and in 2016 won the Manchester League Premier Division - thereby returning to the North West Counties Football League after a 30 year absence. An 8^th place finish on their return was followed by third last season and play off elimination by Cammell Laird.

After the embarrassment and triple sending off at Longridge last month, Heys lost at home to Radcliffe Borough in a live BBC streamed FA Cup tie and this is the third of a ridiculous schedule of away matches – Holker Old Boys last Saturday, Carlisle City on Wednesday and Cleator Moor today.

So on a filthy September Saturday morning it's past Cheshire Retreat and onto the M56 and M6 for just under 100 miles of motorway driving. The weather and road conditions are vile with incessant heavy rain, spray and the car trying to aquaplane - but that still doesn't stop some morons from driving without lights.

En route I pass a Bonney Pigeon Transfer Specialist van, several motorway bridges and a lorry trailer skirting with 'CANED' graffiti near Preston and a Land Rover towing a pop up Co-op. This week's car numberplate is W111 SHE - will she, won't she indeed but with no lights and erratic driving 'nuff said I think !!

The weather is at its bleakest at Shap and I'm glad to come off the motorway at Penrith. Signs for Ullswater Steamers and an Alpaca Centre, then beyond Flusco Landfill and hoardings advertising 'Woodlands for Sale'. I bypass Keswick, travelling next to the vast Bassenthwaite lake and, as the rain starts to ease, begin to appreciate the Cumbrian landscape.

I take the Egremont road, through Deanscales and its Old Posting House and then to the Lamplugh Tip - an aptly named disused pub that has been flytipped on..... Then to Rowrah, home of The Stork Hotel, Ennerdale Craft Brewery and, infamously, Cumbrian taxi driver Derrick Bird who went on the rampage killing 12 people and injuring 11 others in one day in July 2010.

Straight through to Arlecdon and The Hound Inn and to Frizington with its pretty coloured houses, Frizington White Star FC on the main street and then Eskett Quarry.

By this time I am following a driver with Manchester plates who is clearly unsure about the roads. When he turns left down a country lane to Cleator Moor I am certain he and his 'navigator' are Prestwich Heys fans - which they are !! The ground is on the right again the Health Centre down a heavily rutted, muddy and puddle strewn track - the Heys team coach, which arrives shortly after, sets down in the altogether much better surfaced and out of bounds NHS car park.

There isn't much to Cleator Moor and most of what there is seems to be closed - both pubs in the village centre are boarded up, and the only signs of activity are at Greggs.

£3 on the gate and inside all the action is on the popular side. There is a 4 step covered terrace which goes all of 10 yards, named Britain's Energy Coast Stand. Next to it, with McGrath Park over the entrance, is the clubhouse and a very noisy bar. Three large windows look out onto the playing surface and these are fully occupied throughout the match – not surprising when you see the view (pictured below).

Behind the stand is housing, chickens squawking in their coops, and across are glorious views of the Cumbrian fells. There is a walkway around the pitch which comes abruptly to an end at each dugout, the end to my left ending in woods, and more housing to the right. The netting and fencing behind the goal to the left is a little optimistic - a club official spends the entire first half retrieving balls from the overgrown wasteland and rough, and not always with success !!

Celtic are naturally in green and white hoops and green shorts, Heys in red shirts and white shorts. The rain has given way to patchy sunshine but the pitch remains greasy underfoot, as the linesman across the way finds out to his cost with a full length dive. The referee books him for simulation .... no I made that last bit up :-)

Celtic look the sharper team to begin with, their young centre forward Callum Birdsall providing a real physical presence and charging down Prestwich keeper Callum Jakovlevs' clearance as the home side go close. Closer still when Brad Tatton's swerving shot just dips too late and clears Jakovlevs' bar.

So it's something of a surprise when Heys take the lead on 26 minutes. A pinpoint cross from Max White is met with a crashing header from Lee Bruce and finds the net through Celtic stopper Craig Rule's legs. Birdsall's header swirling past the post is the best that Cleator Moor can conjure up, and the half ends in niggly fashion.

In the second period the sun disappears and so do Celtic who seem devoid of ideas and, with Birdsall drifting onto the wing, lack a focal attacking point. Lee Grimshaw heads White’s corner high into the net at the near post to double Heys' lead on the hour.

Two minutes later he is played in by Bruce and shoots from an acute angle. Rule saves but the ball spins up and away and trickles in at the far post, part of the net being demolished in the process.

Jakovlevs makes a good save from Stuart Shaw's free kick, diving full length to tip the ball past the post and that is that as far as Celtic pressure is concerned. Grimshaw has the chance for his hat trick in injury time but, to the astonishment of the away contingent in the 103 crowd, slices horribly wide when unmarked from six yards out. But Heys still run out comfortable and worthy 3-0 winners.

