Bucks Fizz, Jamie Makes Hay and West End OKay

And so, on the final day of the North West Counties Football League season, it's a trip to the Delta Taxis Stadium for the Premier Division clash between Bootle FC and West Didsbury & Chorlton AFC.

The original Bootle FC was formed in 1879 and played its first fixture in 1880. The club were Everton FC's main rivals and competed with them for a prestigious place in the newly formed Football League. The Bucks narrowly lost out as only one club per area was permitted to join.

In 1889 the club became founder members of the Football Alliance, finishing runners up and FA Cup quarter finalists. The Football Alliance then became the Football League Second Division with Bootle finishing a respectable 8th but resigned due to ongoing financial problems - ironically being replaced by Liverpool FC - and then folded.

The club was resurrected after World War II and joined the Lancashire Combination in 1948. The Bucks decided not to sign Bert Trautmann, apparently not wanting to cause upset because of local war feelings, and he joined St Helens and moved on to bigger and better things. The club won the league at the first attempt but struggled in the top flight, before resigning and folding during the 1953/54 campaign.

In 1953 the current club was formed as Langton FC, playing in local Bootle leagues then the Liverpool County Combination. Twenty years on there was a successful request to change name to the latest incarnation of Bootle FC.

A year later the Bucks joined the Lancashire Combination and after two championship successes left to enter the Cheshire County League. In 1982 the Cheshire County League was one of the leagues merged to form the North West Counties Football League with Bootle FC a founder member.

After relegation to the Second Division, in 2002 the club dropped back into the Liverpool County Combination as Bucks Park on Copy Lane closed its doors for the last time. Four years later with a new ground, New Bucks Park at Vesty Road (now sponsored by Delta Taxis), the Bucks were re-elected to the NWCFL and promoted as champions to the top tier in 2009 - a third place finish being their best performance since.

West Didsbury & Chorlton AFC, the visitors from Brookburn Road, was formed in 1908 in West Didsbury as Christ Church AFC by a local Sunday School superintendent - a team formed out of the Boys Brigade Company and the Young Men's Bible Class. The side played in the Manchester Alliance League up to the outbreak of World War 1.

The team changed its name to West Didsbury AFC at the start of the 1920/21 season, entering the Lancashire & Cheshire League. The 'Bury won the Rhodes Cup, twice, and the Whitehead Cup, but never the league.

In 2003 the club renamed to West Didsbury & Chorlton AFC, and moved across to the Manchester League in 2006, with their 2012/13 application to join the North West Counties being accepted. In their first season 'West' finished third and were promoted to the Premier, as now defunct title winners Formby AFC failed ground grading criteria.

The club enjoys celebrity support, including local indie rock band Dutch Uncles who launched their album O Shudder at a game in 2014 (still never heard of them !!). They also form part of the club's Krombacher Ultras, named after the lager sold in the clubhouse.... 

And so on a cloudy, breezy afternoon it's on to Manchester Road, past the carved wooden eagle at Altrincham Dental Practice, the Wheatsheaf pub (surprisingly closed) and Champz Bar (unsurprisingly still closed !) to the new M6 / M56 link road.

It's motorways all the way from here - the M6 and a becalmed Thelwall viaduct, the M62 and a quiet IKEA and miles and miles of massive warehouses, and the M57 and its elephant signs for Knowsley Safari Park. The end of the motorway sees 'PIES MUSIC OUT SOON' graffiti, now rather out of date, and Switch Island. Avoiding the signs for nearby Aintree racecourse, past Copy Lane police station then a left on to Park Lane, right into Bridle Street and left into Vesty Business Park.

This brings me to the Delta Taxis Stadium, a football ground with its own wind turbine - much in keeping with the spinning wheels on the roofs of the other industrial units. Inside New Bucks Park to my left are two seated areas, one white and one blue, bisected by the entrance to a busy clubhouse. Further up is a cosy covered (bus) shelter.

To the right is a refreshment bar, Frankie Andys, next to the Dodge Kop, a two step covered concrete terrace with four benches and festooned in flags - 'We Are The Bucks', others honouring players (Cox, Liam Loughlin, Muff) and joined by two from West Didsbury & Chorlton. From the roof hangs a banner 'Nice 1 Jamie'.

On the opposite side are the dugouts and two mini all weather pitches while the far end holds a small grass warm up area. The pitch is bumpy and bare in places and after the incident involving a player's credit card on the field at Barnoldswick, this week a player's car keys are found on the grass......

The Bucks are in blue and yellow, West in white and black. Before kick off there is a guard of honour and round of applause - after a 17 year association with Bootle FC, over 450 matches and more than 100 goals local hero Jamie Hay hangs up his boots today. Fittingly he is given the captain's armband for his final appearance.

In the opening minutes it's all West, with Matty Kay and Ben Steer having efforts just wide and Ash Woods has a shot cleared off the line. The Bucks can only manage a Carl Peers effort straight down 'Bury keeper Aaron Ashley's throat.

Finally just beyond the half hour Steer puts West ahead, fortuitously getting a second chance, steering (!) the ball into the left hand corner of the net. Bootle respond and a ball whipped into the box appears to evade everybody - Liam Loughlin credited with the equaliser.

Shortly after Ashley palms away a long range strike, when he should have done better, and Hay thrashes the rebound home as the stadium erupts. West go straight down the other end and Kay drives home from the edge of the area, low and hard beyond Ryan Jones, for 2-2 at the interval. Four goals in eight minutes and 'I've seen less attempts on goal in a penalty shoot out - and it's only half time !!'

The second period sees the home side take control and after a lovely Peers flick on, Ryan Cox lays the ball off for Hay to superbly curl the ball in from 20 yards. Within minutes Hay's majestic header crashes against the crossbar, and Ashley tips aside Joel Powell's close range effort before producing a magnificent double save to deny Peers.

The Bucks are rampant but surprisingly West get back into the match with a dubious penalty awarded for handball. Kay sends Jones the wrong way to level it up at 3-3 just after the hour. Ten minutes on Woods slices home after some wonderful play from sub Carlos Mendes Gomes and Kay - the finish not quite matching the build up !!

Ashley sensationally denies Cox in a one on one, and then Kay slots home his hat trick after another fine team move – and the six West supporters go wild in the bus shelter !! He is denied a fourth from a free kick as Jones tips his effort over.

The final moments of the match and the ball is played across West's box just too far ahead of Hay, looking for his hat rick - that really would have brought the house/ wind turbine down !! 5-3 to 'Bury at the finish in a fabulous advert for Step 5 football, with Bootle finishing as runners up to Atherton Collieries, and West a best ever sixth.

Barlicked and Saul Destroyed

And so finally, at the sixth time of asking, a visit to The Silentnight Stadium, with today's North West Counties match between Barnoldswick Town and West Didsbury & Chorlton going ahead.

The original Barnoldswick Town joined the Lancashire Combination in 1924, but after finishing bottom in 1932/33 and 1933/34 they left the league. Town joined the Yorkshire League in 1935 but this lasted only a single season and the club subsequently folded.

The modern club was established in 1972 as Barnoldswick United (1972) starting in the Craven and District League. 'Barlick' moved to the East Lancashire League in the early 1990s, then the West Lancashire League in 1997.

In 2003 the club absorbed Barnoldswick Park Rovers and Salterforth Juniors, and was renamed Barnoldswick Town FC. Six years later 'Town' was accepted into the North West Counties Football League Division One, and promoted to the Premier as runners up in their first season. Here they have stayed despite several relegation battles but survival has been achieved comfortably this season, with the bonus of reaching the Macron Cup final.

West Didsbury & Chorlton AFC, the visitors from Brookburn Road, was formed in 1908 in West Didsbury as Christ Church AFC by a local Sunday School superintendent - a team formed out of the Boys Brigade Company and the Young Men's Bible Class. The side played in the Manchester Alliance League up to the outbreak of World War 1.

The team changed its name to West Didsbury AFC at the start of the 1920/21 season, entering the Lancashire & Cheshire League. The 'Bury won the Rhodes Cup, twice, and the Whitehead Cup, but never the league.

In 2003 the club changed to West Didsbury & Chorlton AFC, and moved across to the Manchester League in 2006, with their 2012/13 application to join the North West Counties being accepted. In their first season 'West' finished third and were promoted to the Premier, as now defunct title winners Formby AFC failed ground grading criteria.

The club enjoys celebrity support, including local indie rock band Dutch Uncles who launched their album O Shudder at a game in 2014 (no, never heard of them !!). They also form part of the club's Krombacher Ultras, named after the lager sold in the clubhouse.... And popularity is rising with a record crowd of 674 for the South Manchester Derby against Maine Road on 27 December last year.

And so on a blustery, cloudy Easter Saturday on to Manchester Road, where Frickin Chicken at the Old Pelican gives way to the Flamin' Chicken then Skullfades Barbershop before reaching T & T Pound Plus....... ELCTRICAL and TOILETORIES have now been joined by a To Let sign.....

Then the M60 Smart Motorway, where 843 cars have run out of fuel since the project started and the only sign of work is one abandoned hi vis jacket..... Barton Bridge inevitably means tailbacks for the Trafford Centre, accidents and, more improbably, overtaking a Birdman Parrot Rescue van !

Then the M66 and its wind turbines in the distance before, with the thermometer plunging from 14° to 7° and street lights on at five to two, reaching the M65 flanked by rows and rows and rows of terraced houses. Vivary Way and Colne, the home of queues, never fails to disappoint and after Storm Hand Car Wash it's into Foulridge, beyond the Four Elephants Indian restaurant and The Old Stone Trough pub, staying in the 'Palatinate of Lancashire' to reach Salterforth.

It's straight on into Barnoldswick, a town dominated by the two major local employers, Silentnight and Rolls Royce. Past Tilltots Perfectly Mad Emporium and Handbags & Gladrags to Gisburn Road, then into Greenberfield Lane, a farm track wide enough for one vehicle only (as I find out later !!) Then into West Close Road and the Silentnight Stadium, originally a grazing meadow for cattle.

I enter the ground at the Sewer End (yes and there's a sign and flag to prove it !!), which hosts the changing rooms, clubhouse and the main all seated covered stand which is split into three separate sections. Behind is the car park, allotments and West Close Farm - but no obvious sewer !

The near side has hard standing and a small, four step covered terrace mid way down. The far side, The Exposed Side, adjoins Barnoldswick Cricket Club and warns us not to stand on the grass banks, but these are just compacted soil mounds with even the weeds struggling to gain a foothold... The top end is the shallowest behind goal area I have ever seen, allowing for standing room one deep - the wall forming the boundary of the detached house which overlooks the pitch.

Barlick are in blue with yellow and their keeper, Jordan Gidley, in all grey topped off with a hideous neck tattoo. West are in white and black.

West's first chance, a 45 yard attempted lob by Matty Kay that barely rises above the ground sums up their first half. Indeed it's all Barlick as centre forward Aaron Hollindrake's volley strikes Kev McGrath but claims for a penalty are denied. West are visibly affected by a serious injury to Nic Evangelinos who leaves the field of play with a dislocated shoulder.

Shortly after a credit card is retrieved from the pitch - which belongs to West's centre half Anthony Potts (how ? why ?) - a move down the right ends with John Beckwith squaring for Aurelian Gohoreanu to smash home with his left foot.