BU in Business - Rangers' Side Merely Fowl

And so to Shropshire’s ‘Lake District’ and the historic market town of Ellesmere, nestling in the North West corner of the county. Today’s action is an FA Vase First Qualifying Round tie between Ellesmere Rangers and Birstall United.

The home club in its present form was established in 1969 following a meeting in The Railway pub and was initially known as Railway Rangers; there have been football teams in the town since the early 1900s.

Railway Rangers played in the Oswestry & District League but, after moving headquarters to the Market Hotel, changed name to Ellesmere Rangers FC in 1974. In the first season under their new name promotion to the Shrewsbury & West Shropshire League was achieved.

Rangers moved up to the Shropshire County League in the 1980s and, through winning the league in the 2003/04 season, earnt promotion to Division Two of the West Midlands (Regional) League. Promotions in consecutive seasons saw the club into the Premier Division and as champions in 2009/10 they secured promotion to the Midland Alliance.

Three years later Ellesmere were relegated back to the West Midlands where they remained until being transferred laterally to the North West Counties League Division One South at the end of last season.

Their club nickname is ‘The Meresiders’ referring to The Mere in the centre of Ellesmere, and the club badge depicts a swan to represent an affinity with the large number of these birds and the waterfowl that inhabit the local waterways.

Birstall United FC was established in 1961, playing Sunday League football in the Leicester & District League. After winning three championships Birstall switched to Saturday football and Division Five of the Leicester Mutual League.

BU rose quickly to the top tier and following a third Division One title in 1975/76 took their place in the Leicestershire Senior League Division Two. United won the title in their first season and stayed in Division One, latterly the Premier Division, for 39 years before being crowned champions in 2016.

This saw the club promoted to the East Midlands Counties League where they resided for two campaigns, with BU transferred to Division One of the United Counties League in the close season.

So on a glorious September Saturday afternoon it's past Totty Towers, a hand written sign pointing to Katy and George's Wedding in Bowdon and down to the M56. The motorway is clogged with caravans and police cars dealing with a smash on the opposite side, the car pointing in the wrong direction.

Wind turbines and Stanlow oil refinery softly belching out fumes, then the M53 and into Wales, and an old red London bus displaying 138 Streatham. This week's weird car registration plate, spotted on a Range Rover, is SO05 AGE......

Then Cinders Fancy Chicks and The Cross Foxes, both in Erbistock, and another hand written sign '25th Party' in Knolton. Back into England and Shropshire at The Trotting Mare before I reach Ellesmere and a detour to see The Mere on a perfect day for boating.

Through the pretty market town and Beech Grove is on the road out to Oswestry; fortunately there are two signs directing me to Ellesmere Rangers FC, but I still miss it on the first drive through. That's because the ground is smack bang in the middle of a housing estate via a ginnel barely wide enough for a car, and far too narrow for the Birstall team coach which is parked on a side street.

A fiver in, straight to a smart clubhouse, deck chairs outside for drinkers to lap up the sun. Three sides of the ground are surrounded by hedges and housing, the other playing fields and then farmland.
The near side supports a 93 seat covered stand, a real sun trap today. The rest of the stadium has a single railing and walkway around the pitch. There are several shipping containers dotted around the periphery of the pitch, a roller and, in the corner, two abandoned dugouts....

The Meresiders are in sky blue shirts and navy shorts and socks, BU in red with white flashing and grey trim. The first half is scrappy and littered with free kicks and lost balls, and ends up being the tale of two volleys. Rangers' Anwar Olugbon sends in a great cross and the cushioned volley that meets it skims the bar. Shortly after a headed clearance at the other end leads to BU's James Pearce volleying the falling ball into the bottom left corner to give United the lead on the half hour.

The second half can only be an improvement and so it proves. Birstall sub Josh Clarke drifts in from the right touch line, beats four men and shoots with his left foot low past the keeper for BU to double their lead on 50 minutes.

Eight minutes later Ethan Bibby launches one from 25 yards and it sails into the top corner for a wonder goal, and the tie is over. Ellesmere are wretched, epitomized by Olugbon's shot from the corner of the six yard box that is so wildly shanked it runs out of play closer to the half way line than the goal !! His team mate Patrick Udoh loses the plot and threatens to start shooting the opposition, and not in a footballing sense.....

Ryan Rowley wraps things up with six minutes to go from a fabulous team move, latching onto a series of one twos and steering the ball home. The underemployed BU stopper, Brad Jones, finally makes a save in injury time clawing away an Olugbon shot, after dropping the ball at a corner.

4-0 at the finish to Birstall, and much joy amongst the travelling support in a crowd of 63 - that four hour round trip was worth it !!