Barlick lead 1-0 on the half hour and it then becomes the battle of the two Aarons. Barlick's Hollindrake has three opportunities to beat West keeper Aaron Ashley, but each time the stopper comes out on top, the last a fabulous double save.

Barlick will rue those wasted chances at the Sewer End, as the second half is a completely different affair. Within two minutes sub Ben Steer plays in Saul Henderson who caresses the ball past Gidley into the corner of the net.

Seven minutes later, following a melee from a corner, Henderson's effort is diverted off the line by the defender performing his best Lev Yashin impression. Penalty but incredibly no card; Kay squeezes home the spot kick and West lead.

A third goal is not long in coming. Steer latches onto a through ball, Gidley saves but from the rebound Henderson scores from a tight angle. Steer is again denied by Gidley and then passes when he should have shot, but 'Bury comfortably ease to the 3-1 win in a real game of two halves - the second of which Barlick didn't turn up for.

Morning Glory For Red Army As Seagulls Fail To Swoop And Conquer

And so to Holt House on a glorious sun drenched spring afternoon for an Evo Stik Northern Premier League Division One North match between Colne FC and Colwyn Bay.

Colne FC's history begins with The Colne Dynamoes Debacle. The Dynamoes were formed by chairman manager Graham 'Chalkie' White in 1963 as a team for former students of Primet High School. Initially the club played in the Nelson and Colne League and, after promotion through the local leagues, joined the Lancashire Combination in 1975.

 

The Dynamoes were founder members of the North West Counties Football League in 1982, winning the Third Division at the first attempt. White, having made millions from his businesses, began to plough money into the club and at the end of the 1987/88 season the club was elevated to the First Division.

 

In the following term the Dynamoes won the championship on goal difference from Rossendale United, and captured the FA Vase beating Emley 1-0 in the Wembley final. The club was promoted to the First Division of the Northern Premier League and with further bankrolling from White, including signing former Liverpool player Alan Kennedy, the Dynamoes won the First Division with only a single defeat during the season.

 

In the summer of 1989 the club went full time, and they won the Premier Division by a margin of 26 points and reached the FA Trophy semi finals. However the Dynamoes were refused promotion to the Conference as Holt House did not meet ground grading requirements. White attempted a ground share with Burnley, reportedly offering £500,000 to play at Turf Moor, but was turned down.

 

After a pre season friendly against Newcastle Blue Star in the summer of 1990, White informed the players that the club was to fold. He quit football amidst rumours of death threats and that the money had run out, with Holt House used by the Colne Royal British Legion club until it too fell by the wayside in 1995.

 

Colne FC, 'The Reds', was established in January 1996 and joined the North West Counties Football League Division Two, finishing bottom of the league. After several lower half finishes the Reds won the division in the 2003/04 season, earning promotion to the top division and reaching the FA Vase semi finals, along the way winning 2-1 at AFC Wimbledon. Last season Colne were crowned Premier Division champions, leading to a first season in Division One North of the Northern Premier League.

The visitors from Llanelian Road are Clwb Pel-Droed Bae Colwyn, or Colwyn Bay Football Club to you and me. The Seagulls from Old Colwyn were first formed in 1881 and entered the North Wales Coast Football League in 1901 until it folded in 1921, when they moved across to join the Welsh National League. The club then became founder members in 1930 of the North Wales Football Combination (which also covered Cheshire !!) which they immediately won and moved up to join the Birmingham District League....

 

The Seagulls returned to Welsh football in 1937 in the form of the Welsh League (North) because of travelling difficulties and stayed there until 1984 when after two successive championships they joined the North West Counties Football League. This coincided with a move from Eirias Park to the current Llanelian Road base.

 

In 1991 the club was promoted to the Northern Premier League and then won the First Division in 1992. However the Football Association of Wales banned Welsh based teams from playing in English non-league, and the Bay were exiled to Northwich and then Ellesmere Port, before winning a High Court case in 1995 and returning home.

 

After relegation in 2003, and a brief sojourn in the Southern (!) section of the Northern Premier League Division 1, the Seagulls won the play off final in 2010. They beat Lancaster City, who finished 21 points above them, at the Giant Axe with an 88th minute penalty, delayed for a minute whilst the penalty spot was swept clear of standing water. Back to back promotions up to the Conference North were achieved with a 1-0 play off final victory over FC United of Manchester in 2011.

 

The last two seasons have seen consecutive relegations. The first from the Conference North in 2015 on goal difference, with the Bay's form disappearing after the resignation of player/manager Frank Sinclair in January. The second, last year, an abject surrender involving two sacked managers and 58 players. This term has been one of underwhelming non-achievement too with the pre season promotion favourites languishing in mid table mediocrity and another managerial change - Phil Hadland, a teacher at Lymm High School, now at the helm.

Blue skies and warm sunshine greets me as I pass the bizarre bazaar of shops on potholed Washway Road - to name a few : Skullfades Barbershop, Tan n Tonic, Felicity Hat Hire and the truly execrable T & T Pound Zone. Any shop with a printed sign telling us that it sells 'ELCTRICAL, TOILETORIES, STATIONARY' is surely one to avoid.....

 

To the seemingly never ending work on the Smart Motorway, with February's toll 29 vehicles that ran out of fuel. An abundance of kamikaze white van men, and then the M66, the hills blighted by wind turbines before hitting Baxenden, 'The Home of Accrington Pals'. Onto the M65 next to the sign for Shuttlewoof Hall and off at its end into Colne, home of the bottleneck and that queue......

 

Along Vivary Way then up the hill on Harrison Drive brings me to the Holt House complex, 4 football and 2 rugby pitches, a pavilion, Ruck and Roll Cafe (sic), and Colne & Nelson RFC on one side of the car park, Colne FC on the other.

 

Inside the ground at one end is The Nigel Coates Stand, a four step covered concrete terrace named in honour of the Reds' manager from 2003 to 2013. It's also the home of the Red Army, Colne FC's ultras and their flags 'Pride of the North', who provide vociferous support throughout the game - and chant about an improbable rise up to the Football League.

 

In the corner is a refreshment hut, behind which sheep are grazing in the fields, then down the popular side is a small covered area with the rest and the far end being open - both providing lovely views with the backdrop of Colne in the valley beneath the countryside and hills. The far side hosts the main grandstand, clubhouse, The Alma Inn Vice Presidents Lounge and changing rooms.

 

But the most striking feature at Holt House is the pitch which runs away with itself - a steep slope down from the Nigel Coates Stand and another diagonally down from the refreshment bar. Little wonder there are no spectators at the far end trying to watch the match - with all that going on, a dizzying experience !!

And so to a match sponsored by a new born baby (yes really !!), a tattooed linesman and a very rotund Seagulls' assistant manager, Dave Hughes. Colne are in red shirts and black shorts, Colwyn Bay in change yellow and pale blue.

 

Early on a miscue by Seagulls' Luke Denson ricochets off Colne's centre forward Oliver Wood and Bay's keeper Kieran Wolland has to palm the ball over his bar. Shortly after Seagulls' Danny Andrews is allowed to advance and advance without challenge and he then plays in Danny Bartle whose mishit shot is enough to beat Reds' custodian Greg Hartley.

 

Colne's captain, Simon Nangle, launches himself into a truly atrocious two footed lunge that earns him a yellow card but warrants a red - the first in a long line of shocking officiating decisions. He is substituted on the half hour just after Hartley has beaten away a stinging drive from Bartle, played in by Jamie Rainford.

 

A free header by Wood from a long throw in that drifts wide is Colne's best chance, whilst in first half injury time Bartle sets up Rainford and his shot is splendidly tipped past the post by Hartley - but the Seagulls deservedly lead at the break.

 

Within 90 seconds of the restart the Reds are level. Adam Morning makes best use of a little space to arrow in, with his left foot, a 25 yard shot that Wolland gets two hands to but can only divert into the corner of the net. Bay are struggling against the slope(s) and it is now Colne in the ascendancy.

 

Midway through the half Morning picks up the ball on the right wing and with no challenge moves inside beyond three defenders before striking the ball low into the corner to put Colne ahead. Infamous sub Jason Hart (sacked by his previous club Clitheroe for shenanigans in a dugout at Mossley after a match) nearly makes it three but Wolland saves well; Rainford fires wildly wide inside the penalty box just before the death with the Seagulls' best chance of the half.

 

2-1 at the finish for the home side, which sees Colne move into the play offs zone - but the real winner was the slopes J

Hillmen Kick In The Gooleys - Vikings Vanquished

And so to the High Peak, and the Arthur Goldthorpe Stadium on Surrey Street in Glossop for an Evo Stik Northern Premier Division One North fixture between Glossop North End and Goole AFC.

Glossop North End AFC was founded in 1886, joining the North Cheshire League in 1890 before moving to the Combination in 1894 and turning professional. The Hillmen then played in the Midland League for two seasons before being elected to the Second Division of the Football League in 1898.

 

In their inaugural League season GNE finished as runners up to Manchester City and earnt promotion to the First Division. In so doing Glossop became the smallest town to support a Football League club, although this has now been supplanted by Rushden & Diamonds and Fleetwood Town. However Glossop remains the smallest town whose team has played in the English top flight.

 

The club changed name to Glossop AFC to avoid any confusion with Preston North End, but their brief stay in the First Division lasted only the one season. It was followed by 15 seasons in the Second Division as perennial strugglers with the side finishing bottom and failing to gain re-election before the War intervened.

 

Glossop AFC was reformed towards the end of the War by Oswald Partington, spending one season in the Lancashire Combination then joining the Manchester League. The Hillmen won the Manchester League in 1927/28 and moved to their current ground in Surrey Street in 1955 largely due to the beneficence of Club President Arnold Goldthorpe - and 62 years later the stadium is still named in his honour.

 

The club became a founder member of the Cheshire County League for the 1978/79 campaign, and, after promotion to Division 1 in 1981, was a founding member of the North West Counties Football League in 1982. The team almost folded in 1990 after the chairman sold the ground to the local council and left the club with large debts.

 

Two years later the Hillman were promoted to Division One and reinstated the suffix to become Glossop North End once more. Some cup success arrived in the intervening years, but GNE struggled to avoid relegation for several seasons.

 

In the 2008/09 season they reached the final of the FA Vase where they lost 2-0 to Whitley Bay at Wembley Stadium. But better was to come, with the 2014/15 season the most successful in the club's history - winning the North West Counties Premier to gain promotion to the Northern Premier League, and again reaching the FA Vase final at Wembley losing 2-1 to North Shields after extra time.

Goole Town FC was founded in 1912, entering the Midland Football League. The club was resurrected as Goole Shipyards FC after World War One, joining the new Yorkshire Football League and reverting back to Goole Town in 1924. The club was Yorkshire Football League champions three times, the last of which prompted a return to the Midland Football League in 1948.

Town was a founder member of the Northern Premier League in 1968, but the club was disbanded at the end of the 1995/96 season due to financial difficulties.

Goole AFC, 'The Vikings', was formed in 1997 playing at the ageing Victoria Pleasure Grounds. The new club started life in the Central Midlands League before moving sideways to the Northern Counties Eastern League.

As champions in 2005 the Vikings ascended to the Northern Premier League Division One North where they have remained. An application to change name to Goole Town FC was refused by the West Riding FA in 2006, and the club went into administration two years later.

However the Vikings' five minutes of infamy came in January 2014 when, in a home match against Coalville, captain Karl Colley attempted to confront and punch a fan three times in the stand after receiving a red card. He was sacked later that day - the incident occurring 19 years to the day since Eric Cantona's kung fu attack on a Crystal Palace fan at Selhurst Park…..

 

So, in a week when Metrostink chief Peter Cushing (you couldn't make it up !!) calls time on his four year reign at the Tram-mer House of Horror, it's a relatively untroubled journey into Manchester. Then it's Northern Fail, through the bleak Mancunian environs of Ardwick, Ashburys and Gorton and reaching the misnomer of Flowery Field - no flowers, no fields, just overgrown brambles amidst rubbish strewn weeds..... Then (Un)Godley before the landscape changes to reveal glorious countryside views from the viaduct between Broadbottom and Dinting.

Dinting's triangular station is brightened up by ceramic paintings on the platforms - but no substitute for the Dinting Railway Centre which departed (to Keighley of all places) in 1991. Glossop, 'Gateway to the Dark Peak' is the next stop.

A gentle meander through the market town reveals a bizarre bazaar of shops - Headzaklys (barbers), Snobby Dogs (grooming parlour), the Wren's Nest (pub), a proliferation of pound and charity shops, several closed hostelries and a Greggs that has run out of food !! The walk up to the stadium used to be dominated by the eyesore of Glossop - the 250 foot Ferro Alloys chimney formerly spewing out sulphur dioxide (see below – football club just visible to the left) - but it has been torn down and replaced by a building site for affordable housing.

Inside the ground one end, The Chimney End, houses a busy clubhouse and covered terracing signposted 'The Trenches'. In the corner are several ramshackle garages and sheds next to the main seated stand, which is showing its age, and for some unknown reason is known as 'The Prawn Cocktail Stand'.

A walkway and metal railing surrounds the rest of the pitch with the far end, 'The Chicken Shack End', displaying an incongruous 'No Ball Games' sign - the omens are not looking good... The near side has a Press Box, from where Hillmen Radio are broadcasting and further three step covered terracing. Moving round is a serene and pleasant view of Glossop with a panoramic backdrop of the hills, Kinder Scout and the Snake Pass in the distance.

The Hillmen, currently sitting in the play offs zone but with a threadbare squad only able to name three substitutes, are in blue with a white stripe. The Vikings, next to bottom (not much pleasure at the Victoria Pleasure Grounds this season then !!) are in red and black on a pitch that is a combination of sheet mud and a rutted sand pit - hardly conducive to attractive football....

And the first half is one of no/ low quality; Hillmen's captain Mike Norton's header straight at the Vikings' keeper Thomas Beaurepaire early on proving to be a false dawn. Goole have set their stall out to frustrate GNE and the game is scrappy and tetchy - and also mighty frustrating to watch !!

There is a five minute purple patch when the Hillmen string together a few passes and create chances - Max Leonard and Ben Richardson, via a deflection, are both just wide and Lee Rick shoots over. Glossop also have two goals disallowed, with the Vikings only mustering two long range Bobby Johnson efforts in response.

Half time sees several skeins of geese skirt the ground in classic V formation, and the second period has Leonard adopting a shoot on sight policy. He scores a worldy, a 40 yard volley that dips over Beaurepaire and a goal that the game doesn't deserve - and typically it is ruled out for an earlier infringement..... Shortly after, part of the Press Box behind us is demolished by a stray clearance - much more in keeping with the game !!

The Vikings start to grow into the game and their best chance drifts agonisingly wide. With the game destined to finish goalless and ten minutes on the clock, Rick deceives his man and crosses hard and low. Beaurepaire gathers then fumbles and spills the ball, and sub Dale Johnson scores, at the second attempt, in the subsequent melee.

Shortly after the Hillmen make their final two substitutions and, with their first touches, Nicky Platt lofts the ball over the Goole back line and Karl Jones hits home with an emphatic finish to the bottom corner.

Platt is denied a third Hillmen goal in added on time thanks to an instinctive boot from Beaurepaire, partially repairing his reputation.... 2-0 at the death for GNE, and the Vikings' substitute Adam Porritt is sent off after the final whistle for foul and abusive language - silly boy !!!

Tigers Find Their Teeth, Celts Roar Back And No Hydeing Place For Red Card Trio...

And so to Ewen Fields for the game of the day in the Evostik Northern Premier League Division One North - Hyde United, six wins and three draws in their last ten games, against Farsley Celtic, eight wins and a draw in their last ten.

Hyde FC was founded in July 1885 at the town's White Lion pub and, after competing in the Lancashire Combination and losing 26-0 to Preston North End in an FA Cup first round tie in 1887, folded in 1917 due to 'war reaction'.

 

Hyde United was formed in 1919 after demands for a football club to be re-established by two groups, the Forty Gang and the Discharged Soldiers and Sailors. After one season in the Lancashire and Cheshire Federation, the Tigers joined the Manchester League which they won 5 times before moving to the Cheshire League.

 

Twice champions in the 1950s, United became founder members of the Northern Premier League in 1968 but reverted back to the Cheshire League in 1970 because of excessive traveling costs. The club returned to the Northern Premier in 1982 after sweeping the Cheshire League board.

 

The Tigers won the 2005 Northern Premier League title controversially - the title originally awarded to today's visitors, Farsley Celtic, after the expunging of the insolvent Spennymoor United's results. On appeal the decision was overturned and Hyde United were crowned champions, moving to the Conference North. Their first season in the Conference North saw the club finish 20th, and the Tigers were only reprieved from relegation as Kings Lynn were demoted for failing ground grading standards.

 

On 24 September 2009 Hyde United was wound up by HM Revenue & Customs but, after a major fundraising effort over the next few days, an appeal was lodged and on 30 September the original winding up order was reversed.

 

Before the 2010/11 season the club changed its name to Hyde FC, Ewen Fields underwent a complete makeover, with the ground going from red to blue, and the team's colours switched to white shirts and blue shorts - all as part of a 5 year sponsorship deal with Manchester City.

 

In 2012 Hyde were promoted as Conference North champions but after a two season stay, culminating in one league win all season and a miserable 10 points, relegation inevitably beckoned. This was the first of three successive demotions, leaving the club in the Northern Premier Division One North.

 

The team's name reverted back to Hyde United in 2015 after the sponsorship deal with Manchester City ended, and the club was taken over by Hyde United Supporters Club.

Farsley Celtic AFC was founded in 1908 with The Villagers or Celts playing in local leagues up to 1949, when they moved into the Yorkshire League, having acquired their ground at Throstle Nest. The club then became founder members of the Northern Counties East League in 1982.

 

Two promotions in three seasons saw the Celts reach the Northern Premier League in 1987, with promotion to the Conference North arriving in 2006. In their inaugural season the Villagers reached the play offs and, after beating the now defunct Hinckley United 4-3 in a rollercoaster final, rise to the Conference National.

 

Sadly the dream lasted only one season with an immediate return to the Conference North. Worse was to follow as the club was issued with a winding up order, went into administration on 30 June 2009 and was expelled from the league three days later. The decision was reversed a week later, and the Celts started the season on -10 points. The club then folded in March 2010 and their league record was deleted.

 

Farsley FC was formed in June 2010 from the embers of Farsley Celtic AFC and the reformed club was placed in the Northern Counties East League whereupon the club immediately won league and cup double to reach the Northern Premier League Division One North. The Villagers were allowed to add the Celtic suffix to become Farsley Celtic FC (FCFC) in 2015.

And so after a morning undertaking disaster recovery work (insert your own joke) across the way from the Crystal Methodists' pyramid in Stockport and then back in Manchester, a real disaster - and Metrostink can always be relied upon in that department, with this time unconfirmed 'signalling problems' causing major delays.

 

A change of plan, onto Washway Road, past C-lean Eating, Light on the Horizon - offering crystals and candles to solve all those holistic problems - and to the M60. Beyond the pyramid and off at the Denton Rock to join the M67, leaving at junction 3 and into Hyde, past Bake-n Butty and a sign stating 'Don't Blubber Use Firestone Rubber'..... Left at Mottram Road and into a warren of side streets brings me to Ewen Fields.

 

Outside is the Hyde United Social Club, but inside the transformation of the stadium from the Manchester City sponsorship is plain for all to see. Five covered stands - the Main Stand, with the Peter O'Brien Executive Lounge (in honour of the Tigers' all time leading marksman), the Leigh Street Stand, the Tinker's Passage End, the Walker Lane End (the 'baths end') and the Scrattin' Shed (the famous shed end - which is actually a corner!). Plus a brand new Astroturf surface which confuses more than a few seagulls.... On the Leigh Street side there is also the Hyde United Memorial Wall, with plaques commemorating deceased Tigers' devotees.

The Tigers are in traditional red and navy, the Celts in change all yellow with the morning's sunshine having given way to grey cloud - although the neighbouring hills are still visible at both ends. Within two minutes an exquisite back heel from Farsley's Lewis Nightingale sets up Jordan Deacey and he nets comfortably past Tigers' keeper Russ Saunders.

 

The electronic scoreboard refuses to acknowledge the away team's goal for some time, and this is later repeated - but home goals are immediately recorded. Three minutes later a ball over the top plays in James Walshaw, who sidesteps Saunders but is denied a second Celts goal by a tremendous goal line clearance from Harry Coates.

 

The Celts are brimming with confidence and utterly dominant, with some glorious interpassing. Walshaw has another shot saved and you feel it's only a matter of time before they get a second. It doesn't arrive before half time and, indeed, a marauding run from Tigers' left back, James Burke, brings a smart save from Celts' custodian Graeme McKibbin just before the break.

 

Seven minutes into the second period and Farsley's defence, which had looked untroubled, stands and watches as an innocuous free kick is headed across the penalty area for Matthew Beadle to equalise. Three minutes later Tigers' right back, Kyle Harrison, lets fly with a 25 yard half volley that swerves and dips and deceives McKibbin to hit the top corner, and Hyde lead 2-1.

 

On the hour Celtic are awarded a free kick and, in the kerfuffle after, Tigers' Paddy Miller kicks out at Deacey and is shown a straight red card. The ball is delivered into the box and amidst the melee Walshaw's high kick is into Saunders' chest, and Farsley's leading scorer is also given a straight red.

 

Celts' left back Chris Howarth evens matters up on 68 minutes, cutting in from the penalty area and curling the ball gorgeously into the far corner. But the Tigers, backed by magnificent vocal support from the Scrattin' Shed, retake the lead four minutes afterwards - good work from Chris Sutherland on the wing and he lays it on a plate for Janni Lipka to pass the ball into the net.

 

3-2 to the Tigers and it stays this way until 6 minutes to go. Then Celts' irascible midfielder Ross Daly shoots from distance and the ball is deemed to have hit Blake's hand. The result is a second yellow for United's left back and a penalty which Richard Marshall converts beyond a shellshocked Saunders.

 

Three minutes later fabulous trickery from Nightingale as he squares the ball for Aiden Savory to tuck home; 4-3 to the Celts and the Farsley bench erupts ! In the final minute Sutherland is pulled down on the edge of the box and Tigers' Lawrance Hunter scores with a quite magnificent free kick into the top corner. 4-4 as the Hyde bench erupts – plus one very overworked scoreboard operator !!

 

Five minutes of added time, the first of which sees the Celts win a corner. Nightingale's delivery causes confusion and, with Hyde lacking bodies in the box, the ball reaches Adam Clayton for a tap in at the far post - 5-4 to Farsley and another eruption from their dugout. One last desperate throw of the dice sees Sutherland fire wide for the Tigers right at the death. Quite, quite breathtaking !!!

When Skies Are Navy Blue....

And so, at the fourth time of asking (waterlogged and frozen pitches and then structural damage caused by Storm Angus), it's a trip to the wonderfully named Cowtoot Lane in Bacup. There stands the Brian Boys West View Stadium, the home of Bacup Borough and the venue for today's North West Counties fixture against Carlisle City.

Bacup Borough began life as Bacup Baldies (!) in 1879 before changing to Bacup then Bacup Borough in 1920. At the start of the 2013/14 campaign they became Bacup & Rossendale Borough, following the sad demise of Rossendale United FC. BARB only lasted two seasons though and the start of last season saw a reversion to Bacup Borough - not through supporter pressure but because 'evil spirits didn't approve' (I kid you not !!).

 

The Borough moved to their current ground, West View, now sponsored by local property developer Brian Boys, in 1889 and joined the Lancashire League in 1893. A move up to the Lancashire Combination in 1903 followed and the club was crowned champions in 1947.

 

Following the amalgamation of the Cheshire League and the Lancashire Combination, the club became founder members of the North West Counties in 1982. In September 1997 and after a 0-10 reverse against Tetley Walker, Brent Peters was appointed manager.... and is still in charge for this afternoon's game.

 

The club were promoted as Division Two champions in 2004 but, despite the BARB club motto of 'Prosperity Through Endeavour', was relegated at the end of the 2014/15 season - those disapproving evil spirits presumably......... Borough just failed to bounce straight back, losing the play off final in extra time at Barnton last May.

Carlisle City FC was formed in 1975 by two former Carlisle United players, George Walker and Ron Thompson, 'to give local lads somewhere to play'. The Sky Blues joined the Northern Alliance and were runners up three times before finishing bottom of the league in 1987, and dropping into  the Northern Combination. At the end of the following season, the Northern Combination merged with the Northern Alliance and City became founder members of the new Division One.

 

As champions in 1992, the club was promoted to the Premier Division where they were runners up on five occasions. Having finished third last season their application to join the North West Counties Football League was successful. This was not least because they had taken over the lease at Gillford Park in the city in 2015 from Celtic Nation FC. (Yes that Celtic Nation - millionaire throws money at the club to buy promotion, club finish second, millionaire withdraws support, club goes bust: all in two years)

Onto Washway Road, past Cinders Fireplaces, Red Hot Lips, Maidments - and their ludicrous Serious Crime Solicitors strapline - and Garveys still with their Christmas karaoke..... Then the M60 'smart' motorway, with just the 30 vehicles running out of fuel in December, and Sale Sharks traffic snarling up Barton Bridge and the Trafford Centre.

 

Off at the M66 with the hills shrouded in low grey cloud, blotting out the wind turbines before I reach Rawtenstall, the terminus of the East Lancashire Railway, and home to several mills and even more shoe factory shops.

 

Into Waterfoot, where appropriately it begins to drizzle, and naturally there is a Waterfoot Aquatics - but also The Raven's Nest, a tattoo parlour. Beyond Stacksteads and then to Bacup, up Cooper Street, its steep gradient surely making it a candidate for Heart Attack Hill, which brings me to Cowtoot Lane.

 

West View is, to put it mildly, a ramshackle stadium. Two sides are completely fenced off presumably due to safety reasons - the covered far end behind the goal and the stand opposite where a dry stone wall separates the ground from the farmland and hills. A picturesque view on a glorious sunny day but alas today is grey, bleak and unremittingly cold.....

 

On the popular side is the main stand, which apparently was doing a Mexican Wave during Storm Angus - possibly why only three people take their seats.....The near end supports the Martin Peters Sports Bar, 'The place to be seen', and five portakabins in varying states of decay. There is also a noticeable slope across the pitch, coming down from the hills.

 

Borough are in black and white, and the Sky Blues (sponsored by House of Vodka), inexplicably, in change navy blue... and with no number 4, but 14 instead. The first half hour, on a pudding of a pitch, produces much slipping and sliding with the mud the only winner, and 100mph football combining wayward passing and aimless hoofing. Sky Blues' winger Ryan Errington has two long range efforts and a goal ruled out for offside, whilst Borough's Anthony Hall shoots weakly and has a tame header saved.

 

Then on 32 minutes Borough's keeper Aaron Ashley flails at a cross and City's number 14, Michael Slack, drives the ball across him into the far corner. Three minutes later Jamie Heath's free kick eludes everyone to nestle in the opposite corner and the Sky Blues lead 2-0 at the break.

 

Half time brings us news, via the tubby linesman, that the referee's wife has locked herself out of the house, and will have to make a detour to the dressing room to pick up his key... And an answer as to why City have no number 4 - a fortnight ago Mark Graham broke his tibia and fibula at Widnes, and the shirt is yet to be retrieved from Whiston Hospital.

 

The half time rollicking from Brent Peters has no effect, as within seven minutes the Sky Blues conjure up a wonderful team goal, ending with Brad Hayton slotting past Ashley. A flurry of substitutions follow, with City content to hold on to what they have, and Bacup unable to create any real opportunities.

 

Twelve minutes from the end Borough get a lifeline. Hall's free kick from just outside the penalty box is fumbled by Carlisle keeper Adam Coward and centre forward Adrian Bellamy smashes home the rebound. But that's it for the home team as Steven Cassidy's delicate cross drifts just wide of the post and then Alexander Nwachukusa's free header is planted over as the Sky Blues emerge as 3-1 victors.

West Undermined By Atherton Collieries !

 And so to Alder House, or the Kensite Stadium as it has now been branded, for a North West Counties Premier League fixture between Atherton Collieries and West Didsbury & Chorlton.

'Colls' was established in 1916 by miners from the six pits in the Atherton Urban District with the aim of raising money for locals involved in the war effort. After the end of World War 1 the club joined the Bolton Combination, which they won 10 times up to 1965 along with a record 6 Lancashire FA Amateur Shield successes.

Brief forays into the Lancashire Alliance and Manchester League ended with a return to the Lancashire Combination in 1971 and then a move to the Cheshire County League in 1978. The two leagues merged in 1982 to form the North West Counties Football League, with Colls founder members of Division 3.

The club was promoted as champions in 1987 and then to Division 1 as runners up in 1996. Following relegation in 2009 the Colls regained their position in the top flight as champions in the 2014/15 season.

In this, their centenary season, the club has adopted a season only centenary badge but continues to play at Alder House, their home from inception. There have been two major changes to the ground though - the pitch has been rotated 90° at some point and the main stand was demolished in 2007, a stand formerly described as 'leaning forward as if in prayer for its continued survival'......

West Didsbury & Chorlton AFC, the visitors from Brookburn Road, was formed in 1908 in West Didsbury as Christ Church AFC by a local Sunday School superintendent - a team formed out of the Boys Brigade Company and the Young Men's Bible Class. The side played in the Manchester Alliance League up to the outbreak of World War 1.

The team changed its name to West Didsbury AFC at the start of the 1920/21 season, entering the Lancashire & Cheshire League. The 'Bury won the Rhodes Cup, twice, and the Whitehead Cup, but never the league.

In 2003 the club changed to West Didsbury & Chorlton AFC, and moved across to the Manchester League in 2006, with their 2012/13 application to join the North West Counties being accepted. In their first season 'West' finished third and were promoted to the Premier, as now defunct title winners Formby AFC failed ground grading criteria.

The club enjoys celebrity support, including local indie rock band Dutch Uncles who launched their album O Shudder at a game in 2014 (no, never heard of them !!). They also form part of the club's Krombacher Ultras, named after the lager sold in the clubhouse.... And popularity is rising with a season's league record crowd of 674 for the South Manchester Derby against Maine Road on 27 December.

Some familiar sights en route - Sunsation Tanning Centre, The Flamin' Chicken, Hairport, Honeyblossom Bridal and Garveys, still advertising Christmas karaoke on 23rd December. Inevitably queues for the Trafford Centre on Barton Bridge and then off the M60 at Worsley and into Boothstown, where the road is awash with polystyrene.

Past Mosley Common Pit Wheel, and then through Tyldesley and Skenning Bobs, a pub named after an old landlord with a profound squint ! Beyond Cranky's Off Licence (under new management !) and to the outskirts of Atherton, with the ground on Alder Street, next to Formby Hall, and Alder House Cat Hotel (yes a hotel for cats !!) at the end of the road.

Alder House has an outdated and dilapidated charm to it, from the three raised park benches underneath mature trees at one end, to the changing rooms with their concertina players tunnel (complete with Fly Emirates sponsorship) and the hut grandly entitled 'The Jimmy Fielding Suite'. A cargo container serves as the refreshment bar next to a very welcoming clubhouse.

There are two stands, a smaller one with covered terrace extension in the far corner, and in the near corner a larger stand by the ground entrance. This main stand is old and made from railway sleepers, but with slightly newer, albeit faded, seats. Next door is a six step crumbling terrace spanning the two dug outs.

West, managed by Steve 'Man and Boy' Settle, have brought decent support - their three flags matching the home team and their 'Original Crazy Gang'. Colls are in traditional black and white, their keeper in salmon, with 'Pride of Atherton' emblazoned on their backs. West are in change light blue and their keeper in all purple.

It's a raw afternoon as Colls attack down a prodigious slope towards the 'Shallow End' - it's a slope that proves too much for the linesman who takes a tumble to the crowd's delight !! The first half hour owes less to craft and guile and more to graft and bile as the two sides cancel each other out.

Aimless is the word on the terraces, sloppy from the Colls bench as West shade it. West's left back, Richmond Botchey, has a marauding run and shot which brings a sprawling save from Colls' keeper Adam Reid. A further well constructed West move sees Joe Shaw lift his shot over the bar. Colls' first real effort results in Liam Wood hitting the post.

Four minutes from the break, and with Colls struggling to clear the ball, West's Martyn Andrews deftly chips the ball goalwards and the salmon jerseyed Reid makes a real mess of it, failing to, er, leap like a salmon, and palms the ball in. Parity is restored a minute before half time as Colls' left back, Gaz Peet, hits a venomous free kick into the bottom left corner.

The second half is an altogether different affair. It's as if Colls prefer to play up the hill as Neil Chappell strikes the top of the bar, and then Ben Hardcastle strokes the ball wide when it seemed easier to score. Midway through substitute Jordan Cover outmuscles his man and strikes the ball across West keeper Dean Williams - and the home side lead.

With ten minutes to go and after sustained West pressure, producing a deflected Andrews' shot that goes agonisingly wide and a succession of corners, the ball breaks for sub Dave Sherlock. West are short at the back and his 50 yard ball finds Cover, who tees up the third sub, Henoc Mukendi. His shot is cleared off the line but Sherlock, following up, rams the ball home. Game over as Colls win their eighth straight game and go joint top.